being a mom is nothing but extraordinary. i asked God to help me live an extraordinary life...and He reminded me that He had given me a complicated husband and 4 children. ("complicated" being a good thing.)
you can't really put all of the thoughts and emotions that come with being a mom into a nice, little paragraph of words that will make sense. it's more like speaking in tongues. like...you grunt and groan and sigh and ooooh and aaaaahhhhh and close your eyes tightly and let your heart be overwhelmed with gratitude and love, while hoping that God knows what your conflicted heart is saying.
and it's really strange that you have to go to school for four plus years in order to be employable and, better yet, acceptable for a good number of jobs out there. however...anyone can become a mother. even children, themselves.
i take my job extremely serious.
i can't let anything get in my way of a job well done.
and that includes a bitter heart.
it's clear to me what kind of mother God wants me to be to these precious angels that he gifted and entrusted me with. i asked for them. and he pooled together his resources and He let 4 of His children...whom He loves more than anything in this world...go and selflessly gave them to us to love and teach and raise and cherish.
how hard must that have been? you take a young, scared girl who gives up her baby to a couple, who she doesn't know, to raise and love and trust to do what she thinks she can't...thinking of the child before her own self and times it by alot....and that's the situation. it's selfless, sacrificial love at it's finest.
only He is trusting me to do what He knew He could do a whole lot better than me.
Love them.
my truth is that i can allow myself to dwell on the stuff that doesn't really matter.
i have written that "i am a person that desires and craves validation and appreciation but have chosen to live with the title wife and mom...where my payment comes in the form of hugs and kisses and the occasional "i hate you for saying no" instead of awards and promotions."
and if i let myself...
i start believing the lie that my worth is wrapped up in my payment.
so...when the kids get a little older and the "i hate you's" become a little more frequently received than the hugs and kisses...i lose sight of my truth.
the joy...
the rewards...
the gift is in my journey.
my every day.
the service.
i must serve...
because i'm serving Him while i'm serving them.
and although i will never get a paycheck, telling me that i am appreciated...
there are hidden moments in the every day...
that when you open your eyes...can't be missed...
moments that say, "thank you."
it's confusing sometimes...
learning how to turn frustrating/angry/end of your rope moments into kingdom focused/thankful/eye on the prize ones.
but...
i'm learning.
and the truth is...it's often that the jobs that you volunteer for end up being the ones that you go to bed feeling the best about.
i believe what God say's love is:
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoce at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1st Corinthians 13: 4-8
when i die, i want my children to say...
"our mom? well...she sure did know how to love."
1 comment:
Mindy, in a world where a career means everything and promotions are the highs of life, I find your blogs refreshing. You have answered a woman's highest calling, the gift of being a mother and mommy.
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