ashes, ashes, they all fall DOWWNNN!

well, the past 4 weeks or so has been very enlightening for me. i have learned quite a bit about myself, my strengths, my weeknesses, and then those little aspects about yourself that you don't even want to admit are there. expectations and perfectionism gets me every time. it is always better to admit. only then can you make any changes...or should i say, only then does God have any room to make changes in you. even though there are always people who have it easier and better than us, and there are people who have it a lot harder than us...there are still times that we just don't handle life with grace and ease. the past month has been that way for me. i spent a lot of time and energy on things that don't really matter in the long run...like cleaning, organizing, trying to make things perfect for company, typing up very detailed menus and such. do you think my kids care about any of that? NO. all they care about is that i am spending quality time with them. even the things that i had to do that was very much for them did not seem to be what they were craving from me...such as the 8-10 doctor's appointments, christmas shopping, cleaning their rooms, doing their laundry, bathing, feeding, making pilgrim hats for all the kids in colton's class, organizing the thanksgiving feast for colton's class, going to the school to have thanksgiving lunch with colton in the lunch room, etc. etc. etc. needless to say, i got a little overwhelmed. i needed to be getting the house ready and grocery shopping and getting all the christmas presents ready for chad's family to come in, yet wild horses couldn't keep me away from the yummy thanksgiving meal from the caffeteria at bauerschlag elementary school. there was a moment last week...friday to be exact...when i realized that all the balls that i had been attempting to juggle had just come crashing down on me and were bouncing all over my kitchen floor. i had agreed to make the pilgim hats for colton's class despite knowing that i did not have the time for it. (i am the room mom, and everyone knows that the room mom can't say no to things like pilgrim hat design.) anyways, they were to be delivered with colton on friday morning for the kids to do a pilgrim project and guess were i found them friday at 11:30 when i went to feed chase and aiden lunch? sitting on the bar in my kitchen...very definitely NOT at the school where they were supposed to have been. the kids were getting out for thanksgiving that day, and i quickly realized that there would be no way to make them work when they came back to school after the thankgiving holiday...i mean santa in a pilgrim hat just doesn't work. so, that was my moment. that was when the balls fell. that was when i realized that my brain capasity was full and that what was happening was that every new piece of information was kicking out something stored in there. i had received a new demand, and sending the hats had been kicked out. it was sort of freeing actually. with chase and aiden standing at my feet, waiting for their lunch, i just put my face in my hands and let the balls fall. i had taken on too much. it just wasn't gonna to happen. i took the hats at noon when i took chase to school and only 1 kid wore one at the feast. i had to hold my tongue when i walked in colton's class. i wanted to scream...EVERYONE IN HERE IS GOING TO WEAR A PILGRIM HAT AND LOVE IT!!!! but that's o.k. colton, along with everyone else wanted to be an indian. oh well. chad's family is getting here today, and guess what? the house is not decorated for christmas like it was supposed to be, food is not prepared yet, the kids are running wild, chad just got home from new york, the phone is ringing, i have to go to target, i am still in my pj's at 12:26...oh great, i just looked at the clock and realize lunch time has come and gone...my poor kids, and i am spending time blogging instead of all those needed things because i knew i needed a break. and i'm smiling...happy...and at peace because at least the balls are on the floor and not over my head anymore.