i'm just a girl

chad left this past monday for orlando and gets back tonight. in my opinion the kids have a tendency to "double" while chad is out of town. 1 feels like 2...2 feels like 4...and 3 feels like 6. monday was pretty uneventful. the boys had school and i did laundry. it seems like aiden and i did something...but i honestly can't remember what. tuesday, colton had his first grade field trip. they needed parent volunteers because there is no way that 1 teacher can keep up with 20 first graders on a farm. especially when you times 20 by about 6 for the other classes and then add in another school that was also there. a lot of parents ended up going to help out which was nice. this farm was about an hour away. i did not know this when we started out. only the kids and their teacher were allowed on the bus, so all the moms had to caravan behind the bus in their own cars. the bus made a wrong turn and got lost, so we then had several buses and a long line of cars pulled over on the side of the road for a while and the bus drivers called and got better directions. then, after we all turned around and got back on track, we got stuck at a stopped train. we sat there for about 15 minutes or so until one of the teachers called the police and had them call the rail line to have them move the train. they did and we finally arrived at the farm. i had drank my morning coffee on the way and had to go to the bathroom really bad at this point. the first thing i notice when i get out are the port-a-potties. yuck. anyhow...we went on a hayride where the kid next to me had an allergic reaction to the hay and started snotting and sneezing all over. then, a cow that we were feeding started swooshing his poopie covered tail all over us. all the kids (and me) started screaming and holding their noses. finally, we moved on. next up was the big slide made out of pvc pipes. i had never been on one and colton wanted me to go with him. huuuuh. i climbed the ladder and we made a train with colton and some of his other friends. then we went to this big jumping thing where i, again, unable to tame the inner child within, jumped with all the kids. there was 1 other mom jumping and a teacher...so i didn't feel so ridiculous. it was so hot outside too. after jumping for a while, i realized how out of shape i was and made a mental note to start working out asap. then, we headed over to the butterfly walk where the kids heard a presentation about the life cycle of butterflies. at this point...i was sunburned and sweating and was thinking "catapillar...wings...miracle...blah blah blah...lets go". side note to self...next time, wear shorts. jeans and sweating on a farm don't mix. then we went to the corn maze where they got to play in corn. at this point, i was over the farm experience and sat on a bench under a tree and texted chad. he was, of course in an air conditioned 5 star hotel with friends having lunch catered. this is when a made a mental note that i was too tired to start working out and we should definitely put that off for a couple of months...or 10. finally...we head back to the school.

we had made early dinner plans with one of colton's friends from school and somehow ended up at chuck e cheese. all you have to do is add a few fire pits and...in my opinion...you have hell.

as i was getting the kids out of chuck e cheese and into the car...which was like herding cats...chad texted me that he was at dinner with rick warren...the author of the purpose driven life and one of the most influential pastors in the world right now. i texted back...something like this...

"let me get this straight. i have been out at a farm all day, currently smell like a cow and stale pizza and am now in the middle of herding 3 very hyper children out of chuck e cheese only to get home to have to do the whole bath and bed thing alone...and you are having a nice, quiet dinner with famous people?"

he didn't reply.

wednesday...i had to register colton for baseball, which would have been fine accept chad told me the wrong place, making signing colton up for baseball a "drive all over creation...drag 2 whiny kids around...in and out of car seats umpteen times...end up being late to pick up colton from school couple of hours." it was somewhere in the middle of all this that chad casually texts me that i will have to coach chase's soccer practice that night. (it was at this point that i had an irrational picture in my mind of chad eating an ice cream cone strolling through disney world.) i digress. i played soccer. soccer was my sport. i know soccer. i love soccer. at the beginning of the season, chad had to ask me how you are supposed to kick the ball. (he's not going to appreciate me adding that in there.) this is not going to be a problem. however...i don't know how effective i can be at coaching 11 4 and 5 year olds soccer with aiden on my hip because she's tired of being dragged all over town for her brother's sake. all she wants to do is color in her hello kitty coloring book with mommy. (i'll squeeze that in during bath time. crayons can get wet. right?) i'll make it work. i sit down for 2.8 seconds and then realize that i have to go tie the soccer goal to the top of the suburban for practice. i got that done faster than i thought and proceeded to get the kids in the car to head to practice. aiden is crying because she forgot her purse and whining that she needs her lip gloss; colton is begging for gum and talking incessantly about the baseball sign up and how i didn't do it right as i realize i had forgotten to pack some water for us all and i'm thinking that i just don't have time for the nervous breakdown i deserve. on the way there, chase said..."where's my daddy?" i said, "he's still out of town, baby." then he says, "who's gonna coach my soccer practice?" i said...proudly..."momomy will." to that he said, "nooooooo. i need my daddy to. you can't play soccer. you're just a girl."

count to 10...count to 10...count to 10. make that 20.