finding joy

may is supposed to be such a happy month...the quickly approaching summer...the evidence of the promises of new life...warm breezes replacing cool evenings...lemonade.  yet life has the ability to present trials without warning or preparation, threatening all joy in it's wake.

the trick when faced with sadness, is not getting stuck in the anger.  with sadness comes grief.  and with grief comes anger.  and with anger comes...doubt.

as i have walked this dark road...there have been times that i felt courted by the enemy.  and to be honest...i spent a good, full day listening to him.  he whispered lies of God's character.  he invited me to dance to the music of false hope.  he offered me fruit of destruction to eat.  he wanted me to believe that anger and a hard heart would make it hurt less.  he taught me to laugh at God and His promises.  and he did it in such a sneaky way.  he disguised it as...normal.  this is a "normal" way to feel.  after all...that God of yours gave you something...only to take it away.

i spoke with a friend for a long time that night...after i had been courted all day.  i told her of my new thoughts about this God that we serve.  and as i was speaking my new thoughts...it was then that i realized that they weren't really MY thoughts...but his.

i've been clutching tight to my friend's words over the last few days:

"don't listen too long, friend."

and i've realized that when i am faced with something i don't want to be faced with...that tends to be my weakness.

i listen too long.  my mind becomes weak...and it starts believing things that are untrue.  it starts believing things that are dangerous.

and although this month of may has me facing sadness...there is also joy.

without sadness in life...would we even know joy?

today...i choose to find joy in...

saint patrick's day green:

my son playing "home" on the ukulele:

my mama dove friend who returned home:

 

the color yellow:

 

innocence:

 

tip-toes:

 

big brown eyes and light blonde hair:

 

twirling:

 

hatching eggs:

expressions:

 

her turning my favorite number:

a husband who loves his family:

 

four generations on mother's day:

 

the fact that she asked for a "skillet" for her birthday:

 

fairy gardens:

 

those four generations making cookies:

 

and obviously...my sweet chase.  even if he is going through a "no pictures please" phase.

 

joy is always around.  but sometimes...you have to be willing to see it.