c spot

thursday brain dump.

2012-01-26T22:08:00.001-05:00

many of you may not know that i have a fear of balloons. this fear stems back to childhood when i was at a birthday party where we played an unfortunate game where we tied balloons around our ankles and then tried to stomp on everyone else's balloons. the last one standing with an unpopped balloon was the winner. all i know is that i was terrified then...and the idea terrifies me now.

so...you can imagine my terror when my woman's bible study group waltzed into pappasito's last night for our "celebrate the end of the beth moore study with half price fajitas and margaritas" night and there were balloons on every table.

i asked "collin"...our waiter..."what's up with the balloons?"

he said that he would remove them for me...but let's not get all crazy, having people "remove" harmless balloons."

i'll deal.

and furthermore...

since when are waiters named "collin?" that's what i wanted to name colton. obviously he lied on his application and was not old enough to be a waiter.

damn kids.

needless to say...

i needed the margarita to offset the fear that the balloons set into effect.

at least, that's what my facebook status says.

today...i re-arranged aiden's room.

let's just call it like it is.

a room needed to be arranged, and aiden's was the best choice.

this activity lead to lip gloss.

and lots of it.

what can i say?

they take after their momma.

the last two days have been a "target clearance heaven" of sorts.

flip flops for $2????

need i really say more?

i will say more...but only because it involves $12 shabby chic curtains for aiden's room.

and "cabiny" animal fur pillows for $12.48.

****

so...all that aside,

i've been meaning to tell you that we have been seriously contemplating homeschooling all of our kids through the jr. high years.

one of the many benefits to this would include them being able to travel with chad on missions trips during those formidable years. i am a firm believer that they, or you for that matter, will never fully comprehend what people in other cultures are dealing with unless they/you actually "GO." and i'm not talking about italy or greece. i'm talking about poverty. i'm talking about unclean drinking water. i'm talking about children that are happy playing with my gum wrappers all day because they are shiny. i'm talking about kids who's joy for a happy meal toy matches the joys of our children on christmas morning upon finding an xbox under the tree.

here's the thing.

for colt...

that's next year.

whoa. whoa. whoa.

when did he become a jr. higher????

so, i have been praying and praying and thinking and thinking and wondering and wondering and feeling intimidated, ill prepared, skeptacle, scared, nervous, and crazy for even considering it.

colton is smart.

every year he is invited to participate in the enrichment program for the kids that perform above and beyond the norm and is commended on every state test he takes. just the other day, we received a letter stating that he has qualified to participate in a program that is sponsored by duke university that is aimed at students who possess high academic ability.

ummmm...

ok...

so...

how am i supposed to adequately "teach" him????

i never got no letter from duke!

anyhow...i've been feeling "lead" to take this on. and i've been praying for guidance.

and then, out of nowhere...this morning...i got a text from someone who homeschools, and is starting a co-op and has information about a new university model school that is starting next year.

we are getting together saturday morning to talk.

thank you, sweet Jesus.

that is just what i need.

it looks like slim shady is one step closer to being schooled by his mother.

i like the way that translates. :)

****

just for practice...

i did a little "school" with my 2nd born tonight.

he checked out a book about jim henson from the library and, boy, was this exciting.

this is my kid that marches to the beat of a different tuba.

he loves harry houdini, frogs, actors, and jim henson.

fine by me.

it takes people like him to make the world go round...

...and muppets talk on sesame street...

and things of that nature.

****

enjoy your thursday evening, friends.

you will never get it back.

celebrating balance

2012-01-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

once again, pinterest made itself useful. this time...with a simple hair idea.

the thing that i love about pinterest is that usually i can just look at the picture and figure it out. i'm not one to do a lot of research. i'm more of a "show me the picture and i'll figure it out myself" kind of girl.

i love having her long hair to play with.

yesterday was a good parenting day. there are random times that i feel like i am wasting my days away...the precious moments with my children...the time that i could have spent cleaning the bathrooms or clearing out the closet while the babe was napping...or the minutes that i could have spent folding the laundry instead of lounging on the couch, watching ellen. (ok. well...ellen is never a waste of time because she makes me laugh...but you get the idea.)

there are some days that end up being mediocre, at best, because i just didn't fully take advantage of them.

instead...i stay in my pj's instead of taking a few extra minutes to get ready, or i let my mind wander to unimportant things or i waste minutes that i could be playing dolls with annslee or reading with aiden or talking to colt or examining frogs with chase by spending time on something that doesn't matter at all...like seeing how other people are spending their moments on the facebook homepage. and often times, seeing how they are spending their moments make me feel bad about the way i am NOT spending mine.

i've also learned that if i don't get ready...i don't accomplish near as much.

not that i'm suggesting that every day has to be jam packed and that i can't ever lay down and take a nap if i'm tired...but it shouldn't become the norm. balance is always a good thing. and i can get in a lazy rut like nobody's business. like "who really cares if i don't sweep up the crumbs in the kitchen or if we are all stepping on litter in the bathroom today. I'M TIRED OF THE SWEEPING AND I'M NOT DOING IT." or..."i don't feel like playing with trout in the backyard after i put annslee down for a nap. I WANT TO SLEEP."

ok. i'm rambling.

the point is...the ebb flowed yesterday and i didn't just love my job...but i loved that i did a good job at it. i didn't run out of steam, or drive, or passion. and that felt good.

after all...no one can do their best work ALL the time. but when we do...

it's freaking amazing, baby.

"A +"

"terrific work"

"here's a bonus with your paycheck"

i played football with the boys.

i made up chants...like

"orange and blue...

kick em with your shoe...

don't mind if i do...

score a touchdown or a few..."

and kept them laughing until it hurt.

i played spider monkey on the swing with her...

and lifted annslee to the slide more times than i can count.

and by the time it was math homework time...

i had hit my stride.

not every day is like this one.

but when these "home run," "A+," "YOU DESERVE A PROMOTION" days roll around...

it puts wind behind your parenting sails to last a couple of days.

****

and even though i won't get raises or bonus' for jobs well done...

i did receive payment of sorts.

last night...a friend knocked on the door and said, "i read your blog and i love it and i was at the store and these reminded me of you and i wanted you to have them."

and then she gave me these lovelies.

i'm thinking chocolate malts are in our near future.

it was the cherry on the sunday.

****

and last night...you can imagine, when i walked into my room at the end of the evening...knowing that my head was going to hit my pillow feeling good about my day as a mom...and i saw this sight...

all i could do was smile.

yep.

the days aren't all going to be great. there will be days that i stay in my sweats and get nothing accomplished. there will be the days that there are way more tantrums than bouts of belly laughs but there is comfort in knowing that the sun will rise again tomorrow, and our ebb will start to flow again...and balance is inevitably restored.

and that, sunshine...is worth celebrating.

the first sleep over

2012-01-22T22:14:00.000-05:00

under no circumstances can i divulge the information that was shared at the ~~slumber party~~...i mean...sleep over friday night. all i can say is that i had absolutely no idea that the whole "guy/girl" thing had started up already.

where was i????

i will say that 3 out of the 4 boys wanted nothing to do with all the "girl" talk and wanted to stick to the video games.

however...the idea of a good "ding dong ditch" did sound appealing to them...even if it was a girl.

****

poor sisters had to watch the football action from inside.

these boys felt the need to start the night with some football. now...the idea of this was very foreign to me. a. it's dark. b. they've already played football at recess. c. it's time for dinner. d. it's muggy. e. now they are going to smell.

the list could go on and on.

but apparently...they needed to mark their "everything boy" territory or something before we even really got started.

did you know that when boys drink root beer out of the bottle...it automatically ups their cool points?

and...furthermore...i actually had to explain to one of them that root beer would NOT, in fact, get them drunk and that he was just excited.

sister was not happy that she was not allowed to sit with the boys.

she perched her little self at the table in chase's place and clasped her hands together and i swear i heard her say,

"sup, boys?"

****

my red solo cup...

i fill you up.

it was over pizza that i found out waaaaay more than i ever thought i might. like i said...two of the boys had some serious crushes. now...i'm completely aware that i began behaving somewhat immaturely at this turn of events and may or may not have given them the idea of taking the girl some chocolate.

my intentions were pure.

i swear.

after all...she lived around the corner and we could easily walk to her house...drop off the candy...and be back before chad knew we were gone.

(he's not the parent you want to go to if you have any sort of plan that deviates from the norm. if shenanigans are in order...

i'm your girl.)

so...

somehow...it ended in dropping the candy on the doorstep and ringing the doorbell and running,

with me being the get away car.

yeah...

so what if i tied the bow for him?

****

i saw how the male brain works and finally feel like i have a handle on some things.

the guy with the crush was super excited to ring his girl...and just because he wanted to get a little "just dance 3" on...didn't mean that he cared any less about her.

something to think about.

i decided to let the girls play this time. annslee never has to know that her remote might as well be for the ceiling fan. it totally wasn't hooked up.

****

moving on.

i tell you the truth when i say that colton was only excited about the ding dong ditch and he didn't care who was on the other end of it.

and this is fine by me. i'm not ready for my little guy to have another girl in his life. i mean...he already has 3. what more does he need at the tender age of 11?

****

the movie lasted about 20 minutes before chad, colton and i got left by ourselves to watch the "miracle" that is the us hockey team beating the russians in the winter olympics.

colt joined his friends in his room for the remainder of the night.

i overheard comments like, "this is the best night of my life" and i know, for certain, that one kid texted his mom that he was having the "best time ever."

so...i'm gonna chalk it up as a win.

****

not that boys really care whether they drink their milk out of a cute bottle or the carton...

but the extra touch of these old, frappachino bottles made me happy.

this morning, we learned that our dear friends had to put their dog to sleep yesterday.

so...naturally we went with the whole "sugar makes everything better" plan.

****

there are some living beings that have their designated spots in our home. i always know that i can look to that spot...and there they will be...my sedentary friends.

it's a comfort, really.

and just to keep things real.

the basket looked like this...

before it looked like this.

i'll leave you with a little just dance 3...

which i promise gets your heart pumpin in a really fun way.

i've mastered the zombie people song...

which happens to be her favorite.

thank you very much.

i've been thinking.

2012-01-20T16:54:00.000-05:00

i've been thinking about some things. one of which is, am i ever going to break away from the top knot??? and do people think i look like a messy, unorganized, grungy librarian??

the second thing that i've been thinking about is colt's 11th birthday sleepover. it's tonight and it is our very first slumber party. (although it is very important that i not call it a "slumber party" in front of his friends. i've been adamantly told this.)

we are having pizza; bottled root beer; brownies and ice cream; the movies miracle and we are marshall complete with popcorn and m&m's.

whose excited??

****

the other thing that i have been thinking a lot about lately is becoming more conscience about the amount of trash that we are producing. we have a large trash can in the kitchen and we fill that thing full, at least 1 time a day. sometimes 2. plus...we have trash cans in every bedroom and bathroom that are filled to the brim each week. trash comes in the form of mail, every day...in the form of bulletins and announcements from school every day...in the form of plastic bags housing all of our bread, chips, snacks, hygiene products, etc...and countless other ways. it's getting out of hand.

i'm all about easy.

and if we start this challenge...my life won't be as easy.

but maybe...

it will be worth it.

in order to become more "trash free"...

i would have to take my own jars to the store to fill them with lunch meats, chicken from the butcher, cheeses, and dried goods sold in bulk. i would also need to take a pillow case to fill it with bread from the bakery. i would have to radically change the way we buy and use hygiene products...doing things like making my own toothpaste and laundry detergent and hair care.

and what about toys...and the packaging around movies, games, etc?

and don't even get me started on composting.

yuck.

it's overwhelming to think about.

but...

i am feeling the nudge to make a few changes that could add up to a lot less trash over time.

i can't imagine how this will go. after all...we don't even recycle!

i'll keep you posted.

****

in the meantime...

i will try my best to entertain 5 eleven year olds, 1 nine year old, 1 six year old, 1 two year old, 1 thirty-nine year old, 1 puppy, and 1 kitten for the night.

and while i'm at it...

i'll try to figure out what i would do with this popsicle stick if we were a trash free family.

how can you eliminate popsicles?? they are like the best thing ever.

a look at her eyes...and through his.

2012-01-18T00:20:00.000-05:00

pinterest is proving it's worth in countless ways...and i've only been a member for, like, a month.

i checked out some photography pointers for bringing out the eyes in a photo.

and who better to practice on than the sweet pea. she is really the only one who has the patience for my camera being shoved in her face at every turn. plus...i promised her a reward if she would traipse around the yard with me...experimenting with shadow and sunlight.

technically...you are supposed to use a light reflector shade and also be able to do some touching up with photo shop...but i don't have either of those. so these babies are all natural.

she has really unique eyes. they are not really a specific color...which makes them hard to highlight. the outsides of her iris are dark blue and then as you get closer to the pupil...they turn from blue to hazel. and...one is lighter than the other. in order to fully appreciate the color...she has to be looking at the sun...which makes for a squinty photo. i used to turn her highchair toward the window when i would feed her when she was a baby...just so i could study her eyes.

i just love those eyes.

this particular night...we went to top water grill. chad...nor i had ever been there before, so we didn't know what to expect. all we knew was that the restaurant had been featured in southern living magazine. so it had to be good.

and it was.

the highlight of mine and annslee's meal were the hush puppies. she kept saying,

"uuuuppiiiiieeees."

the highlight of chase's and aiden's was the ginormous fishing poles.

the girl could catch some serious fish with this baby.

it is always a little uncomfortable when strangers go out of their way to talk to my children. and that just makes me so sad. this man had been sitting at the bar with friends...and got off his stool to come and talk to annslee. he was so kind and complimentary and it's a shame that...as a parent...i constantly find myself questioning people's motives.

it's just not the way our world was supposed to be.

they played a serious game of air ping pong.

and then we hit yogurt bear. who doesn't love yogurt?

chad's dad and his wife got the meal. my parent's got the yogurt.

generosity is a thread that weaves deeply in and out of both sides of our families. and that example pays off in tangible ways.

like when you witness your 11 year old give some of his birthday money to a "feed the poor" table outside of walmart on his birthday. i had to tell him that it was ok to not give it all away.

sister was hungry and decided to take things into her own hands.

and...she enlisted a helper.

yesterday, the kids had a holiday from school...so i tried to come up with something fun for us to do that didn't involve spending any money.

picnic in the backyard it is.

i layed out the blanket...prepared the lunches...and announced to meet me in the backyard.

that's where i instantly became majorly irritated due to the wind blowing everything everywhere...making it nearly impossible to eat.

the blanket blew in the food...the soda cans blew over on the blanket...our hair was in our mouths. it was a mess.

i started getting all irrational about how everything i try to do ends up a hot mess...

and then i looked at the kids.

they didn't care that the blanket now had food all over it.

they didn't care that the soda cans had tipped...or that their hair was in their faces.

because, you see...

superman can really get some good flying done in weather like that.

and that's what really mattered to him.

he's the candy to my land. plus...he's 11.

2012-01-15T21:19:00.000-05:00

eleven. he's eleven. and that just sounds old.

but he is.

and there is nothing i can do to make him ten again. i was used to ten. i was comfortable with ten.

yesterday...january 14th...at 10:28 am...he turned the big one one.

and i made sure hot chocolate greeted him.

with whipped cream and sprinkles, of course.

after all...

a celebration was in order.

and i am slowly getting used to having an eleven year old.

while he stayed in our bed...watching tv and enjoying his hot chocolate, sister and i busted out some basketball cupcakes.

and then...we busted out big brother's pancake, egg, and bacon birthday brunch.

ever since the hair cut...i've been calling him slim shady. he reminds me of a certain, white rapper.

just the hair...of course.

that evening, he had a basketball game.

people came far and wide to watch him.

it was a "fan club" of sorts.

just look at that cheering section! i mean, paleeeease...

we might as well have busted out my old pom poms. (and don't think i wouldn't do it.)

after big birthday brother tore it up on the court...

we went to mooyah burger to celebrate him...

and the big win.

(but mostly him.)

look at uk...lurking in the background.

i just love a good lurker.

and uk came through too.

he brought it...with the new basketball.

colt's old one had become a little "slick" from all the wear and tear of the driveway dribble and bucket play.

because chad's dad and his wife were here from iowa...we had to put the real partying off until next weekend.

a 5th grade boy sleep over is in order for friday night.

i better start preparing now.

i'm thinking some shenanigans are in my near future.

and everyone knows...

i just can't turn down a good double dog dare.

oh yeah...

those boys will have met their match.

happy 11th birthday colt.

you are the candy to my land.

go ahead...make my day.

2012-01-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

today i got to take trout and annslee for a walk. and let me tell you...to try to take pictures while holding the leash with a 50+ pound dog on the other end...leaves something to be desired.

but.

i did get some good ones. if i do say so myself.

but then again...when you are working with subjects such as this...

what does one expect?

this coat was mine, when i was a little girl. and it may just be my most favorite thing to see her in right now.

today...

it was cold enough for her to wear.

she walked slightly behind me with her baby buckled safely in her stroller...as all good mothers do.

****

we took chad's dad and his wife to shops in the "old town" area of where we live that were quaint and unique...making you feel warmth as soon as you opened the antique door and stepped foot over the threshold of what used to be houses. when i meander through the shops, i admire the hand stitched aprons and the smocked children's dresses and the smell of the specialty candles that burn at the entrance and marvel at the quality of someone's work. while walking through the old shops...i can't help but wonder about the people who lived there once. i just know they were happy. i just know it.

there is a tea room that stands in the corner of the shops that used to be houses. it was there that we ate lunch. it was really too bad that aiden was in school...because this place is her favorite. it was this place that she chose for me to take her to for her "start kindergarten" celebration. there is a picture of us at this place that is framed in her room.

i'm convinced.

no one can be unhappy in a tea room.

****

later tonight...the girls donned their aprons and helped me make homemade salsa and guacamole to go with our taco dinner. we thought that the iowa folk should have some traditional tex-mex..

sister can seriously crank out some salsa.

and here is proof of a successful hobby lobby mission:

i've instructed chad that when he makes his coffee in the morning...he can pour the creamer into that little jug there...by the sugar...where it will wait for me to get up.

and that's where it will make my day.

front row for the show

2012-01-11T11:13:00.000-05:00

this is what happened after i made a point to tell the kids to make sure they drank their milk with their breakfast yesterday morning...validating the fact that i am, indeed, talking to the wall.

and this was annslee's tray after specifically telling her to keep her breakfast on her plate.

hello wall. my name is mindy. after talking to you on a regular basis for years now...it's nice to finally, officially meet you. i thought it was high-time that i formally introduced myself.

****

annslee wore her very, first piggy tails ever yesterday. this is a very important time in a girl's life.

while getting her ready for our hobby lobby outing...she began insisting upon wearing her elmo t-shirt. it was cold outside...so i talked her into putting it on under her comfy cozies. however...just one elmo shirt was not good enough. she wanted to wear two. after much protesting in the form of screaming at me...i talked her into just one. but she was never fully satisfied with the outfit.

i, on the other hand, impressed myself with jeans, a tank, a shirt, a scarf, and boots. this is the most "dressed" i've been in a good, hot minute.

she finally talked (screamed) me into a wardrobe change half-way through the day. i realized that i needed to chose my battles wisely...and on this particular day...the clothes was not one of them. i had bigger fish to fry...like sitting in the highchair for meals instead of ON TOP of the table and allowing ME to carry the glass, apothecary bottles through the store instead of her balancing them on her head.

****

last night...i went for my second run of the week. be impressed. i have not run anywhere since i was pregnant with colton. except for that time during the last winter olympics, when i had convinced myself that if i could just get into shape...curling would be an option for me come next winter olympics...so i ran around the block once and then decided that curling really didn't take that much cardio strength anyways...so i could just practice my shuffleboard skills with the broom and a cookie on the kitchen floor and call it a day.

anyways...i laced up the running shoes two nights ago and set out to run around the 2-block loop in our neighborhood. i told myself, "just make it to the mailboxes at the end of the street...and then you can walk." and when i got there...i told myself, "just get to the next street and then you can walk." i did that until i got all the way around and didn't stop until i hit our front walk. i was pretty proud of myself but was secretly a little scared that it would turn out just like my "training for the winter olympics" stint. i told myself, as i was nursing a wicked, side cramp, "just lace up the shoes again."

so...last night...for the second night in a row, i did. before i left, chad told me what route would be a full mile. i told myself not to worry about that and to just run the same loop i did the night before and to be proud of that. but last night turned out a little different. instead of listening to myself gasping for air...i put the earphones in and ran to eminem instead. and instead of looking at the ground in front of me...i kept my focus on the light of the full moon in front of me. it's amazing how much easier it is to stay on track when you drown out the superfluous noise and keep your gaze focused on the light.

i'm well aware of the life metaphor is so neatly layed out here that it might as well be wrapped in brown paper and tied up with a bow...but the only problem is...

i don't really think that i want to equate eminem with the noise that i should be blaring into my ears. BUT...the light thing...

well that's genius.

the point is...instead of going straight and staying on the easier and quicker route, i turned left and ran the actual mile. without stopping. i listened to the music and i focused on the moon instead of my racing heart, my staggered breaths, and my aching muscles.

today...as the sore muscles in my legs send mixed messages of "thatta girl" and "please...for the love of all the sand on the beach...don't do that to us again"...i'm telling myself to just "lace up the shoes again."

****

after my run...i came home to this.

chad let her pick out her own pajamas, which included 3 pairs of pants. (that's why she looks a little puffy.)

and they were all running around the house in winter hats, gloves, and scarves as annslee chased them with the gun.

and chad just looked at me like it was totally normal.

i leave for 10 minutes and they all go out of their minds.

today...chad's dad and his wife get here from iowa for a visit so i was going to get my entertaining on and bust out dinner in the crock pot. i set annslee up at the kitchen table with a coloring book and some colors...although that was no match for the entertainment that i provided while trying to get dinner assembled.

first, i went for the milk and somehow lost control of the eggs. that resulted in eggs splattering all over the floor and under the fridge.

that was fun.

brucshetta. it hit my foot before hitting the floor...causing a flash memory of the jug-o-wine incident of 2011 and a nasty cut.

i couldn't find any bandaids, (due to the girls' fascination with wearing them even if they don't have a reason to) so i was dripping blood everywhere until i finally found a piece of tape.

after cleaning that mess up and contemplating ordering pizza for dinner...i got er' done.

and sister found this whole fiasco so entertaining that she needed a closer seat.

front row for the show, baby.

i needed a minute...OKAY???

2012-01-09T11:50:00.000-05:00

i'm finally gettin' my mommy groove back. well...technically...my "in general" groove back.

this weekend was just what the doctor ordered.

friday...i was reunited with one of my favoritest friends. she busted on over and knocked on the door and peaked in the windows and called me until i let her in. (i was taking a little power snooze)

you know you've got a good friend when they are willing to do all that!

so, we watched the baby girls play, had dr. peppers, and talked until the bigs got home from school. chad picked up our kids and hers, as well...so we didn't even have to get in the car ride line. and bonus...i didn't have to get out of my sweat pant uniform.

****

friday night, we resumed family movie night with soul surfer. good flick. aiden was somewhat disturbed when the shark bit off the girl's arm...but other than that...everyone loved the story. and it's a true story. which always makes a story better.

chad decided that it was time to change the baby bed to a toddler bed over the holiday.

let me just tell you of the water works that started.

oh...they were fine.

i wasn't.

i kept telling him that she wasn't ready for that and that it wasn't time, etc. etc. etc.

but he kept saying...yes she is.

so, as he got his tools and summoned all the kids to help with the milestone transformation, i held my hand up and said,

"i need a minute."

i went in the nursery, closed the door, sat on the floor by the bed that had kept all four of my sleeping babies over the last 11 years, and cried.

i cried because i missed all of them as babies. i cried because of how fast they were growing up. i cried because i still thought of the puddin cup as my baby and if she was ready for a toddler bed...then she wasn't technically a baby anymore. and most of all...i grieved because of the fact that any time we had changed the baby bed to a toddler bed in the past...i had the comfort that, in the near future, it would be a baby bed again...because there was no question in my mind that we would be bringing home another, tiny baby love that was going to sleep in it for another several years.

and this time...

i didn't have that.

this time...

may be the last.

and i just wasn't ready to accept that.

chad was right.

my baby was ready.

and the only thing that got me through that day was the hope that we would bring another baby home that would sleep in that baby bed. it probably wouldn't be from the hospital...but we would be bringing her home, none-the-less. and that baby bed would keep our fifth baby love.

****

organization happened this weekend...which is always joy provoking.

i went through all of their school work from the first semester and threw away the busy work, filed away the keepers, and got their cubbies ready for the second half of the year.

i found this little gem.

aiden had written what she was thankful for.

she is thankful for food, so we don't have to starve. she is thankful for clothes. she is thankful for school so she can learn. she is thankful for people so we can live. she is thankful for love.

wow.

****

saturday morning, we sat around the table and had blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes. and later that evening, colt had his first basketball game of the season. he played point. during half time...chase, aiden, and annslee all got to go out on the court and shoot to win a free snack from the snack bar. chase sunk his first shot and opted for a push pop. aiden made her basket (they let her shoot a few times) and landed on a push pop as well. they let me lift aj up to the basket and she made her's on her first try...causing quite a few cheers from the crowd...and then inhaled an entire bag of m&m's.

other fun things...

pizza and the texan's playoff win with family.

home church on sunday morning.

a rockin' meal plan.

great finds at aeropostal. (i totally caved and endulged in, not just 1...but 2 pairs of sweat pants.)

an impromptu buy for aiden at the children's place.

wearing my jeans instead of sweats.

putting on make up. (i still haven't done my hair in a while...but we are going to consider the make up a win.)

grocery shopping alone.

face timing with my nieces in iowa because sweet aubree had finally saved enough money to purchase her very own ipod touch. (i may or may not have donned a rapunzel wig.)

and...

finally...

ending a perfect weekend in the warmth and comfort of our home with 5 of my favorite people on earth.

happy monday.

and here's to gettin' my groove back.

here's to the little things...

2012-01-05T22:01:00.000-05:00

sometimes it's just easier to lie.

now...don't get me wrong. i'm all about telling the truth. but sometimes...like when your 6 year old daughter asks you if strangers can get into the house if the doors are locked...it's just easier to lie.

is that wrong?

i don't know.

but what i do know...is that when i am tucking her in, saying prayers, reading stories, and singing lullabies...a educational conversation on the danger of strangers and what to do if she is kidnapped just doesn't seem appropriate.

so, tonight...when she asked me that question...

i just said, "no."

****

last night i went to bed at 7:00. i don't know the last time that i went to bed that early...but i didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning and i felt the difference today.

we made it grocery shopping before 9:30. and that never happens.

also...when she insisted on bringing her doll stroller with elmo...i said, "ok."

and that little distraction worked until the cereal isle.

that's when a box of fruit loops became way more important than elmo making it to the next isle.

so...the stroller and elmo balanced on top of the rest of my groceries while we dealt with a mini-tantrum.

i call it "mini" because it only lasted until the produce section where i let her pick out some apples.

these sweatpants are really getting some mileage. i contemplated going and buying another pair...but then wondered if that would just be enabling my "not getting ready" trend that i have going.

my jeans feel tight and uncomfortable...which causes me to opt for the sweatpants whenever humanly possible.

i just hate tight jeans.

the jury is still out on if i "need" another pair.

chad calls me a marketer's dream. like today...at the dollar spot...i "spotted" these valentine's pencils that had to be bought to replace the christmas pencils from the last couple of months.

we can't be having christmas pencils in the pencil holder after christmas, now can we?

never-the-less...they make me happy.

as does my writing environment. you know how kids carry around a stuffed animal, doll, or blankie for comfort? well...i carry around this slatkin & co. "winter cabin" candle. i just move it around the house with me. really. i do.

another joy that i found today was the sound of trout's hooves...i mean paws...on the lawn when we play fetch. he loves to fetch a mini football and i'm not kidding when i say that when he runs, he sounds just like a horse. and since horse hooves on a cobble stone street or dirt is my most favorite sound in the world (aside from my children's laughter)...it very much makes me happy. there is this patch of our lawn that is just dirt because chad dug up the dead grass...and when trout hits it at a steady run...i imagine that i'm at the kentucky derby...listening to the horses run.

i just love it.

i don't know if all big dogs sound like horses when they run...

i'm just glad that mine does.

here's to the little things.

forlorn

2012-01-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

i've been a little hum drum...blue...forlorn...eeore-ish, lately. and i haven't been able to put my finger on why. it's no secret that i don't transition well. and i already identified my sadness with the passing of the holiday season and the old year. (if you call the new year "new"...then it only makes sense to call the past year "old." i don't like the word old.) but this was different. it was depressing. it was energy zapping and joy stealing.

i've been surfing through the days...doing what was necessary. i fed and watered the kids. i mean the dog and cat. uh...i mean the flower beds. damn.

i kid.

but in all seriousness...today was the last day of christmas break and they deserved to do it up right. instead...i drug them to target and the mall to make christmas returns and ended up saying no to throwing pennies in the wishing fountain because of one, very ripe, poopie diaper.

i felt guilty because they know that their brother is off...flitting around iowa...having the time of his life. and here they are...stuck with the forlorn mall mom.

i tried to perk it up a little tonight and add bubbles to their baths...and read books before bed. but they know.

chase asked earlier today,

"mom...are you feeling ok?"

i told him the truth. that i was just a little hum drum.

****

tonight...after i tucked them safely into bed, i picked up the living room, changed a load of laundry, walked the dog, and then sat down and fired up the computer. something made me want to go through some old pictures...and i have no idea what. but i clicked onto the FALL 2007 album and began sifting through the photos. i smiled at colton's image and, once again marveled at how fast his youth is passing.

and then...

out of nowhere...

this image came next.

and the tears welled up and fell down my cheeks.

december 26th was the one-year anniversary of the night my grandpa died.

i have been quietly re-living last year's holiday season for the last month and tonight it finally made it's way to the service of my emotions. i don't know why it took so long. i kept remembering and i kept re-living and i kept thinking about him and missing him and wishing i could talk to him again. i have gone over and over his taking his last breath in front of my eyes. i have seen my dad put his hand on his dad's shoulder and say, "what an example he was to us all." i have pictured the blanket and the pillow that warmed his frail body and supported his head. i have remembered my last words to him. i have remembered how wrong it felt to watch death come over someone that i love. i remember it all.

the day after christmas, my mom, dad, brother and i went out to the cemetery. it was cold and windy and sad. i cried when i saw his name. i cried when i prayed for God to find him in Heaven and give him a hug from me. i cried when i told God to tell him how much we miss him and how much his great grandchildren still talk about him and how chase loves johnny cash because of him and how aiden softly sings "country roads" and "you are my sunshine" and that it has everything to do with him.

but for some reason...i couldn't get the sadness out.

until i surprisingly and randomly came across that picture of him...still full of life...celebrating one of my son's birthdays with us. did i pay enough attention to him that day? did i tell him how glad i was that he was there? did i tell him that i loved him?

i wasn't expecting it. and i wasn't prepared.

but it was just what i needed.

i cried...

and then i moved on.

i can't believe the difference that a few years make. there has been growth with age...for all of us.

and i guess, that's a good thing.

there are times that i miss the past...

but i can't allow missing the past to rob me of the present.

memories can be beautiful...and sometime tricky things.

grandpa...

i think i'll bring you and grandma some flowers.

i know you like them.

The End of the Year

2012-01-01T23:25:00.000-05:00

First of all...Chad got me a new laptop for Christmas. Blogging has become a little bit easier, folks. Plus...he bought...

drum roll...

www.mindyclarkson.com!!

I have my own website, people!

That's something I thought I'd never say.

What a guy.

****

Happy New Year, by the way.

Writing has been sparse over the last week, due to Chad's family being in town. His brother, sister-in-law, and our niece and nephew were here from Iowa. We did it up right with Big Texas, the Boardwalk and the Beach...with a tea party sprinkled in here and there.

I needed a little reinforcement while trying to get the house un-christmatized and ready for company...and Colt was just the guy to help. Let's face it. The boy can throw a mean tea party when he has to.

Once they arrived, it was time to bring out the big guns. There is nothing like a camp fire hot dog and marshmallow roast to say "Welcome to Texas."

It was high time these two got properly acquainted. When we were in Iowa this past Summer, they were too young to fully appreciate each other.

Something got Chase's tinsel in a tangle this particular night and he decided to pull the, ever popular for 9 year old boys "I'm gonna run away" card. So...he packed his bag with the necessities.

After I convinced him to wait until the next day to leave, I went through his bag. You know...just to make sure he had packed his toothbrush.

There was no toothbrush...but you never no when you might need a pair of magician's handcuffs and a Kermit the frog puppet.

Luckily...he forgot about his plan over night.

****

We hit the boardwalk and enjoyed watching the kids play while we sat by the water and ate lunch.

Now...I can't be certain, but it is possible that she may or may not have been pushing him at this point.

They are both pretty scrappy.

The fist bump is really hangin on.

They dressed in the finest of attire for a tea party. My mother made both of those dresses for me when I was little. They thought they were pretty fancy.

Pinkies up.

The Beach was foggy...but beautiful. I love a clear day...but there is something eerie and beautiful about a fog covered ocean. It's as if the waves and the sky are whispering to each other about something bigger going on.

My niece and nephew were seeing the ocean for the first time...and I was just the gal to introduce them.

The beach is in my bones.

My beach babies were re-united with the surf and sand like old friends.

The new year seems to sneak up on me faster and faster as they roll by. Something about that evokes a fear and sadness that I have been pushing down, down, down, although I feel it creeping to the service slowly but surely.

Like how can Colt be old enough to take off across the country with Chad for a quick Iowa visit? Doesn't he need me to take care of him? I barely even had to help him pack. And, the start of a new year means he is another year older, come January 14th.

Yep. 11 is just around the corner.

And Jr. High, for that matter.

Don't get me started.

Baby steps.

I'll get there. (To acceptance, that is.)

Hopefully before he gets to 6th grade.

It has always taken me a while to transition...whether it be to a new town or into a new year. But don't worry. I'll rally.

I've learned that I have to appropriately mourn the loss of the previous year, the Christmas that's past, my youth that is appearing further and further away in my rear-view mirror. It doesn't work if I don't. I can't celebrate the new without remembering the old.

Give me a few weeks and I'll be ready to make resolutions and goals and focus on the promise of a new beginning.

But in the meantime...

Happy New Year to you and yours.

visions of sugarplums

2011-12-27T12:33:00.001-05:00

christmas has come and gone, once again. as a kid...i would fight post advent depression every year. you could find me, on the curb...caressing the dried up branches of our tree...whispering words of encouragement, like, "you've been a great tree and i'll miss you so much." i would feel all blue inside because it was over. i still get the "let down"...but have also learned to appreciate the promise of a new year. a fresh start. the hope of possibility.

****

if we would have shelled out the money to do christmas cards...this would have been the picture used.

we have a december family picture taken every year. it's important to chronicle growth.

christmas eve morning started off with the kids opening their secret sibling santa presents.

this went better than i even dreamed it would. since they were the first gifts opened, they were beyond excited. which gave way to excitement for the person giving the gift. it's always more fun to give a gift that someone is truly excited about. this will be a tradition that we continue.

and i loved having them open them on christmas eve morning, instead of that night because they got to play with them all day, while i frantically tied up loose ends.

colton drew aiden's name.

annslee had chase.

chase had colton.

chad had to leave by 11:30 to get to the first service.

miraculously, i got the food prepared, the house picked up, the rest of the loose ends tied up, myself and the kids ready for the 4:00 church service.

we pulled up to the christmas eve service just in time for her to finally give in to the exhaustion from the toll that the week's events had taken.

if only she would have stayed asleep in my arms...maybe she would not have gotten herself in so much trouble. she instantly insisted on her own seat in the service and began throwing a bloody tantrum when she was forced to sit in my laugh to make room for daddy. she was a hot mess by the time the first carol began and bought herself a golden ticket to the nursery.

it was nothin a little twirling in the lobby couldn't fix afterwards.

by the time we made it back to the house for the celebration...i wasn't too proud to partake in the sauce. holiday sangria cures whatever ales you.

we took time out to get a picture of the whole lot of us.

and bonus...

we officially named the cat...since he is officially one of us now.

introducing the first full-family picture, complete with trout the dog and george bailey the cat.

yeah...so we watched it's a wonderful life and george bailey just seemed appropriate.

trout could not be convinced that because it was christmas eve...he should be a gentleman and not insist on his evening walk.

so...we all went together and surveyed the lights.

it ended up being a great walk.

****

once the kids were all nestled in their beds...i longed to be in my kerchief, and chad in his cap...but we had work left to do.

santa came for colton...

and chase...

and aiden...

and annslee...

and even trout and george bailey.

i have been waiting for this christmas ever since i found out that i was having my first daughter. when i was 5...my paw paw made me this doll house for christmas. he made it from scratch, to match the house that we lived in, cutting out each tiny shingle...one by one. honey crocheted the rugs and sewed the curtains. it sat in my room my entire childhood.

and it was time to pass it down.

honey gave it to the girls this year.

this is the stuff that dreams are made of.

colton was surprised by granna and grandaddy with an itouch.

chase's wish came true when he opened the johnny cash poster from uk.

and the girls showed delight with every turn.

santa enjoyed the milk and cookies...and fed the reindeer the snack that we left for them.

the proof is in the pudding.

****

last night...the elves snuck away and made their way back to the north pole.

they new that aiden was going to be devastated and left a sweet note.

my girl was heart-broken...just as her elf knew she would be. there were tears this morning.

but the promise of a new year awaits...and all good things must eventually become a memory. and that's ok. the elves will return someday...just as december will. and the magic will resume.

until then...

the magic of our every day will sufficiently suffice.

Let Earth Receive Her King

2011-12-24T02:30:00.000-05:00

i am sitting down for the first time today. and technically...it's not even today anymore. it's 12:25 am and i can honestly say that we are ready. the last present has been bought; the food has been prepared; the crafts are complete; the house is clean; and the gifts are wrapped and under the tree.

i feel satisfied.

christmas eve is my favorite day of the year. i love the anticipation and the laughter and the excitement...and most of all...the celebration. on the evening of christmas eve...we celebrate Jesus' birth. and it is absolutely wondrous.

when i was a little girl...i remember i would have such a hard time falling asleep on christmas eve...and as a mother, the excitement is still there. i re-live it through all four kids. i re-live it when i see the sparkle in their eyes and the wide smiles on their faces. tonight...i let chad tuck in the boys while i grabbed the christmas dresses, tights, and christmas gowns from the girl's rooms. i wanted everything ready for tomorrow. i got about half way down the stairs when i remembered that i had not said goodnight to the boys. i thought for a second about just continuing down the stairs to get to the presents that were waiting to be wrapped and the last load of laundry that needed folding...but i just couldn't let them go to sleep without kissing their heads...so i put the laundry basket down and headed back up to their rooms. and i'm so glad i did. i peeked into chase's room and saw him, laying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, and smiling the biggest smile i have seen on him in a while. both dimples were out and showing off. when he heard me, he looked over and giggled. i smiled and said, "what?" and he just giggled more and said, "mom...what do you think my secret santa is giving me?" i'm not sure if i've mentioned before that the kids drew names this year. we are calling it "secret sibling santa." it has been really fun to watch them get excited about what they wanted to get their brother or sister and try to guess who had whom. and there he was...sugar plums all a-dancin, while thinking about it. so, so wondrous.

tomorrow, we will listen to true carols of our King's birth all day. i have been thinking a lot lately about christmas carols and how...as fun as songs, like baby, it's cold outside and rockin around the christmas tree are...there is just nothing more beautiful and worshipful than a traditional christmas carol. the words are woven together to praise and adore Him in a way that leaves me breathless. this season...i have been really paying attention to the words that sometimes get lost in the noise of it all.

Joy to the world...the Lord has come, let Earth receive her King.*

Whom angels greet
with anthems sweet
while shepherds watch are keeping.
This, this is Christ the King...
whom shepherds guard and angels sing.
Haste, haste...to bring him praise...
the babe, the son of Mary.
The King of Kings, salvation brings
let loving hearts enthrone him.**

Rejoice...rejoice...
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel.***

To save us all from Satan's power when we have gone astray.
Tidings of comfort and joy.
That in Bethlehem was born the son of God by name
Oh tidings of comfort and joy.****

Joy to the world, for Christ the lord has finally come
let every heart receive the new born king...
oh come all of heaven and nature SING.*****

Long lay the world
in sin and error pining
till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
a thrill of hope
the weary world rejoices
Fall on your knees
oh hear the angel voices
oh night divine
oh night when Christ was born.******

i heard the bells on christmas day
their old familiar carols play
and wild and sweet the words repeat
of peace on earth, goodwill to men.
and in despair
i bowed my head...
there is no peace on earth, i said
for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, goodwill to men
then feel the bells, more loud and deep
God is not dead...nor does he sleep
the wrong shall fail
the right prevail
of peace on earth goodwill to men
i can hear you
i can hear you.*******

****

i heard the bells on christmas day has never been one of my favorite christmas carols until this year. it's been on my i pod for several years now and for whatever reason...it has become my song of praise this season. you can find me...eyes closed...hands raised...singing my little heart out in the kitchen while we make cookies when it rolls around on the playlist. i recommend the MercyMe version. you won't be disappointed. i promise.

i look forward to talking to you again after christmas. have yourselves a merry little christmas. let your hearts be light. joy to the world. the Lord has come. let earth receive her King!!

* Joy To the World
** What Child is This
*** Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel
**** God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
***** Addendum to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (MercyMe)
****** Oh Holy Night
******* I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

it's almost here...

2011-12-23T02:04:00.000-05:00

snip...fold...tape...snip...fold...tape.

i'd be lying if i said i longed for the wrapping of the presents. i really should do it as they come in...instead of waiting and doing them all in one night. the hallmark channel helps. but still. you know it's bad when you start tossing things for the kids into the "santa" pile...just so you don't have to wrap it.

so i took a little break.

****

we finally made good on our "make cookies for the neighbors" advent.

these are my favorite.

this one liked them too. would you believe that colton hates peanut butter? so...he was totally not thrilled about them. chase likes peanut butter...but not chocolate. so he wasn't thrilled either. aiden tolerates peanut butter...but, for some reason only ate the kiss off the top. so...thankfully...i can count on my baby girl to take after her momma when it comes to sweets.

isn't this just like chase? i mean...you can't get more like chase than this.

i don't even know what he was doing...but houdini ended up stuck in the basketball goal. we were headed out to see santa...and we were sorta in a hurry...and they were supposed to be getting buckled in the car...and this is what i walk out to.

chase says, "uh-oh"...a lot.

chad went to the mall straight from work in order to get in line for us. he waited an hour and 45 minutes. i got the kids ready at home and then we waltzed on in right as he was getting to the front. this is the way to do it, folks.

our visit with santa went ok. annslee cried as soon as i sat her down. so chad and i had to be in the picture again. there have only been 2 years that chad and i didn't have to be in the picture. there is just usually someone who is under 2 and completely unwilling to do this thing. we have seen the same santa, every year, since colton's very first christmas. we have so many memories of standing in line...dressing the kids in their christmas outfits, chronicling the stages and ages. it's the same every year...and i've come to absolutely love it. santa is as real as you can get, and his gentleness with the kids is tangible. he is quick to listen and slow to speak...and he has watched our kids grow over the years. i would think that there is no way...with all the kids he sees every day...that he couldn't possibly remember us. but, i swear...he does.

i will never forget the year that i was pregnant with aiden. it was the day before christmas eve, and chad had taken me to an ultrasound place who specialized in finding out the baby's sex. hours before we went to see santa...i heard the words, "it's a girl" while watching her dance on the ultrasound screen. we were not telling our family until christmas eve...so i wore a pink shirt in our picture with santa. i wanted to always remember that. it was the magic that only chad and i knew. well...and santa, of course.

tonight, we gathered and had dinner and then watched the nativity story together. i absolutely love this movie. it is a beautiful depiction of Jesus' birth story...my favorite by far.

i also love national lampoon's christmas vacation, elf, and it's a wonderful life.

but...if you are looking for a worshipful experience during the holiday...don't miss out on the nativity story.

little miss is now refusing to sit in her high chair. that's super great. today she dumped her entire bowl of soup on my good table cloth.

we made sugar cookies for the first time ever. i was sort of pre-occupied with keeping aiden's cast clean and out of the dough...

but other than that...it was a win.

tune in next time. and remind me to tell you about mine and trout's bike accident. it's a winner of a story.

i better get back to it. these presents aren't gonna wrap themselves!!

the park and the gingerbread house

2011-12-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

i really wish that i enjoyed going to the park. i just don't. it's not that i absolutely hate it...i just don't find myself wanting to go exactly. i can't really put my finger on why. it may have to do with the fact that i used to be too wrapped up in worrying about the germs on the equipment to enjoy myself...or it may be that i don't like to run around, playing and i feel guilty if i'm just sitting on a bench watching. i'm usually not a lazy person...but the park makes me feel lazy. maybe that's why i don't like it.

the point is...chad suggested that we go to the park the other day and i just couldn't stand the thought of being left out.

so i went.

the kids and i walked...and chad rode the bike and let trout run behind him on the leash.

it was trout's first trip to the park.

chad suggested that we let him off his leash to run a little.

mistake.

he immediately found a candy bar and all of us ended up looking like idiots...chasing him all over the place...trying to catch him before he swallowed it.

at some point, chad yelled..."we are not paying to remove whatever that is from his stomach if he swallows it!!"

we finally caught him and fished the full chocolate bar out of his mouth. gross.

after that...he went back on his leash for the duration.

i sat on the bench and kept trout out of trouble. that was a win-win. i got to just sit on the bench, but actually have a good reason to do so. it had nothing to do with laziness.

i was also all-time base for the hide and seek game.

that means...i got to count with the seeker.

again...look at me not being lazy.

i love this picture. somehow...the sun caught her dark blue eyes and turned them this vampire shade of amber.

chase took his job as counter very seriously.

meanwhile...annslee found someone to stalk.

she followed her around everywhere.

i can totally hear what she is thinking here.

"you two look like you have a good thing goin...do you need a third? cuz...between you and me...these folks that i am with??? well...they are all nut jobs."

she actually followed them to their car in the parking lot.

i'm gonna try to not take that personally.

trout and boo radley are getting along quite nicely. (that's his name right now. however i'm trying to convince the kids to name him something like mozart...or mr. tumnus...or after a famous author.) actually, i'll just be glad if chad stops calling him "that cat."

honey made this little dress for me when i was little. mom found the perfect, little peter paned collared onsie to go under it.

i love taking pictures of this one while she's not looking. she reminds me of a storybook character...like alice in wonderland or sleeping beauty or something. she has that gentle/graceful thing going that all of those storybook girls possess.

one of these things does not belong here...

(i really just sang that in my head...like the clip from sesame street from the old days...)

just 30 minutes ago...the whole thing hit the floor. no joke. at least it's not the big one.

****

the elves have been a little boring lately. i kept forgetting to move them...so i had to make up some story about how they are just so warm in their stockings that they just wanted to stay there for a while and rest.

plus...chase's elf, houdini, split his pants doing somersaults out of the tree and needed to be sewn up.

i finally got that done.

and i finally remembered to get some super glue for the ornaments that have been in "ornament triage" for the last several years.

the gingerbread house actually got done without any tantrums or arguing.

so...that was a plus.

and mr. big man was so sweet to help his baby sister.

he might as well be the pied-piper, as far as she's concerned.

she looks at him with stars in her eyes every time he looks her way.

i'm well aware that i am entirely too old to be wearing anything from aeropostal. let me explain. i was shopping for my 5th grade niece in there and found these sweats for 12 bucks. plus they fit really good. so...i convinced myself that, since 30 is the new 20...then i am only...like...27, which is a totally acceptable age to be still be wearing the tweeny, teeny brand. so there. don't judge me.

look at these faces.

priceless.

annslee insists on bubbles. every night.

hey annslee...you got a little sumpin in your eye there girl.

****

and there's nothin like a gingerbread house to get the elves hoppin.

i wonder how many days they will be there? surely this is good placement for a while.

and what is it with these people who do these elaborate elf mischief spectacles every night? like...getting smearing toothpaste everywhere...or icing...or glitter?

seriously???

it is very clear to me that any elf that lives in our house is gonna have to fall in line. and if they add more work for me...

they are out on their cans.

i don't care if they are from the north pole.

my christmas groove is back

2011-12-18T19:43:00.000-05:00

one can burn themselves out if one starts too early, i've decided.

i started too early.

don't get me wrong...i still procrastinated the christmas shopping till the last minute, however i started listening to my christmas playlist in october.

i was always of the opinion that "the longer, the better"...but i've changed my mind.

i think that the "magic" can only last so long. and...if you have listened to "labor of love" enough that your kids roll their eyes when it rolls around on the ole' playlist again...then it's lost it's luster.

i decided to take a little break over the last week and just let things be what they will...and then re-visit the whole "christmas wondermint" after school was officially let out. i happen to have a family that can't handle too much excitement. they all get a little...

shall we say...

scrooge-ish.

this weekend...i got my christmas groove back.

first of all...(technically this was last sunday)...i looked at this darling image of my daughter singing about Jesus on the stage at church.

but then...i looked a little to the right and saw this.

but then i looked further to the right and saw this...

i think we have established that my eldest son is completely "over" all things remotely related to being a child.

****

friday night, our advent activity told us to go look at christmas lights and go to the chocolate bar.

ok...i'm going to hop right on a bit of a tangent right now. i've decided that there is a evolution of exterior illumination christmas decor. i have put a little list together in my head of this evolution.

first...it was the big, colored bulbs trimming the house.

second...the white lights in the bushes.

third...the draping of the white lights down the side walk path. (i distinctly remember convincing my dad to do this for our house when i was little.)

fourth...add in the wooden decorations in the yard.

fifth...the wooden decorations became all white with glitter.

sixth...the colored lights on the house needed to be replaced with all white.

seventh...the icicle lights are introduced.

eighth...the swag

ninth...the blow up lawn ornaments.

and introducing the next big "have to" trend...

the "wrap the tree trunk AND limbs with white lights" miracle.

you just wait. you'll see.

****

this is what annslee saw.

yep. she fell asleep (for the first time that day) right as we entered the neighborhood.

and yes...i woke her up.

aiden and chase acted like they had never seen fallen leaves before.

we were the worst parents in the entire universe and forced colt to be in this picture.

(are we noticing a trend here????)

aiden and annslee became familiar with rudolf...and even fed him a candy cane.

annslee got to wear my fur coat that i wore when i was her age. i'm aware that this is becoming a bit of a trend. but i just can't help myself. these articles of clothing are...like...national treasures.

this is what big brothers are good for. they taught her to put her finger in her nose every time i put the camera in her face.

uk tagged along...and even met a lady. :) she has already "friended" him on facebook. who knew that light perusing could be a way to get a date?

dad and i laughed. hard. i just love that my brother, my dad and i all get each other's quirky sense of humor and inside jokes. i was dying laughing when i took this picture. i'm surprised it's in focus.
(i'm pretty sure i was making some comment about our damage being done here after chase had fallen in a hole and twisted his ankle, colton was cussing us about the santa picture, aiden was crying because she got a leaf in her eye, and annslee was throwing a full-blown tantrum about getting in her car seat.)

it was nothin that a little visit to the chocolate bar couldn't fix!

annslee had a "baby cake." how cute is that?

i know that i am totally her mom and everything...

but i think that this girl is beautiful. everything about her is...

just...

simply...

beautiful.

and this guy...

well...

he was finally happy.

(for a second, anyway.)

and she was too.

i think she liked her baby cake.

and...cue the "nose" pic.

remind me to have a talk with her brothers.

****

iiiiiii'llllll take this...

and this...

aaaaaaannnnnnnnd this.

the next morning...we had our annual visit from our fireman santa.

they probably totally recognized us from our "i smell natural gas in our house that really isn't there" debacle.

and what i have to say about that...

is...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE FIREMEN WHO THINK I'M CRAZY!!!

merriment

2011-12-16T13:28:00.000-05:00

i can't tell you how extremely busy i have been...making december happen, just as i'm sure you all are as well. but, what i can tell you is that this girl caught the cold and spent the day on the couch and that boo radley spent the day doing his best to comfort her.

they watched a multitude of sprout cartoons together and i got things done around the house.

i can also tell you that this sweet girl has decided that she no longer needs to sleep. she is throwing full-blown tantrums at nap AND bedtime and it's enough to make me want to pull every hair on my head out one by one.

she has also decided that she does not need to ride in a stroller while we are out christmas shopping at places like hobby lobby, barnes and noble, and the galleria. so...that means most of my time is spent chasing her and taking things out of her hands instead of actually getting anything accomplished. and...if i insist on her riding in the stroller...she screams and yells and flails to the point that it's easier to just let her walk. she refuses to hold my hand in the parking lots and also refuses to sit in her car seat without a massive, man-handling war.

it makes me tired. i've said since she was born that "she makes me work."

but you know what...

she is totally worth it.

****

i got my craft on and busted out these beauties for the kid's teachers.

oh yeah. i went there. showin off my craftastic. in hind site...i would have started it way earlier. i mean...the day before makes things a bit stressful on the crafting front.

i hit the kid's class parties. would you believe that all 3 of them fell back to back, each over lapping 15 minutes? i only had 1 snafu and that was that i totally forgot the veggie tray and dip that i was in charge of for aiden's party. so, i called chad and begged. he came through and busted it on up there in plenty of time. and would you even believe that those vegetables didn't just go flyin off the tray? why are we taking vegetables to a 1st grade christmas party, anyway. total waste of time and money.

today was polar express day. they got to wear their pj's to school and watch the polar express. this made my job very easy this morning. aiden was thrilled to roll on out of bed and wear her pajamas to school. all we had to do was hair. she even had her friend spend the night and roll out of bed with her.

chad is picking them up as we speak and our holiday is officially beginning. on tap for tonight........

santa claus, the chocolate bar, and christmas lights.

now...that's merriment.

Peace, good will towards men.

2011-12-12T23:40:00.000-05:00

i just got back from a run with trout. don't get excited. it was just down the street and back. but...strangely, that was sufficient...for me, anyway. i can't believe that i used to be a runner. there was a time when i would not go to bed unless i had run my 3 mile lap through the subdivision. that was before i got married...but still. i used to could do it. now...i don't think i could run a mile if someone was chasing me with a knife.

however...if you want to enter a contest against me in diaper changing or hair braiding...

bring it.

****

in the last post, i mentioned the holiday lunch at the school. this year was my favoritest, by far. chad and i both went to all 3. and we had our friends there too. friends make everything better. i've decided.

speaking of friends...

here are 2 of aiden's favorites.

just looking at this picture makes me tear up. i know. it wounds weird. but it's the innocence. the joy. the toothless grins. the shared secrets. it's who i was before the world got to me. i don't want the world to get to them. they don't deserve it.

****

annslee caught a killer cold. i guess it's more like...it caught her.

and we all know what that means...

it caught me too.

even a sore throat couldn't keep me from savoring this sight. there is just something about two animals loving each other that is...well...happy.

evidently, they have come to some sort of agreement. they decided that if they were going to be forced to live together...in this crazy house...they might as well be allies.

****

on friday, colton took a personal day. if adults need and can take personal days...why can't kids? they are dealing with a lot too, after all. the pressures put on our kids these days by state tests and trying to find their place in this world was enough to give me chronic stomach aches in 7th grade...so who am i to argue when my little man needs a break from it all?

it was a day i won't ever forget with him. just him and me. like it was 10 years ago...when i would hold him in my arms all day long in order to protect him from harm. i didn't get to actually hold him this day...and i couldn't make all of his troubles disappear...but i did get to keep him under my wing. even if it was just for the day.

and later that evening, we had some old friends over for dinner.

a little beer based chili, good drinks, a camp fire, and marshmallows...i've found...keep everyone happy.

it got cold enough that aj could christen my red, velvet, christmas coat from when i was her age. my honey made it. which reminds me...i must learn to sow.

doesn't she just look like she needs to be in a horse drawn sleigh?

****

the next morning, we went to granna and grandaddy's for pancakes and eggs. i'm convinced that my father could open a breakfast place and only serve his whole wheat pancakes and eggs. it would be named the griddle...and me and my mom...and the girls would wear really cute aprons and help out in the kitchen and with the customers and the boys would sit around and talk and eat and laugh. we would have some of our favorite memories in the griddle. and we would know all of our customers by name. and when people walked in...they would feel like they were home.

today, chase took a personal day and came along to the galleria with granna, grandaddy, annslee and i.

it did him good.

he took his sister on her very first train ride.

and...let her wear is hat.

now...that's love.

i remember riding a similar train at the mall when i was little. i would get so excited. i had lost my faith in kids getting excited about stuff like that. these two were just the kids to redeem my faith in the excitement and magic of the little things.

to them...

it made their day.

annslee wanted to walk in her brother's footsteps.

even if it was just for tonight.

and then we gathered around the table and celebrated our advent activity.

tonight was "make a christmas card for a soldier."

they are on their way, larissa.

thanks for sending them for us!!

well folks...

warm pajamas and a good hallmark christmas movie is a-waitin.

i'll send the same message to you as i did to a brave, heroic soldier:

Glory to God

in the

Highest...

and on Earth

Peace,

good will to men.

Luke 2:14

i totally caved

2011-12-08T10:20:00.000-05:00

i totally caved. call me "out of the loop" if you like...because i had no idea that all this elf magic was happening all over town. i knew that sooooome of the kids at school had personal elves at home...but i had no idea that they were writing letter's (like, as a whole class) to their elves...begging them to come from the north pole. and then, (i'd guess from the conversation that i had with the kid's classmates yesterday at the holiday lunch,) that well over half of the kids parents trudged on out to the store and hunted down these things...because what else were they supposed to do, afterall? and then you have the whole issue that all of the kindergarten, first, second, and some third graders think that it's a true story...so the older grades do it too. i could be wrong, but from what i gather, these elves show up...and move around the house while the kids are away. (they're sneaky...those elves.) and then...all of the kids talk about the crazy antics and mischief making by the elves every day at school. some kids even bring their elf to school and they move around the classroom. (i don't know how the teachers make that happen.) so...my poor, little first grade girl was under the assumption that her elf just didn't care enough about her to actually show up. i listened to all the kids chatter, excitedly about it through lunch and watched my little darlins stay silent.

i have real mixed emotions about all of this.

don't get me wrong. i'm one santa hat and bad pair of pointy shoes away from an elf myself, this time of year...but i can't help but wonder how the kids...who's elves never "show up" feel at this point. do they ask their parents why? do they go to sleep, hoping every night that this will be the night? do they even tell their parents that this is what is happening at school? i know my 3 didn't.

during chase's holiday feast...the cafeteria was a-buzzin with kids and parents and bad plates of turkey and dressing. cue a tiny, little, third grade girl...complete with glasses constantly sliding down her nose...sitting all alone at the end of a busy table. i whispered, "would you like to come sit with us?" she shyly scooted into the chair across from chase and i and nibbled her sandwich. her eyes stayed on her lunch as we listened to all the kids talk of their elves. i looked at her and asked, "do you have an elf?"

with her eyes never leaving her lunch...she shook her head no.

there is where the problem lies.

this little girl's face made me really question whether my family jumping on the elf band-sleigh was the right thing to do.

i weighed out the options heavily. i landed on the truth that no matter how much i hate it...all of the christmas "stuff" is the same. some kids never get a visit from santa. some never open a present. some never have a stocking...and some never hear the words "merry christmas." but that fact doesn't mean that i will put a sign on my door that says, "santa not welcomed here." the stockings at my house are still hung by the chimney with care...and rest assured...st. nicholas soon will be here.

it does...however...remind me of how vitally important it is to build awareness in my children and in my church and in my community that we can not turn a blind eye to the above mentioned facts. and to enlist them in helping out with this where they can. even if our family provides a little bit of christmas for another family...it makes a difference. and more important than even that...

as fun and wondrous as it all is...

santa, stockings, reindeer, and elves are not what really makes christmas magical.

see...there's this other story. a story that is filled with way more magic and splendor than an elf landing in our house and moving around while the kids are out. a story about a baby...sent to rescue us. a story about a birth...that brought everyone from the lowly shepherds to the majestic kings to their knees in worship and admiration. that, my friends, is christmas magic.

the elves did show up last night. but we also had a conversation with the kids about what is really important and made them understand that not all of the kids had them. we thought about what we could do about that. and we decided that the clarkson elves could go to school and be an elf for all the kids in their classes that didn't have one. a "shared" elf, if you will. and that makes me very proud of my clarkson elves.

****

annslee actually played with...wait for it...toys the other day. this girl would much rather be getting into stuff and meandering around the house then playing with toys. but...low and behold...while i was dealing with cat piss laundry the other day...i heard a little ruckus from the hall. and this is what i found.

it's a sight that satisfies me greatly.

it's always good to have an audience.

i guess she was showin' trout how toy playin' goes down.

* please know that i don't think that the school is doing anything wrong by enouraging or participating in the whole "elf" thing. and i'm all about having fun with it. really. i am. the opinions in the post are strictly mine after observing (very limitedly) a small group of kids and something that we are using to further educate the kids about the reality of christmas.

questions answered and pictures to prove it

2011-12-06T10:42:00.000-05:00

what is not to love about a great hat? you have probably noticed that i have a long standing love affair happening with hats. i love wearing them, myself...and i certainly love putting the kids in them. colt won't really cooperate and wear anything but a baseball cap...but the rest of them do pretty good at humoring me with hat fashion.

so. here we go. i have had several of you e-mail or ask me about our family activity advent calendar. i posted a picture of the advent lodge that we use (from target) several posts ago. and what i did was cut red and green paper into strips and then enlist chad and colton to help me write the activities on them. you fold them up and put one behind each door. i fit all of the activities on the calendar (picture below) where they would fit best with our schedule and then made sure the right activity was behind the right door.

this is especially for you girls that have asked what our activities are:

day 1: go get tree

day 2: decorate tree (this didn't exactly happen as planned...but you get the point)

day 3: make cookies and watch polar express

day 4: make paper snowflakes (i put this on this night b/c chad and i had a church meeting)

day 5: play candyland

day 6: split an over-sized candy cane

day 7: read a chapter from the greatest christmas pageant ever

day 8: make a christmas card to send to the person of your choice

day 9: have friends over for dinner (already planned...so i just fit it in)

day 10: bake cookies for the neighbors

day 11: go see santa

day 12: make a christmas card and send it to a soldier

day 13: watch ELF (will use candy from the movie for treat)

day 14: play christmas charades

day 15: go get ice cream (invite a friend)

day 16: go look at christmas lights (pre-planned...so it had to go here)

day 17: pick out toys from playroom to donate and take them to lighthouse)

day 18: 4 siblings draw names and then go shopping for that sibling's present

day 19: build a gingerbread house

day 20: wrap gifts together

day 21: make reindeer food

day 22: watch the nativity story (amazing movie and i totally recommend it)

day 23: bake Jesus' birthday cake

day 24: attend christmas eve service and have a birthday party for Jesus at our house*

day 25: read the story of Jesus' birth from Luke 2 before we open gifts

*i may substitute one of the earlier activities next week with making birthday party invitations to give to everyone who will be here christmas eve. i didn't think of that one until later.

i wrote all the activities on my calendar so that i would know what was coming and would be able to plan for it.

****

day 2:

our decorating the tree magic happened to coincide with aiden losing her very first tooth. i had to fight the disappointment of not being with her when she lost it at school that day. i pulled all of their first teeth...but she insisted on letting this thing dangle until it fell out while she was eating a cupcake. i just don't get that. why not just pull it?

i set up a buffet of appetizers and cookies. the kids loved being able to pop on over for a cheese cube in between ornament hanging.

annslee hung her first ornament.

aiden followed in her footsteps.

they wrapped themselves in the holly-berry garland.

and when the star topper wouldn't stay straight...chase improvised.

i don't know how these didn't break where we ended up with all the tiny balls bouncing all over the foyer. that just seems like something that would have happened.

i like to call this picture, "stop taking pictures."

this was colt's ornament placement...right smack dab in the front. it took everything i had in me to not move those.

chad removed kermit and did some pruning to make the start work.

day 4:

we made snowflakes. this activity is really fun when it was just me and aiden last year...but it didn't go over super great with the boys. they were kinda bored with it. and i didn't like the clean-up. lotsa tiny paper snips and now my table cloth and place mats are caked with glitter glue.

annslee didn't really appreciate this craft either.

note to self...giving the girl markers and scissors to keep her quiet is not a good idea and should never be done again.

day 5:

christmas candyland.

this was hysterical. colton had me rolling the whole time. since there were only 4 game pieces and we had 5 playing (aj was in bed...we learned our lesson during the snowflake debacle)...colt decided to be baby Jesus.

and for the second game...we all decided to be a nativity piece. i'm not kidding when i say that colton and i were laughing so hard that we were crying. colton kept talking for the wise men and calling the camel an over-sized donkey and saying that we knew which square he was on because of the brown pile. you are just going to have to trust me when i tell you...that at the time...it was really funny.

and of course...true to form...chase had to march to the beat of his own drum and be luigi.

fine by me.

before the game started...annslee did this.

and ended up in time out, here.

which is why she didn't get invited to candyland.

****

my brother in law made my day and sent me these deer antlers. they are beauties.

in other news from the weekend...annslee made her debut on the church stage. the little ones sang in church. an added bonus was that she wore a jumper that mom made for me when i was little. i'm pretty sure she was hearing this song for the first time. she seemed to not really know what was going on.

so she started whispering to the teacher next to her. only she can't talk...but i was imagining it went something like this...

"pssssst. i don't really want to be up here. and i don't even know this song. could you please, kindly help me off this stage?"

and when that didn't work...she just clasped her hands and held her head high.

(that's my girl.)

the highlight of the performance is when she was on her way off the stage and spotted her granna and grandaddy in the audience waving at her.

after church, we celebrated one of chase's friends with bowling.

remember when we thought that bowling shoes should be casually stolen and become a part of our wardrobes? i'm not really feelin it anymore.

the little boy and his sister were born on exactly the same day. pretty cool.

until someone starts talking about joint birthday parties.

just one more thing...

enjoy your day, friends.

i walked for her

2011-12-05T11:45:00.001-05:00

saturday morning, i set my alarm for 6:30 am...which was earlier than it's been set in a long time. i had the honor and privelage to, not only walk in the buddy walk...but photograph it for a team of 70 people who where all their to support a little girl named, scarlett.

scarlett changed my heart when she was only 24 hours old. chad and i entered a quiet, dimly lit hospital room that housed a sleeping baby girl and her mother and father.

that is when, with a swaddled...sleeping baby in my arms, God began whispering and slowly opening my heart to the idea of being a mother to a baby girl with down syndrome.

the medical profession and the majority of the world may view a child being born with down syndrome as unfortunate and feel sorry for their families for having to be dealt that hand...but i'm here to tell you that this is not the way that Jesus, their maker, feels about these children. my heart sang...this is His child, who is wonderfully made!* this is a day to celebrate the blessing of this life! He has placed her in this world and in this family and He has plans and a purpose for her...plans to give her a future and a hope.**

i can't wait to tell this little girl, someday, that she is who God chose to bring me to the realization that we were to adopt a baby girl with down syndrome.

but until then...i will be content to take pictures of her, and the people who love and support her.

her little brother's feet walked for his sister

this day was emotional for me for several reasons. it was amazing to see over 7,000 people come together to show support and build community. it was incredible to see these children celebrated like they deserve to be celebrated every day. it was heart warming to see the love among friends and family. but most of all...i thought about a baby girl in an orphanage in ukraine...who may be ours. i imagined her laying in her crib...waiting. waiting to be loved. waiting to be appreciated. waiting to have a family.

waiting to be celebrated.

i walked for her.

* Psalms 139:13-16 For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

** Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

hop on board

2011-12-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

yesterday, chad broke down and told me to just go ahead and take the cat to get it's immunizations.

the poor thing had tape worms and when i went to tell the owners...they said that they didn't care and that they didn't want him. he lives in our yard and sleeps in the garage. he has basically decided that we are his.

so...

i did what any animal lover would do and got him taken care of at the animal alliance. those people are a non profit organization and fixed him right up.

today, i gave him a good bath and that's when he ended up right back where he belongs.

****

tonight, we started something that i pray lasts. last night, we ended the evening with a family meeting. we sat in, what we call the lodge room, surrounded by the warmth and sights of the season...a season that is meant to celebrate our Savior's birth and life, but also a season that brings love, joy, generosity, hope, and closeness to family and friends. it has come to my attention that when i make happy announcements, like..."we are going to get the tree tonight!!!!"...it is all too often met with a humdrum attitude of boredom. i notice this more in chad and the boys than i do the girls...and i had to ask myself, "why? what is happening here?"

when i was little, i waited all year for that announcement. i could not wait until mom, dad, kevin and i loaded into the car and headed out to builder's square to pick out the perfect christmas tree. in the car, we would discuss the details. do we want flocked or green? do we want fluffy or thin? and i can assure you...that every year...i argued for the tallest, fluffiest, flocked-ess tree there was. shouldn't the kids be the same way?

maybe i shouldn't expect my children to get excited about all the same things that we did back then. but still...i just know something isn't right.

i thought about it a lot over the last couple of days and came to a decision. it was time for a meeting.

i told my family that i was sad. i was sad because i saw where we were headed. the reason no one seemed to be satisfied with things like christmas tree selection or christmas light magic anymore is because they are bored with anything that doesn't involve a screen. if it isn't tv, video games, the computer, the phone, or the ipad...it's boring. and boredom is not where this problem was going to end. i saw these relationship stealers for what they really were. they were slowly going to intrude in such a way that we no longer want to (or even know how to) sit in the family room, around the christmas tree, and talk to each other. we would not remember how to listen anymore. we would not know how to communicate with one another anymore. and we would be...bored with each other. these screens were also very sneaky...and very good at making you frustrated and impatient when you don't have them. it began reminding me of other addictions, and understanding that just because something wasn't an "obvious" addiction didn't mean that it was any less dangerous. you see...the thing about sneaky addictions is that they slowly make you become angry, impatient, and irritated when you don't have them. you become angry at the things that are getting in the way of their fulfillment. and in this case...we were getting angry and impatient with each other (or tree decorating) for taking us away from our addiction.

after i finished my quiet, heart felt plea...chad spoke up.

he said, "from now on...all screens are to be turned off from 5:00 until 8:00." for the kids...that is bedtime.

no tv. no video games. no phones. no ipad. no computer.

our first night was tonight.

at 5:00, we turned everything off.

i saw a difference immediately. i plead with you to understand the tangible and automatic difference in the countenance of my family when there was no addiction holding us in it's grip.

at dinner, we talked and we laughed and we opened the advent door for the 3rd day of december.

chase read the red slip of paper...

bake cookies and watch the polar express as a family.

we baked the cookies, popped the popcorn and celebrated annslee's first viewing of one of our favorite christmas movies.

no one complained...

no one was looking at their ds...

no one wanted to be in another room...doing something else...

and no one was on their phone or computer or ipad.

it was a great night of family.

none of us wanted to be anywhere but where we were...or with anyone other than each other.

****

so, here's the deal. my family is calling this the "screen-free challenge."

we are invited you and your family to participate with us.

we would love to know who else is on board with us...so post a comment and we will cheer you on!

i will continue to post about our advent adventures, as well.

i've sorta stacked the advent house so that our nightly activities fall where i want them to. like, tomorrow night is making a homemade christmas card for the person of your choice. we will get out the paper, crayons, markers, and glitter...surround the kitchen table...and listen to christmas music as we spread a little love. the skies the limit...so break out the address book and stamps!

shhhhhhhhhhh...

don't tell.

now...hop on board.

happy birthday hissy fit

2011-12-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

my girl's got manners. she has this way about her...that just screams polyanna or anne of green gables. sometimes she talks like she stepped right out of yesteryear. and i say yesteryear...because i really have no idea what time period anne of green gables was set in. but...nevertheless...her old school politeness makes my heart smile.

just now, i asked the girls if they were ready for lunch. (more on why aiden is home from school today, later.) annslee nodded yes. so, i started getting out the left overs from last night and informed them that i was going to heat up some mashed potatoes.

aiden quietly said, "i'm not felling that hungry right now. i feel more thirsty than hungry."

i said, "would you like for me to get you a drink? maybe some milk?"

she sweetly and modestly replied, "i would love some milk. thank you."

this is not the way chad and i talk. we are not even close to "proper." and i can assure you that the boys and annslee have not taught her this. so i must assume...

she is a self taught lady.

****

after an ER bill, a dog surgery bill, and an orthopedic bill...we had to resort to home cooked meals, crayon colored cards, and song and dance numbers set to the music of the 1st grade choir program for chad's birthday celebration.

annslee and i escaped to the store yesterday morning to get the ingredients for his "chipped beef and mashed potatoes" birthday dinner and "made from scratch" strawberry shortcake. that trip went surprisingly well...so i decided to stop on over at tj maxx to try and locate the souffle pan that target didn't have. i thought, "i don't need the stroller...i'm just running in real fast...i'll carry her...she will be fine."

mistake.

as soon as that child saw the purse section...she started flailing around, pointing, and acting like a raging lunatic until i let her go take a gander. now...i love a good purse as well as the next person, but we just didn't have time.

luckily she spotted a juicy couture purse that was about as big as she was right off the bat. so, i did what any mother who wants to avoid a knock-down-drag-out-tantrum in the middle of the store would do. i let her carry it around on her shoulder while we shopped.

i had hung my keys in the pocket of my jeans...so that i would have easy access to them when we left. (let's face it...they could easily be snatched up by the little elves that live in my huge purse that sneakily move things around as i'm digging for them.)

so...now we are good.

annslee has her purse.

i have a non-screaming child.

and everybody can carry on.

they didn't have a souffle pan...so i ended up leaving that place with nothing.

as we got to the car...i reached down to get my keys from my pocket and they were gone. i dug through my purse...cursing the purse elves. and then i asked annlsee where my keys were. (rhetorically, of course.) that's when i remembered her trying like nobody's business to show me the paper stuffing in the purse while we were in the junior's jean section. (it's absolutely none of your business why we were there when all i needed was a souffle pan...and how rude of you to question me, anyways.) i just kept nodding and saying, "yeah...i see the paper in there."

i said, "annslee. did you take mommy's keys?"

she nodded, "yes."

"are they in the store?"

she nods again.

"do you know where you put them?"

yes.

"show mommy."

we walk back in the store and that girl waddles straight to her friend, the purse, and digs out all of the paper stuffing. she smiles and points and proudly says, "eeeeeeeeeys."

sure enough...there those suckers were...in the bottom of the juicy. to her defense...she had been trying to tell me all along.

and chad wonders why, when he is home, i want to leave her at home with him if i need to run a quick errand. there ain't nothin quick when she's involved.

****

i put that experience behind me and got to work on the meal as soon as we got home.

by the time the potatoes were on the stove...the keys were a distant memory.

i wanted chad to come in to a peaceful home, filled with the smell of a home cooked meal, welcomed by children who's homework was done, and flickering candles. i wanted him to set his briefcase down at the door, notice the clean house, and let the hugs from the kids melt his day away. i wanted the celebration to start.

sadly...annslee broke a glass all over the kitchen floor seconds before he walked in.

just pay no attention to that.

only this.

and this.

and your pre-dinner entertainment.

they can sing...

aaaaaannnnnd dance.

after dinner, i put chad on bath duty so that i could clean up the kitchen.

mistake.

aiden comes out, wrapped in a towel ,with a dripping cast.

chad said, "she didn't get it that wet...and i shot the hair drier in there and dried it out."

ummmmmm...

then why is it dripping?

after about a half hour of this...

we realized that it wasn't gonna dry.

so...first thing this morning, we called up the doctor and they rushed us in while informing me that i should have taken her to the emergency room to have them remove the cast last night because it is essentially killing her skin and that they needed to get it off of her right now.

oh.

of course.

mother of the year award goes to "this guy." (pointing to self)

we were in such a rush that i had to take sister friend with us.

mistake.

so...that's why she is home today.

****

this has pretty much been aj...

all day.

her shirt is just so appropriate.

"i feel a hissy fit coming on."

and poor trout.

he resorts to hiding under one of the trees to escape.

i know. cause i found him eating it.

****

ok. i will leave you now. i have some coloring to do with my girl.

step back, scrooge

2011-11-29T10:20:00.000-05:00

trout is slowly becoming himself again. his spirits are lifted...no thanks to this cone that he has to wear.

the kids and i call him melman...after the ocd/hypocondriac/cone wearing giraffe from the madagascar movies. chad calls him "cone-man the barbarian."

regardless of what we call him...he can't see anything. he runs into everything from the walls...to the couch...to the cabinets. last night, he knocked annslee down with the cone.

it was an accident, of course.

my girl got her permanent cast yesterday. after much debate...she landed on blue. i think it is an excellent choice.

i was really pushing for red...since red would look best with her christmas dress, but she was pretty sure about this blue color. i already have plans for a white paint pen and some snow flake designs...but for now, we are letting it shine in all it's pretty, blue spendor.

and don't even get me started on the ungly, sharpie marker, 1st grade signiture possibilities. that's just gonna totally throw off my snow flake design.

last night...we finally had a pleasant, celebrate-the-holiday sort of evening.

it was tree-getting day.

get ready for some christmas magic, kids. and don't even think about trying to bring me down with any "humbug" attitude.

the good Lord must have been smiling down on us...because this outing could not have gone any better if santa, himself had shown up.

kermit came along...which was fine by me. he's way better company than mario, luigi and the ds.

aiden got to sport her dress coat. the first year she got this coat...i never let her wear it because i was completely against it getting dirty. that resulted in her wearing it only once...to some dressy event that i can't even remember. now...i let her wear it whenever she wants. and do you know what? that thing never seems to really get dirty. (lesson to self.)

true to form...chase accidently knocked the tree we were testing over when he tried to climb it.

chad was abviously out of control during that moment.

the good news is that it didn't fall on anyone.

and also true to form...aiden found her charlie brown rescue tree. this one was really cute and only $16...so naturally, i tried to talk chad into getting it for her room.

he put the cabosh on that idea with the whole "fire hazard" reasoning.

why must he always be thinking clearly?

annslee stopped to smell the poisonous flowers.

what is this backwards peace sign, anyway? i don't really get it. does it still mean "peace" to whoever you are signing it to...or does it mean "peace to the person it's pointing toward?" (in this case, colt is saying "peace to himself.") or is it the new way that kids give their parents the bird without us realizing what's happening?

at this point, i can't be sure.

i just know all the kids are doing it these days.

we had to pull a fast one to get annslee out of there without this guy.

she toted him all over the store. i still don't know how we avoided a tantrum. it must have been that whole, "God smiling down on us" thing.

this year colt became a real helper with roping the tree to the top of the truck.

that's a right of passage for a boy.

and that speck of light in the sky...

well...

that would be my favorite moon...in my favorite waxing or waning cresent form.

i was a huge help by sitting in the car, where it was warm, with the other 3 kids while they got the tree situated.

this morning actually provided a nice sight. trout got to take a little break from the cone to enjoy a dog bone. this was a sight for sore eyes.

look at how much they had to shave of his stomach. his insiscion is all the way from his chest to his hips.

poor guy.

we finally got the furniture re-arranged and the tree perfectly placed.

"little full.

lotta sap."

for our anniversary, we splurged on this advent lodge. in the next few days, i'm printing out a bunch of christmas, family activities...like making paper snow flakes, reading a christmas story together, carol at the neighbor's house (yeah...no one is gonna really be on board with that one), and going to look at lights. i will put one behind each door and they will open 1 each day until christmas.

step back, scrooge.

the fog is beginning to lift...

and i'm back in celebratory business.

last night, as chad was tucking the kids in...he was giving them Bible character quizzes. he asked, "who used a sling shot in the Bible?"

chase triumphantly replied...

"THE ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

ummmmm....

no.

november 27, 2011

2011-11-27T11:56:00.000-05:00

to say that we've had a rough week is an understatement. well...if we are measuring things based on whether or not we have a roof over our heads and food to eat...then we are doing swimmingly. however, if we are judging based on small, little, stressful, very expensive joy stealers...then i'm your girl.

chad always says that trials come in threes.

i've always dismissed his pessimism and replaced it with my "always-willing-to-look-at-the-brightside/celebrate-the-small-moments-of-life-in-grandiose-ways-even-if-it-is-raining-on-us-as-we-tie-the-christmas-tree-to-the-top-of-the-roof-of-the-car" attitude. after all...twinkly lights are in our near future. and twinkly lights can fix anything.

accept when it's me against the house...as it usually is, these days.

my children take after their father and somehow didn't get my flare for the dramatic and magic.

colt usually gets frustrated right out of the gate. and it's usually for a good reason...like aj making a scene and knocking a whole line of christmas trees over like dominoes...while everyone in the vicinity looks at us with that "wow...those parents have totally lost control of their lives" glare. chase is usually running into walls and isle displays because he just could not abandon mario and luigi in their time of need on the ds screen to do something as trivial as pick out a tree. aiden is usually trying hard to help...but gets distracted with the poor, little, charlie brown tree that is covered in mud and is already too far gone to nurse back to help and starts crying when we explain why we can't take it home. and then there's annslee. while she is busy knocking down things...she is screaming "me" and throwing herself on the ground out of frustration that we don't understand what it is, exactly, that she is wanting.

you will have to excuse me.

my flare for positivity is slowly being replaced with a feeling of...

well...

whatever the feeling is called when you want to go to bed...pull the covers up over your head...and not wake up until the new year offers the promise and hope of a new beginning.

what happened to the joy...the hope...the magic of it all?

we went to celebrate thanksgiving at mom and dad's. we got there super late due to a sibling squabble and the big girl's arm hurting her something fierce.

but when i saw these two lovely ladies...it sort of felt like thanksgiving.

my girl just wasn't up to par.

and quite frankly...after spending the previous evening in the ER and (not) sleeping with her arm resting on top of my body all night and therefore trying not to move at all...neither was i.

we had to jet before i even got to look through a black friday ad with mom and honey because i left her pain medicine at home and she was in tears by dessert.

now...i'm thankful and all...

but i'm not gonna lie.

i wasn't terribly sad to see this day end.

even though i wasn't shopping tomorrow, as planned...

friday was going to be a new day. a fresh start.

not so...my friends.

trout ended up having to have emergency surgery during the middle of the night because he had eaten a ton of dirt and it ended up forming a hard blockage that got stuck in his intestines and caused them to start twisting like a balloon animal. if we would have waited any longer to take him in...he would have died.

our choice was...so the surgery...or put him down. the vet was able to open him up, remove the blockage, and put his intestines back together. he should be fine. however, that drained our adoption fund and the kids can forget about college...but...

whatever.

****

we will just make the best of things and head on down to the mall of the mainland "cheap seats" movie theater to take annslee to her very first movie...the muppets.

this will be a wonderful family experience...filled with love and the wonder that only movie theater popcorn can bring.

note to self...once the twizzlers are gone...annslee is, most definitely, NOT ready for the movie theater.

at one point, she tried to scale the seat in front of us while screaming as i tried to pry her grip from the seat. apparently...she thought the kid in front of us had her twizzlers.

****

this morning...i woke up alone, and on the couch. aiden has completely taken over our bed. (her concern for falling out of her twin bed and onto her arm seems fair enough...and my resolve for anything other than letting her sleep in our bed is tired.) chad had to head to church early, for work and i am waiting on a call from the vet so we can go pick up trout.

that's when i groggily looked at my phone and saw the date.

november 27th.

our 12th wedding anniversary.

do i dare hope for a day of loving celebration?

i'm a little cynical, at this point.

****

so...currently, the kids and i are watching a christmas movie on the hallmark channel. the mom in the movie blurted out something about her son not believing in santa claus anymore and i started yelling and screaming, "OWWWW...OOOOOHHHHH...OWWWWWWWW...I JUST GOT A PAIN...OWWWWW!!!"

while grabbing my chest. (in hind-sight...i probably could have come up with something better.)

that's when aiden thought i was having a heart attack.

i was just trying to block out the "anta-say ot-nay eing-bay eal-ray" talk.

colton caught it and calmly said, "i think she's just having a seizure" trying to make them feel better about the possible heart attack.

i looked at him...like..."REALLY????"

and said...

"i'm not having a seizure."

****

happy thanksgiving.

merry christmas.

happy anniversary.

and happy whatever else is going on.

happy thanksgiving, friends

2011-11-24T14:43:00.001-05:00

yesterday, we packed up and headed to the woodlands for the day. we were meeting ben and dea (my best from high school), their kids...and ian (another friend from high school) at fuddruckers for lunch.

i just love it when my old friend's kids and my kids play together. there is just something very comforting about that sight.

dea's daughter, audrey is only 5 weeks older than aiden...but look how much taller she is. she is super model material.

annslee and croix look like they could be fraternal twins, i think. which is strange...seeing that dea and i look nothing alike and chad and ben look nothing alike. but...none-the-less...these two look oddly similar.

croix does have big blue eyes and annslee does have big brown eyes...

but besides that fact...

these two girls were each other's first friend.

i love that.

take a good look at this play fort. the monkey bars that are to the right, and just out of frame...well...i'm in a fight with those mean things.

evidently, aiden got up her nerve to try to cross those monkey bars herself and darn it...if they didn't get the best of her. right in front of are eyes...her hand slipped and she fell to the ground. i heard her scream and i saw her awkwardly grab her arm and try to scramble to her feet. only she couldn't get up. it was in that split second...as i saw her daddy run to her...as i darted out the back door to meet them...as i heard her cries, that my "mommy voice" whispered, "it's broken."

we layed her down on the couch and began to work as the team that we are. as my good friends from high school grabbed ice packs and offered promises of ice cream, chad checked where the closest ER clinics (with radiologists present) were located and i held my girl.

ben and dea kept the other kids, ian opened the car door for me to load her in her seat, and chad gathered all of our stuff.

i told colton to help watch his brother and sister and he nodded as i kissed his forehead i and knew that he was the best man for the job.

at the hospital...they knew it was broken as soon as we walked in the door. i know this...because i overheard the triage nurse tell the doctor before he walked in the room.

my girl was a trooper. i don't think i would have handled things near as well as she did.

she cried, yes...but she never complained.

today, i woke up with my girl snuggled next to me in my bed and i was profoundly thankful for what we have.

when she needed it...we had an amazing hospital emergency room to take her to; we had a nice doctor from texas childrens hospital, who knew exactly what he was doing; we had instant care from old friends to watch our other three children; we had a car to drive us home; we had a comfortable, warm house to come home to; we have pharmacies on every corner to fill prescriptions so that she could sleep; and we have countless options of orthopedics to make her cast. she even has color choices. a sure sign that we have excess.

yes...my girl's arm will be fine.

but i can't help but think about all the children out there today...(who if this happened to them...where they live...and with their circumstances)...wouldn't be.

happy thanksgiving, friends.