c spot: joy come softly

i woke up this morning with good intentions. i swear, i did.

it's been a week of mama fail.

the kind where you wake up after your kids have been up for a while and realize that they didn't come and get you. then you stumble to the coffee pot and realize that they have gotten their own breakfast. then you laze around while they play video games all.day.long...and maybe you throw a load of laundry in every now and then. or maybe you don't. you just think, "i really should be doing something worthwhile. i really should be reading to them....or playing with them...or taking them somewhere."

i could make excuses....like....

well...chase threw up tuesday morning and that took up all my allotted cleaning skills for the week.

but we all know the truth.

the truth that sometimes we just don't have it in us.

everywhere i look...there are people or animals or things that need my attention. and it can get overwhelming. it can getcha downright down.

like...i'm juggling, like, 12 balls...and if i let one of them go...

everything comes crashing down. so i might as well set them all down willingly.

heaven forbid i forget to brush trout or george bailey for a day...because that buys you a house full of shedded fur.

and you can just forget it if you say, "take the dog out" and they hear "LET the dog out"...because it's two totally different things.

you mean go out with the dog...but they think it's adequate to just let him out the back door and leave him for an hour. that buys you going out to find some serious, muddy holes in the yard and a mud covered dog that needs a bath before he can come back in.

and lawd have mercy...if you leave them in charge of the baby upastairs...

...they send her down as "bat girl."

she had bigger boobs than dolly.

i need those things more than she does. let's be honest.

we did make the annual picture by the tree happen.

my goal is to take a picture of her in front of this tree every year...since they were sorta "planted" around the same time.

it shows how they both grow.

and heavens sakes...if you leave the flower beds unattended for 3 weeks...the earth apparently opens up and eats them.

4 hours and 5 blisters later...

...one of them is done.

and when you are in "lazy mama mode"...

you sorta let them dress themselves.

i'm fairly certain that flicka didn't wear anything BUT pajamas all week.

i have to force myself off my tail and make grandiose declarations like,

"WHO WANTS TO MAKE LEMON BARS????"

not because I really want to make lemon bars...

but because i feel guilty...

because everyone else is going to the zoo...or the boardwalk...or taking their kids to camp...or disney world...or swimming...or the children's museum.

so...you do things like make lemon bars so that they can't say...

"my mom lays on the couch all day and doesn't even make us breakfast."

i've realized something about myself...which is always scary and welcoming, at the same time.

i drastically fluctuate in energy and mood depending on what is going on and who is with me.

like...4100 mile, 3 week trips across the country??? i'm down...because i'm not alone.

have a house full of company??? throw another log on the fire.

but...the in-between??? it's all about recovery.

and i've learned that my recovery period is more emotional than physical.

i have to come down from the constant friends and family and laughter and activity...like coming down off of a drug.

which means there are a few somewhat boring and depressing days.

and it's during those days that i feel like a crappy mom.

i'm not saying that there shouldn't be down days. i'm just saying...life must go on. and happiness must too.

****

so last night, i went to bed at 9:00...vowing to wake up this morning with my flair back. and i did. i got up, made cinnamon rolls, made doctor's appointments, cleaned up around the house, told the kids to turn off the TV and to get their swim suits on.

i called a friend to go with us...you know...because sometimes a friend is what a person needs to keep their summer fun flag raised...and we hit the pool as it opened.

don't get me wrong...

it was fun. and i saw mundane magic when annslee put her face in the water and when colt flew down the water slide and when aiden decided that she was no longer scared to swim...

but i couldn't help but let the eeyore mood come out when a kid pooped in the pool and we all had to get out. and then i got a seriously sad call from UK. and then i didn't get aj out of her swim diaper before she peed all over the chair and floor. and then when i was cleaning that up, colton spilled his ENTIRE smoothie that i had just made him. the dvd player quit working as i was putting in a movie for them. annslee wouldn't stop whining. the dog chewed up the furniture. the cat spilled his water. i realized that in all my attempts to pull my "mamaself" together, i totally blew off annslee's speech appointment this morning. and all that was just in a span of 2 hours.

so...after trying so hard to give them a good, but normal summer day...i ended up losing my patience and griping about my "job" and making over-reactive statements about them cleaning up all of their own messes from now on. like that's fair.

so...the only thing i can figure is...

i'm gonna chalk it up to a test of my joy.

if joy is a fruit of the spirit...then i have it. i won't allow all of those little annoyances to be bigger than they are or have power over me.

i will go to bed tonight, thanking God for my beautiful family and all of their messes.

and i will wake up tomorrow...ready for our day together.

because the truth is...

it's a gift.

and it's time i start unwrapping that sucker.

a gift is no good if you don't open it.

right?

and besides that????? the opening ceremonies are tomorrow night!!

olympics 2012, baby!!!