who invented the word "should" anyway?

i have a somewhat new "beef". and i'm not talking about the kind that comes from cows that i haven't eaten in 16 years. well...except when i was pregnant with colton and had an unfortunate craving for a hotdog. and we are not going to talk about that. i'm still ashamed. anyways...this morning, when i was driving home from taking colton to school, i was thinking about all the things i should do today. it's friday, and chad has fridays off. so, i should probably take advantage of that and do a bunch of housework that doesn't usually get done if i have the kids right up under me all day. i should try to organize the closets or something. i should pack away clothes that the kids have outgrown. i should mop the floors while chad keeps them in the playroom upstairs so that they don't slip and fall on the wet floors. i should go to the school and volunteer in colton's class. i should clean out the car. i should call my friend, whom i haven't talked to in a while and check on her. i should start reading that book...a self-help, non-fiction one (ugh.) that has been on my desk for the last week...instead of having my nose in p.s. i love you every free moment i get. speaking of my desk...i should really clean that off. i should be cooking better meals for dinner. why do i even watch those stupid cooking shows if i'm always going to be too scared to actually try out those recipes. i should not be tired today. i've been going to bed at 9:00. i should be more like the mom down the street and bundle up the kids and take them for a walk to the park. i should be more like the lady next door and get out in the yard and tend to the flowerbeds. i should not get out of sorts when the kids ask me to change the batteries in a toy for the 184th time. i should not be tired of helping them dress in the 18th superhero costume of the day. i should clean out the pantry and find a place for the recycle bin so that we can do a better job recycling. i should be better at sitting down on the floor and playing with the kids...you know...those make believe games that they play that i really don't know how to play...mainly because i am too obbsessed with all the toys laying on the ground instead of being in their spots. i am ashamed to admit how many times i have sat down in the playroom to play with the kids and end up, sneakily picking up toys. i keep pretending to play, but they know the truth. i really just want to clean. i should really be better at that. i should not be letting chase play on the computer as much. i should not be letting colton play playstation as much. i should not be letting aiden watch videos as much. i should be better about having behavior charts for the kids and making them "stick to it". i should have a chore list for each of the kids and spend part of my day teaching them about responsibility. i should be reading my bible more. i should be journaling my prayers...because that way...i won't get so distracted in my thoughts. i should really be better with electronics and figure out how to do all that "stuff" instead of relying on other people to do it for me. i should be able to go to target, and only get groceries instead of the kid's clothing department becoming the bermuda triangle where i have a tendency to get lost in for the whole time i'm supposed to be getting food. this would put an end to chad calling me and asking, "you haven't even started grocery shopping yet???? how can that be????" i should really be more like my friends who have their days scheduled in 30 minute blocks and their kids are never hungry, never bored, always knowing exactly what comes next and what they are supposed to be doing. i should be more like my friend who, without fail, takes her kids to visit her grandmother in the nursing home every week. i can't remember the last time i took the kids to visit my grandad. i should be more like my friend and know more about all the political stuff going on right now. i should know what each of the candidates say they stand for and know who i am behind. i should be able to type this blog with my 2 year old daughter standing behind me in the chair, pulling on my hair and playing with my necklace...half-way strangling me in the process...and not yell at her to "stop it!" i should be over any insecurities from my past by now. i should be a better manager of my time, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister, daughter, niece, and grandaughter. i should be a better christian. a better person. i'm currently reading the Jesus storybook bible to the kids every night...(and don't for 1 second be fooled and think that i have it all together and , WOW, don't i do a great job teaching my kids about Jeses. um. no.)...anyways... in this particular book, every story whispers His name. i'm wondering if all of these thoughts i am having are really being whispered by God, or if i am...in the immortal words of carrie bradshaw..."shoulding" all over myself.

and yes. i love to watch old re-runs of sex and the city. there. i said it.