wednesdays with beth

i am in a women's bible study that meets at a lovely lady's house on wednesday evenings, after the sun has gone down and the babes are on their way down.  this is generally the only time i leave the loves with their father in the evenings in order to go feed my soul.  although i love this time...as does my soul, i still hate saying goodnight to them, all snug in their jammies, knowing that i am missing stories and smooches, and that they will be long asleep by the time i come home.  however, i think that it is good for everyone that chad take over these mundane, yet magnificent activities for an evening.  after seeing my mug all afternoon (for the 3 oldest) and all day (for the littlest)...they are always ready to welcome the scruffy bearded mug of their daddy.  it's a win-win.

back to my bible study.  i hesitate to even call it a bible study.  that just sounds...so...i don't know...common.  at least, common in the world of church people.  the term "bible study" has potentially lost it's punch, as often, people don't actually study the bible at all.  more, they are studying self helpy kinds of books or some packet of information designed to increase awareness on a certain topic.  all this is fine, and all.  truly.  it is.  don't get your tinsel in a tangle.  we all learn a lot and it's great.  i digress.  all of that to say, that i am very refreshed to be in a bible study that is cracking open the actual bible.  i don't know if you have heard of beth moore, but i 100 percent recommend any of her bible studies.  right now, we are watching a dvd called, wednesdays with beth.  we have only watched 2, and both were very meaty and basically spoon fed me the word of God, which i was actually very, very hungry for.  when you don't eat, you stop feeling hungry after a while.  often, it is not until you smell or taste the food that you realize that you are, indeed, starving to death.  isn't that just like the enemy? 

take aways: (in my own words)

week 1

- if being a Jesus follower is the narrow road, then being a relevant christian is walking a tight rope.  you fall to one side, and you fall into carnality.  who hasn't done this?  the world gets all over you.  it's ugly.  trust me...i know.  you fall to the other, and you fall into hyperchristianity.  both have the same result.  you lose any chance of influencing people to chose to follow Jesus.
- life is hard anyway.  i might as well chose to effectively walk the tight rope.  make hard matter.  make it count.  make it have purpose.
- God has carefully thought out his plan and purpose for our lives.  the enemy is carefully thinking out his plan to destroy us.
- God's purpose always exceeds the pain.  (in terms of trials)

week 2 (studying the story of leah/rachel and jacob)

- both of these women wanted what the other had.  isn't that so relevant for us today?  we want what we do not have.
- what is it that i feel like i lack?  rachel says to jacob, "if you don't give me children, i will die."  isn't that just like us?  we look to other people to give us what we want.  what is it that i am desperate for?  what or who am i making responsible for my happiness?  because that is where the war is.  make no mistake that the enemy is watching very carefully over our chief desires. 
- desire eventually turns into desperation.  desperation does not make good decisions.
- ask God to fill up every broken and empty space in my life with himself before making decisions.
- many woman report feeling that their worth goes up when they are carrying a child.  people treat them more importantly because they are carrying another life.  they offer them their seats, they offer them a hand when going down stairs, etc.  WE ARE HOUSING THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST!!!  AND WE WONDER WHERE OUR SIGNIFICANCE IS????
- fill in the blank:  surely______________will love me now.  (leah has 3 sons...thinking that she will win jacob's love that way.)  who's love am i desperate for?  what can i do to make that person love me?  this leads to oppression/trap/stronghold.
- every woman turns into a leah.  there is aways someone prettier, funnier, smarter than rachel.
- God's approval is a whole lot easier to get than man's.
- scars don't still hurt.  if something touches you in a place and it still hurts-then it is still a wound.  let God heal you.  don't let it get infected.
- we do STUPID stuff in our time of desperation and rejection.  (um...AMEN!!)  God can heal those wounds.  God gives us our dignity back. (Praise Him.)
- Often we move on to think...if i can't get them to love me, then i will get them to need me.  GOD SAYS I HAVE MORE VALUE THAN THAT!!!!!  geeeeesh.
- do not make decisions based on rejection!!
- specifically regarding loveless marriages, etc...God can create love out of nothing. (this is in no reference to you, babe...in case you are reading this.)  :) 
- desperation can turn into obsession. and vise-versa.
- obsession=stronghold
2 cor 10:5  (anything that turns into obsessive thinking is a stronghold. praise god he can heal our hearts and minds.)
- when obsession turns into desperation, you start feeling like you are the one person on earth that God can't help/heal.  sound familiar?
- be desperate for Jesus to make you healthy and complete in him.

thank you God for making me hungry again.  and thank you for feeding me.  help me to not let the enemy convince me that i don't need or want food.  protect my heart, mind, soul.  (and stomach, while you're at it.)  i love you.