IOWA

on the road again...

who loves willie nelson?

we left this past friday morning at 4:30 am for the great state of iowa. we drove straight through and got here at 9:30 pm. it made for a long day.

so...i'm bloggin' from iowa. never done that before.

we have had so much going on that i sat down to check my e-mail for the first time tonight. it has been constant motion since we got here.

here are the facts...

on saturday, we had my niece's 5th birthday party, which was a hawaiian luau. aiden was in her element...getting to wear a flower in her hair and a hula skirt, colton enjoyed the competition of the limbo, but chase drew the line at learning how to hula. after the party, we got to hang out the rest of the night with friends. (which was a long-time overdue.)

then sunday, we went to two rivers. this was the church that we helped plant right after we got married. i love going there. then we went to lunch with family. after we got home from that, i played outside with all the kids (my 3 and my 2 nieces). we jumped on the trampoline for a lot of that time and then they wanted to get in the hot tub. i got in with them. that is when i played marco polo in a 6 foot by 6 foot hot tub with 5 kids. i lost.

on monday, we went to adventureland...which is an amusement park right outside of des moines. i learned my lesson last year and stayed off all the spinny rides. as did chad. we rode lots of roller coasters though...which i love. chase rode his very first roller coaster. it was the one that went upside down...twice...at a neck breaking pace. his rationale for this...it was green. colton was none-too-thrilled that he upstaged him. colton wouldn't set foot on it. our last stop at adventureland was kokomo cove, which is the waterpark area. there are like 7 water slides and we immediately lost chase and aubree. it was a beautiful day, but for some reason the water felt like it had been specially shipped in from the alaskan border and was freezing. we drew straws for who was going to go in to find them. i lost. i love water slides. i hate freezing water. then we went for dinner at some friend's house.

on tuesday, we went swimming at my friend's grandparent's pool. it was 3 moms and 8 kids, 7 and under. the older ones wanted to go off the diving board, so i treaded water for what felt like 4 hours to help them get to the side. chase has never gone off the board, and can't swim...but decided he wanted to anyway. in one motion, he climbed up, and ran off the board on top of me before i could even tell him what to do. i went under...under his weight...without being able to take a breath in. it took every bit of strength that i had left to keep him above the water to get him to the side. it is hard to explain, but i couldn't get to the surface and had to use only my legs to keep him above the water and get him to the side. i took in a lot of water and realized that i would have to let him go under so that i could use my arms a little to get us both there because i was sinking under his weight. it was scary. when i finally came up, my friend's eyes were like saucers and she was getting ready to come help me. i was coughing and chase was crying and saying..."that was not my favorite." then, last night we were over at my sister and brother-in-law's for dinner. we all went outside after dinner, where we were jumping on the trampoline again. i have a rule for myself that whenever i get a chance to be on a trampoline, i have to do some flip flops and back flips so that i know i can still do them. after that, davey...my brother-in-law was double bouncing the kids and they had to stay sitting in a tuck position. we decided that he should double bounce me and run under me when i flew up in the air. i told davey that i can't do fronts anymore and he said he would try. he whipped around in the air...landed...and his whole body went right through the trampoline mat. that's right. split the whole thing in half. he was just standing on the ground, with the tramploline mat at his waist. we all laughed. alot. oh well. we moved on to baseball in the back yard and smores around the fire pit.

today, we went to the park with friends and their kids...then to visit chad's grandpa lew. grandpa lew took them for a ride around his property in the trailer behind the tractor. chase loved this. why, you ask? it was green. then we got to go see this big little league park that was just named the lew clarkson park in honor of him. then we went for pizza at chad's dad's house and for hawaiian shaved ice. i got grape. chase and aiden got apple. why???? it's green. colton went to the iowa cubs game with his uncle kyle and chad. they just got home.

phew!!!!!!

tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of our trip to iowa.

at your own risk.

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane...

and am highly nervous. i have not flown by myself in a very long time. chad does it all the time, but not me. i used to, and the closest i've come in the last 10 years is when i flew with colton and chase when chase was a baby. i don't even want to re-live that experience, so i won't. but i will tell you the part of the story where my mother-in-law dropped me off at the airport with 2 babies...one of which had a respiratory virus, 2 carseats, 2 umbrella strollers that were tied together, and a diaper bag. she could not go any farther than the luggage carwash due to rules and regulations...bla...bla...bla...that i think should be waved for moms traveling alone with more than 1 small child. with no questions asked. so, there we were. me and my boys. needless to say, i was in survival mode. colton was too young to walk through the airport at a mere 23 months of age and chase was a tiny baby. i made it to a bagel stand where i bought 1 for me and 1 for colton to snack on once we got on the plane. i stuck them in the top of my drawstring backpack...on top of burp rags, blankets, pappies, extra clothes for them both, comfort toys, etc...for easy access. once i boarded, it would be smooth sailing. i already felt like a 3 ring circus. everywhere i went...people just watched. other moms would offer glances of pity and support, while business men just tried not to make eye contact. all i had to do...was to get down the ramp, get chase and colton out of the strollers, plane side check the carseats, fold up both strollers to plane side check them, while pinning colton against the wall so that he can't run off and holding chase and the diaper bag. i got into the waiting line and made my way to the dreaded end of the ramp. when it was "go" time, i slung the bag over my shoulder in order to get the boys out of the strollers and when i did, the bagels flew out of my bag and onto the floor. there was this obviously annoyed business man behind me who had been clearly irritated by the slow moving strollers and fussiness and was probably in the middle of a prayer that we would not be sitting next to him when the bagels hit the floor near his feet. i...half-squated down with a baby half in my arms...looked back at the bagels and then up at him. he looked at me and said...and i quote... "i would get that for you...but my hands are full." he had a briefcase in one hand and a boarding pass in the other.

that is a true story.

well, tomorrow's trip to south carolina won't involve that i suppose. i am headed out for a girl's weekend with some much-needed relaxation at a lakehouse in clemson with friends. i'm excited. however...as much as i don't want to admit it...i think...tomorrow...when i'm on that plane alone...i won't even no what to do with myself. is it possible to already miss them? i haven't even left yet.

i feel like a kid again

this last weekend and its happenings have made me feel like a kid again. and i must admit... aside from a few sore muscles...it feels great!!

it all started with a purchase of 3 concert tickets to a concert featuring a little band i like to call the "very first loves of my life." that's right. NKOTB!! that's New Kids On The Block for all you losers who didn't know. :) the concert is in october and it will be my 5th New Kids concert. there. i said it. i was a crazy, jumpy, hyper, obsessed, wait in line all night to buy the best tickets i can fan. this time i didn't stand in a line all night to buy the seats. i'm a little more "normal" now. that...and with computers...you don't have to. :) i asked chad to get me backstage passes for my birthday so that i can finally meet joe face to face and declare my, like, bizzillion year love for him, but i don't see it happening. none the less...i feel like i'm 14 again. not to be compared to the much more mature 14 year olds of today. keep in mind that 14 now is the new 21.

then...as if that wasn't enough...on sunday, we got to go wakeboarding. now...i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to wakeboard. we had a boat when i was growing up and we used to ski all the time. then, in graduate school, i learned how to wakeboard and i've never gone back. but...i have not done it in about 10 years. i never lost my love for it though. it just makes it a little difficult when a.) you are either pregnant or nursing for, like 7 years; and b.) you don't have a boat. or a wakeboard for that matter. so...this last birthday, i actually asked for a wakeboard. i didn't get one, due to the fact that the only way i would be able to use it would be to set up the blow-up baby pool in the back yard, strap it to my feet, and have chad and the kids spray the garden hose in my face and dream that i'm on a lake behind a boat. well...as fate would have it, chad and i started a new small group about a month ago and there is a fun, young couple who, not only has a ski boat, but a wakeboard as well. so, there you go. i was so scared that i would not even be able to get up, but i guess it's in my blood, because i popped right up and even managed to go in and out of the wake a little. wooooohooooo!!

i'm just a little sore.

actually, i can't move my arms...but totally worth it.

then, today, i booked my flight for a girls weekend with all my friends in south carolina. i have not been away on vacation for anything like this...well...ever. so...i think i'm due. i leave in a week and a day and get to see my clemson friends that i have not seen in almost 5 years. luckily...i'm great at long-distance relationships. :)

like i said...i feel like a kid again!

the past week

wow. chad was gone in ukraine for a week and a day. he is finally back and brought me a starbucks mug from germany to add to my collection. needless to say he got two big hugs when he walked through the door. the first being a welcome home hug and the second being an "oh my gosh!!!! i have a germany mug" hug. we are glad he's home.

colton and aiden had a nice brother/sister bonding experience lately. she was about 5 steps up the stairs and colton happen to be at the bottom of the stairs. she slipped and fell to the bottom and her brother actually caught her and kept her from falling to the ground. colton yelled for us and aiden was crying...but not because she was hurt but because she was kind of scared and shocked about what had happened. chad and i got to the base of the stairs and asked what had happened. aiden, half crying said, "i hurt myself on the stairs and colton saved my life." we looked at colton and he shrugged and said, "i totally saved her life."

it was very serious to them and very sweet to us. we smiled and said, "WOW colton!! what a great big brother you are. aiden...you are so lucky to have a brave brother like colton." they were so proud.

meanwhile, back at the ranch...

we were watching something on t.v. and i can't remember what. but, i think there was a commercial on or something. all i remember is that colton said, "hey...that's like the wizard of oz." little chaser...always marching to the beat of his own drum and seemingly somewhat confused said, "what???? the wizard of bob's????"

i just looked at chase and smiled and started to tell him it was wizard of OZ but aiden beat me to it and blurted out, "what the heckda?" (that's her version of ...well...you know what.)

then they all started laughing with aiden and wondered where she got the "what the...." line. i guarantee you that chase still thinks there is some wizard named bob out there. just like he still asks to wear his human form no matter how many times i say, "uniform. it's uniform." just yesterday, in fact.

i love these little people that live in my house. i'm always very proud when someone says to me..."they get that from you."

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

You are probably thinking that this post will be all patriotic and stuff...being memorial day and all. Well........sort of.

Chase's class did a unit on the olympics last week. They learned all about the different sports and how all the different countries are represented. They made their own olympic flags and talked about the fact that we are sending atheletes from the USA to compete. This was a great way for the kids to not only learn about the olympics...but also about our country. The flag that Chase made had the olympic rings on it and under them was USA. He was very excited about this and has been waving his flag for the past several days.

The other night, my parents brought dinner over and ate with us. Chase showed them his olympic flag and they were very impressed. My mom asked Chase if he knew what "USA" stood for.

Chase said seriously, "Yes I do."

and then, very patriotically and sincerely stated..."The United States of American Idol."

Happiness Is...

My Starbucks Mug Collection

so far...

1. austin

2. new york

3. houston

4. colorado

5. atlanta

6. chicago

7. seattle

8. alaska

9. new york (holiday 2007 from mine and chad's anniversary trip to new york)

10. athens

11. vienna

Happy Birthday Aiden!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

OUR SWEETPEA IS 3!

happy birthday to you, our sweet aiden annee-grace.

our sweetpea...

our lovebug...

our sugarplum...

our gumdrop...

our baby girl...

you are so beautiful, you take our breath away.

chad out of town...part II

chad's been out of town again. this time...atlanta. some church conference. i got a text from him last night saying that they were getting ready to go to a concert (rumored rascal flatts...but it wasn't) and then to hear jeff foxworthy. i got the text as i was getting the kids dinner made and getting ready to start the bedtime routine. needless to say...i was none-too-thrilled. i guess he didn't learn last time to not tell me about all of these fun things he gets to do while i am taking care of the house, the kids, the trash, the practices, the taking and dropping off, the shopping, etc etc etc, with no one coming home to me at night. anyway...all that's really beside any real point.

i had to coach chase's soccer practice again tonight. this time he didn't seem to mind. i think he has a little more respect for me after the other week. colton had a friend come home from school with him today to play and she was not going to be picked up until 5:30. practice started at 5. i didn't really think through this entirely, but it worked out for anna marie to get picked up at the field. chad told me not to forget the stupid goal that has to be tied up on top of the truck. i didn't forget about it. i just decided that it wasn't happening. the wind was so strong and by the time i got the 4 kids dressed and in the car, i didn't care if they had to outline a goal with their water bottles...i wasn't having to stop in the middle of the road to pick up a soccer goal that blew off with 4 kids peering out the windows. on the way, chase wanted to hear his favorite song of the week and asked me, true to form, if i had my "i pot" (i pod). that made me laugh. then with all the wind, dirt and dust was blowing all around the truck. chase said, "oooohhh look mommy...it's hoggy (foggy)out dare."

practice was going fairly smoothly...until aiden fell on the jungle gym and started screaming and made me hold her on my hip throughout the next bit of practice. about that time, my friend showed up to get anna marie. she needed her backpack out of the car, so i left practice in the hands of 2 other fathers while i went to get it and say goodbye to them. then, when i got back and started the scrimmage, chase was too tired and would only play if i gave him a piggy-back ride. so...there i am, coaching a 4 and 5 year old soccer scrimmage with chase on my back. literally. he did think it was funny when i ran and kicked the ball back into the huddle. i dare say it's the most "into" a game he's ever been.

after practice i was getting the kids in the car and that was when aiden started screaming, "we lost anna marie! we lost anna marie!"

at dinner, chase wanted me to tell stories about when i used to play soccer and colton, not to be outdone, started up with this story about how when he played soccer (he was 3 and hated it) that he was so good that he made 5 goals (he never kicked the ball in a game that i recall) and that after he made a goal, someone kicked him in the shin and he fell down and had to drag himself off the field. i said, "i'm not really remembering that." he said, "that's because it was in 2004 (it was). it was almost 398 days ago. that's why you don't remember." i just laughed and said, "possibly."

at that point, chase said he was still hungry. so, i asked him if he wanted a peanut butter fold over. he said, "what???? a peanut butter forward roll????"

i may or may not go to bed tired and confused tonight. at least i'll have a smile on my face. they are seriously so funny. i think we could be our own reality tv show.

i'm just a girl

chad left this past monday for orlando and gets back tonight. in my opinion the kids have a tendency to "double" while chad is out of town. 1 feels like 2...2 feels like 4...and 3 feels like 6. monday was pretty uneventful. the boys had school and i did laundry. it seems like aiden and i did something...but i honestly can't remember what. tuesday, colton had his first grade field trip. they needed parent volunteers because there is no way that 1 teacher can keep up with 20 first graders on a farm. especially when you times 20 by about 6 for the other classes and then add in another school that was also there. a lot of parents ended up going to help out which was nice. this farm was about an hour away. i did not know this when we started out. only the kids and their teacher were allowed on the bus, so all the moms had to caravan behind the bus in their own cars. the bus made a wrong turn and got lost, so we then had several buses and a long line of cars pulled over on the side of the road for a while and the bus drivers called and got better directions. then, after we all turned around and got back on track, we got stuck at a stopped train. we sat there for about 15 minutes or so until one of the teachers called the police and had them call the rail line to have them move the train. they did and we finally arrived at the farm. i had drank my morning coffee on the way and had to go to the bathroom really bad at this point. the first thing i notice when i get out are the port-a-potties. yuck. anyhow...we went on a hayride where the kid next to me had an allergic reaction to the hay and started snotting and sneezing all over. then, a cow that we were feeding started swooshing his poopie covered tail all over us. all the kids (and me) started screaming and holding their noses. finally, we moved on. next up was the big slide made out of pvc pipes. i had never been on one and colton wanted me to go with him. huuuuh. i climbed the ladder and we made a train with colton and some of his other friends. then we went to this big jumping thing where i, again, unable to tame the inner child within, jumped with all the kids. there was 1 other mom jumping and a teacher...so i didn't feel so ridiculous. it was so hot outside too. after jumping for a while, i realized how out of shape i was and made a mental note to start working out asap. then, we headed over to the butterfly walk where the kids heard a presentation about the life cycle of butterflies. at this point...i was sunburned and sweating and was thinking "catapillar...wings...miracle...blah blah blah...lets go". side note to self...next time, wear shorts. jeans and sweating on a farm don't mix. then we went to the corn maze where they got to play in corn. at this point, i was over the farm experience and sat on a bench under a tree and texted chad. he was, of course in an air conditioned 5 star hotel with friends having lunch catered. this is when a made a mental note that i was too tired to start working out and we should definitely put that off for a couple of months...or 10. finally...we head back to the school.

we had made early dinner plans with one of colton's friends from school and somehow ended up at chuck e cheese. all you have to do is add a few fire pits and...in my opinion...you have hell.

as i was getting the kids out of chuck e cheese and into the car...which was like herding cats...chad texted me that he was at dinner with rick warren...the author of the purpose driven life and one of the most influential pastors in the world right now. i texted back...something like this...

"let me get this straight. i have been out at a farm all day, currently smell like a cow and stale pizza and am now in the middle of herding 3 very hyper children out of chuck e cheese only to get home to have to do the whole bath and bed thing alone...and you are having a nice, quiet dinner with famous people?"

he didn't reply.

wednesday...i had to register colton for baseball, which would have been fine accept chad told me the wrong place, making signing colton up for baseball a "drive all over creation...drag 2 whiny kids around...in and out of car seats umpteen times...end up being late to pick up colton from school couple of hours." it was somewhere in the middle of all this that chad casually texts me that i will have to coach chase's soccer practice that night. (it was at this point that i had an irrational picture in my mind of chad eating an ice cream cone strolling through disney world.) i digress. i played soccer. soccer was my sport. i know soccer. i love soccer. at the beginning of the season, chad had to ask me how you are supposed to kick the ball. (he's not going to appreciate me adding that in there.) this is not going to be a problem. however...i don't know how effective i can be at coaching 11 4 and 5 year olds soccer with aiden on my hip because she's tired of being dragged all over town for her brother's sake. all she wants to do is color in her hello kitty coloring book with mommy. (i'll squeeze that in during bath time. crayons can get wet. right?) i'll make it work. i sit down for 2.8 seconds and then realize that i have to go tie the soccer goal to the top of the suburban for practice. i got that done faster than i thought and proceeded to get the kids in the car to head to practice. aiden is crying because she forgot her purse and whining that she needs her lip gloss; colton is begging for gum and talking incessantly about the baseball sign up and how i didn't do it right as i realize i had forgotten to pack some water for us all and i'm thinking that i just don't have time for the nervous breakdown i deserve. on the way there, chase said..."where's my daddy?" i said, "he's still out of town, baby." then he says, "who's gonna coach my soccer practice?" i said...proudly..."momomy will." to that he said, "nooooooo. i need my daddy to. you can't play soccer. you're just a girl."

count to 10...count to 10...count to 10. make that 20.

i love that kid

most of you know that chase has a speech impairment. he has been in speech therapy since he was 2 years old. our goal for him was for full remediation to take place before kindergarten starts. i am so thankful that we started him in therapy so early. it has made a huge difference. however...along with a speech delay comes some very humorous words. for chase...his brain processes what is being said perfectly but gets tangled coming out of his mouth. it's a disability involving pronunciation. they say that it involves low muscle tone and that it should totally re mediate itself. this is why he is also in occupational therapy. the mouth is not the only muscle that is hard for him to work right. it has affected his fine motor skills as well. for example...it is hard for him to hold a pencil properly, or color, or form letters. his therapists are great and i know he will eventually get it...in his own time...and that's ok. he loves people and i always tell him that makes me more proud of him than anything else. anyhow...in speech...his biggest hang ups are L's and TH's and sometimes V's...depending on where they are placed in the word. for example...he would say, "i want to brush my teef" and "can i use gwu (glue)". his first swim teacher's name was liz and everyday he would say, "hi wiz." anyhow, the other day he said something so funny that i had to tell the masses. (at least the grandparents :) this is not so much a pronunciation problem as it was what he thought the words were. anyhow...he was wanting to put on his baseball uniform and play outside. he was also looking for his baseball glove and batting glove. this is what he came in the room saying...

"i need to put on my human form (uniform). and mommy...i need my glubbs (gloves)"

after he left the room, i looked at chad and chad said, "did he just ask for his human form?"

i said, "yep. he did."

i love that kid.

playdough and horses

i'm not a huge fan of play dough. it makes such a mess. so, it may not be the play dough that i mind...but the mess. however, kids seem to love play dough. we have it. we just don't use it. i always find some reason why we don't need to play with play dough.

over spring break, i decided to make edible play dough. i looked up recipes online and found a ton that were made with peanut butter, honey, and dried milk. chase can't have dairy...so i had chad on it while i was in the kitchen making lunch. he found one that was 2 cups powdered sugar; one cup peanut butter; and 1/2 a cup of honey. i decided to try it and it was amazing. i highly recommend trying it with your kids. (or, if you don't have kids...who doesn't enjoy a day of sculpting with play dough that you can eat?) i let them each pick several cookie cutters to use with it and then made a snowman together. we used chocolate chips for the eyes and a mini carrot for the nose. they actually fought over who ate the nose. i think i've stumbled upon a great way to get them to eat all kinds of veggies. hey kids...it's not just a corn-cob pipe...it's actually corn on the cob.

you know how much kids can talk? a lot. my kids talk a whole lot. all three of them. there is constant chatter. so, it's no surprise that sometimes my ears get tired. towards the end of the day, colton was coloring at the bar. he asked me what he should draw. i said to draw a horse. then, he asked what color it should be, except i was in the middle of doing something and didn't answer him right away. he asked again and i said, rather quickly, "brown. make the horse brown. with a black mane and a black tail." colton looked at me and said, "you're an angry woman." wha????? where did he hear that? did i sound angry? i didn't think i sounded angry. i didn't feel angry. i felt tired...but not angry. i laughed and thought, "no...i'm a tired woman."

it could happen to you

does anyone remember that movie? where the waitress starts talking to her customer and he says that if he wins a million dollars that he will share it with her, and then does...both.

that movie is really beside the point. chad and i did so bad on our march madness, ncaa tournament picks, that we decided to enter another contest on yahoo for just the sweet 16. if you get all the games right, you can win a million dollars. of course, there will be a lot of people who get them all right, so the tie-breaker is if you guess the score at the end of the game right. if there still is a tie, then they go to what you guessed as the half-time score. in the last pool, i took north carolina all the way to the finals, and since i did so bad...i decided to pick them being upset in the first round of the sweet 16. didn't happen. but, i was 5 for 6 until davidson went and won. i had them losing too because they are a 10 seed, i think...and they barely won one of their games to make it into the sweet 16. oh well...now i'm 6 for 8...which is pretty good for a girl who really doesn't know what she's talking about when it comes to these basketball teams. chad knows which ones play the best defense, and which ones play better in tournament situations, etc. etc. etc. but he's not doing any better than me...so neither of us are going to win a million this weekend. so really the title of this blog should be...it didn't happen to us.

i went to go see the musical, the spelling bee last night and it was so good. i went with my mom, and a friend and her mom. we had so much fun. in the lobby, a guy came up to us and asked my friend and i if we would like to be in the musical. they were casting 4 people from the audience to be a part of the spelling bee. now...a few things were going through my head at this point. one, i am a terrible speller. two...i get stage fright. three...you don't get to be a part of a broadway musical everyday. and four...this could be my big chance. i could get discovered and whisked away to new york to start my broadway career. (ok. that last one was just coming from my "dreamer side" of my brain.) i then pretended to step up to the mic and started singing "the sun-il come out, tomorrow..." it was at that point that i may or may not have embarrassed myself. everyone was laughing though. and i prefer to think that they were laughing with me...and not at me. we did decide that we couldn't pass up the opportunity to be in a broadway show...OR humiliate our mothers...so we went to the casting person that the guy directed us to. they were picking 4 people to represent the audience...so probably, 1 child, 1 girl, 1 guy of different ages and so on. so, i knew that we would both not get picked. we got interviewed together though, which was really funny. when the casting lady asked if we had any hobbies, my friend said piano and i said, "spelling. s...p...e...l...l...i...n...g." she asked what i did for a living and i told her i stayed at home with my 3 kids. then she asked where we got our news from, such as cnn, newspaper, etc. i said, "playhouse disney." she thought we were quite funny. however...we didn't get chosen. oh well...i guess it just wasn't my time to get discovered. (we decided that we were too funny and that we would upstage the actors.)

that may...or may not have been our attempt at comforting ourselves.

so...it COULD have happen to me...but it didn't. again.

Ahhhhh........Spring Break.

i love spring break. i loved it then. i love it now.

this week, we took it easy. relaxed. shot the breeze. kicked our shoes off.

a lot of times, one thinks that one should go on vacation or have some big special activity planned for weeks like this. well...there is something to be said for having absolutely no plans. that was us this week. at the start of the week...no plans. on friday, after colton got out of school we took them to blockbuster and let them each pick out 2 movies for the week. colton picked the bee movie, and cars. chase picked buzz lightyear (some spin off from toy story) and didn't want to pick a second one. aiden picked cinderella 2 and strawberry shortcake. but other than that...nothing.

we ended up having a really good week. every friday night, we let the kids have a sibling sleepover. this is where they get to get their sleeping bags out and watch a movie and sleep in the same room. every night, aiden asks, "can i sleep with my boys?" and every night, i tell her, "you have to wait until friday night. on friday night, you can sleep with your boys." i love that she calls her brothers "her boys". so...they were pretty excited that every night could be a sibling sleepover, and they loved waking up every morning on their own. they would play upstairs in the playroom together for hours if i let them. we would eat breakfast around 10 and that meant that i did not have to make breakfast and lunch. i love whoever invented brunch. it had to be a mom who didn't enjoy cooking. the first couple of days we just hung out around the house and enjoyed not having to be anywhere.

wednesday, the kids got to spend the night with my parents and that is always a big deal for them. chad and i got to go to church that night and then go eat afterwards and watch a movie that we had rented.

thursday, chase got a haircut and then we met friends at the park for a picnic and egg hunt. we came home just in time to catch the start of march madness. we love march madness in our house. well...i'm not sure aiden and chase love it. but, the rest of us do. and they play along.

friday, we took them to NASA and they got to see the rockets that are displayed on the grounds. that was really fun for the boys, especially. chase loves anything "apollo 13". even though it is called a saturn v rocket, chase calls it an apollo 13. i think that he finally understood, yesterday, that it was a saturn v and that there were a lot of apollo missions. then, we picked up lunch and brought it home. then, aiden and i went to target and the fabric store to get ribbon to make a bow for her hair to match her easter dress. that afternoon, i took colton and aiden to see horton hears a who. chase didn't want to go, so he stayed home and enjoyed the afternoon with daddy. last night, we ate dinner outside and then they all slept in the boys room.

this morning, chad went to feed the homeless in galveston with some people from our church and the kids and i boiled a dozen eggs to dye here in a little while. they just brought down all their blankets and anywhere chairs. aiden just informed me that they are going to build a "fork". tonight, i have to work at the saturday night easter service.

tomorrow, we will go to church and then head to my parent's house for lunch.

it's been a good week. i love having all my kids home with me. i had a realization this week too. colton is 7 years old...which seems really young. but, these 7 years have passed by so fast. in another 7 years, he will be 14. i can't believe that. our time with them goes by so fast. to think of the time that he leaves for college makes me want to cry my eyes out. it makes me appreciate each day with them more...and realize that it doesn't have to be spring break to make each day special. just waking up with them makes it special. and each moment is a gift from God...to be enjoyed...to be cherished. each snuggle...each game...each story...each bedtime...all little gifts of time. there will be a time when they won't let me snuggle them...or want me to tuck them in. they will tell me to leave them alone. they won't ask for me to come play with them...or come lay by them...or come read to them. so, when they climb in my lap these days...for some comfort after they didn't get their way, or they got their feelings hurt by their sibling, or they are trying to buy time because they don't want to go to bed yet...i will remember that there will be a time when they will no longer fit in my lap. and i'll whisper to them how much i love them while i kiss their heads. and then i'll say, "let me hold you a little longer."

the spelling bee and a cross dressing cat

a few things on my mind. some serious...which will not be talked about tonight, and some not so serious...which will be the topics of the evening.

i'm not sure how i entertained myself before my 3 children. these days, i wake up every morning wondering how they will make me laugh today. and, it usually doesn't take long before it starts. for example...

every monday, colton gets his spelling list for the week. throughout the week he is supposed to write a sentence for each word and then on thursday, i give him a spelling test. this has been an enjoyable thing for us both. he loves coming up with the sentences and i love to pretend like i'm a real teacher when i give him the test. i have total flashbacks to fourth grade. that's when i remember taking spelling tests. my teacher would say the word...then use the word in a sentence...and then say the word again. so...obviously, that's what i do. so last week, one of the words was "shell". after colton went to bed, i looked over colton's sentences. this was his sentence for the word shell.

"we shell play football today."

i found it humerous. i read it to chad and he laughed and said, "even if the word was "shall"...who talks like that anymore?" i think it just shows how well colton knows the Bible!! they are always talking that way. ok. that's probably a stretch.

this week, one of his words was "child". this was his sentence...

"we have one good child."

i didn't even bother to ask him which child he was refering to. speaking of spelling...i'm very excited because my mom and i are going to see the broadway show "the spelling bee" with my friend and her mom. i've heard that this is one of the best shows on broadway. it is coming to houston and i think it is going to be really fun.

a few days ago, i was getting ready to run some errands. my usual routine is to get the kids ready first and then let them play while i get ready. then, i call aiden into the bathroom so that i can do her hair. she loves to come in a little early while i am putting my makeup on. she always says the same thing. "i need my lipgloss." this makes me proud because i am a complete lipgloss junky. i let her put it on herself and she, of course gets it all over her mouth. it's clear...so i don't really have an issue with it. people just think she's really shiny. well, the other day, i turned around and she was putting lipgloss on boo radley. (did i mention that we have boo radley back?) why she was doing this makes sense. but why he was letting her...didn't.

then there was today at target...where aiden loves to go and chase hates to go. in the little girls department, they had little easter purses and hats. they had both white and pink ones. i figured aiden would go crazy over them...due to the fact that she loves purses. i was right. while my attention was elsewhere, i turn around to see aiden turn the corner...sporting the white straw hat while swinging the little, white purse. what i did not expect to see was my sweet little chase...in his soccer uniform...wearing the pink straw hat with the little, pink purse on his arm. shockingly...that wasn't the funniest part. he had the hat down over his eyes. so as aiden was skipped toward me with agility, there was chase...running into the racks of clothes. i was rolling. obviously, he learned this behavior from boo radley. shhhhh. don't tell chad.

aiden's protector

this superhero "phase" is really hanging on. chase dresses up like superman or batman nearly every day. on saturday, he put on the bulky superman costume and then put a sweatsuit over that. you can see his cape hanging out the back in the picture. he then found a plastic pair of those coke bottle glasses that make your eyes look really weird...especially if they only have one of the lenses in them.

(side note-he wore these glasses to church on sunday. that was interesting. we were getting out of the car and he asked me if he could wear them. i said, ok. colton said, "don't wear those chase. people will look at us funny." i told colton that i was glad that chase didn't care what other people thought about what he wore. i said that the only person we have to worry about is God and that i was sure that He wouldn't care if chase wore those glasses." colton just sighed.)

anyhow, he was being clark kent. this went on all morning and through lunch. after lunch, they wanted sweetarts for dessert. aiden got 2 after chad had said she could only have 1. he told her to put the 2nd one back and then something funky happened. she started screaming this high-pitched scream that sounded like she was seriously injured. we thought she had bit her tongue or something. i mean, it was a new scream. one that definitely required stitches or something. oh no...she was just mad. she said that chad had "hurt her feelings". we looked at her with an "are you serious?" look and then he took her into the other room to have a talk with her about how she can't scream like that when she doesn't get her way, etc. etc. etc. i peeked around the corner to see how the little chat was going and saw chase hiding behind a wall watching the scene. it looked like he was talking very softly into his wrist. i listened to what he was saying and this is what i heard: "lois is in trouble. i repeat. lois is in trouble." then out of nowhere, he flew into the room, threw himself in front of aiden and put his hand up in front of chad's face and said, "you stop. this is my friend." then, he whisked her to safety as chad tried to compose himself and i reached for the camera. i think we were just out-smarted by a 5 and 2 year old. colton just rolled his eyes. i actually think he wondered why he had never thought of it.

and the oscar goes to....

with all the disney and animated movies out...it's enough to confuse a person. especially if you are aiden or chase.

currently, the favorite movies to watch in our house are aladdin and beauty and the beast. we not only watch the movies...but listen to both movie soundtracks as well.

as i type, aiden is dressed up in her cinderella costume, complete with heels and all, and chase in the ever popular, being held together by a thread due to being worn constantly for the past 2 years, batman costume. i heard her knock on the door to the room chase...i mean, batman was hiding in. chase said, "whooo iiiiiiiiiiis it?" aiden...i mean cinderella...said, "tinkerbell." i immediately laughed and decided that this was a play i did not want to miss. so i listened closely. then they acted out a scene from aladdin to the music of beauty and the beast. i paused for a moment...took it all in...and decided they both deserved academy awards for their creative screenplay adaptation.

and that's when i decided to get my old soccer and swim trophies out to present them their awards. if only i had a red carpet and paparazzi.

"it's go what day????"

this morning, i piled the kids in the suburban and began the short little drive to take colton to school. colton began freaking out that he forgot to get his rock out of his pocket and that if he didn't bring his rock that they were doing a project with, he would get his clip moved. getting your clip moved is what happens when you get in trouble. in his whole year of kindergarten and his whole year of first grade so far, he has never had his clip moved. he is terrified of having his clip moved. he will do anything to avoid having his clip moved. now, i ask you, how can a kid be sooooo worried about getting in trouble at school yet not give 2 flips about consequences at home? maybe it's the clip. maybe i should start making him move a clip instead of losing playstation. maybe this clip has some magical power that i am unaware of. who knows and i am off subject. suprising.

well...as i'm listening to him fret about his rock and his clip i pull into the school drive. that's when i saw it. a little girl wearing a pink cowgirl hat. and that's when i remembered. today is go texan day. the kids were all dressed up in their western wear to celebrate the start of the rodeo. i LOVE go texan day. i always dressed up from head to toe. it was so fun. and i forgot. i immediately projected my love for go texan day and how i would feel if my mom had forgot (of course she never did...and that stirs a whole other pot of emotions like why i can't seem to be like my mom who would have never forgot to dress me up for go texan day. she had it all together, boy.) i, immediately began brainstorming how i could remedy this little "slip up" so that colton would not be the only one not dressed up. i sheepishly said, "ooooh colton...i forgot...it's go texan day today." now...i thought that he would flip his lid because i forgot and that he would be the only one not dressed up and that he would be all mad and crazy and stuff. but his reply was, "it's go what day?" oh thank you sweet Jesus. he doesn't really care about go texan day. that's when reality hit. even if i had remembered that it was go texan day (i mean it is written neatly on my calendar that seems to be pointless about now) he didn't have anything western that fit him anyays. i would have had to buy him something. and i would have too. because i love it. it's important to me. but, that would have been a total waste of money, because it's not important to him. he didn't care. now, if it had been "go dress like your favorite athelete or superhero day" we would have been in big trouble. but i realized how much i place my favorite things and opinions on my kids. and how i have before, and would have this morning forced him to put on the boots and the hat and he would have been grumbling that he didn't want to and it would have been a struggle and a battle that would have been pointless. if go texan day was required for a grade or an issue of respect or instructed in the Bible by Jesus himself, then that would be different. but it's a choice. and colton's choice. not mine. all this seems really silly...being that i totally forgot about it and it wasn't an issue...but it just got me thinking. and that's always dangerous.

anger uncontrolled.

the past 2 days have been frustrating. for no big reasons that would make anyone mad or frustrated, but for little things that just seem to get under my skin. it has made me wonder if most days are like this for most people and it is just our present state-of-mind that determines how we deal with it...or if sometimes i really do go skipping through my day, swinging my purse, while whistling a happy tune because everything is going swimmingly. i hate frustration. i hate more that moment when your frustration turns to full on anger. when that happens to me, things have a tendancy to go down hill fast. everything then begins to make me angry and i become irrational in thought and usually take my anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it. (not that anyone ever really does.)

yesterday, i went to the mall with my mom, chase and aiden. it is warm enough here to wear flipflops but too early for aiden to wear sandals. last year, i got her a pair of pink crocs...not the real ones, obviously...but a pair for her to wear with jeans, shorts, and sundresses when there was no real need to go through the whole shoes and socks routine. i did this, under protest, because i thought...and still think...that those shoes are the ugliest footwear i have ever layed my eyes on. however, on aiden, i thought they were ok. not the greatest. still love plain, white sandals the best on little girls, but they look kind of funny with jeans, which she is still wearing. so...when i saw the children's imitation crocs on sale, i decided to get her another pair. i took off her shoes and tried some on her. i determined that she needed the 8...in pink please. so, even though the man tried to get me to buy a 9 (and now i know why), i said i wanted the 8. he rang them up, tried to talk me into some of those little charmy things that go in the holes of the shoes...unsuccessfully, and i was on my way. she got them out and put them on and wore them outside, enough to get the bottoms all dirty. when i noticed them on her feet, i thought they looked a little smaller than what the pair that i tried on her did. after she took them off, i looked at the bottoms to check the size and they were 7s. and not only 7s...but two different size 7s. one is clearly smaller than the other and too small for her feet. instant frustration.

i went on a search today to get a new Bible. my old one is about to fall apart and i don't want it to because my parents gave it to me and i love it. so, i went to every bookstore known to man in search of a plain, brown leather Bible. not black. not burgandy. not hunter green. not pink. not a study Bible. not a read in a year one. not a paraphrased one. not one for women, or the Bible for people of the military, or firemen, or golfers. (they really had the Bible for golfers) i don't want two toned or beaded or embelished with celtic crosses or anything else. i want a plain, brown, leather Bible. do you know that they don't sell those? is brown not a very common leather color? you can get brown leather anything. even brown leather Bible covers. but don't even think about trying to find a plain, brown leather Bible. it's not gonna happen. frustration mounting. even while searching for God's word...which is what i needed to be bathing in at this point.

then, i went to hang the pictures that i got framed from new york for our theater room. they had been sitting in the corner for me to do and i finally got around to doing it. when i went to nail them to the wall, i realized that there were no picture hangers on the back of the frames. i hate that. so...i rumaged through my took box and found some make-shift hangers that would work and nailed my finger and stripped my screw driver trying to get those miniscule screws into the frame that hold the hanger in place. frustration thinking about turning to anger.

then, i looked in the mirror and hated my hair. i instantly got mad that i have not taken the time to get my hair cut in months and that it is so straggly at the bottom that it appeared frizzy today. i hate frizzy. then i noticed the mascara that gets under my eyes about half-way through the day due to buying cheap mascara. now, this happens every day and i just wipe it away until i can buy new mascara...but today...that cheap mascara was the point. the boiling point.

cue the irrational thought that it is better to have no make-up on and have my hair in a bun on top of my head than to look at myself for one more second like that. now cue the irrational behavior of frantically washing my face and throwing my pony tail holder when it won't hold my hair the way i want it to. people at church tonight may wonder why i look like i rolled in right out of bed. i don't care. there is satisfaction in taking control of the mascara and hair problem. sort of.

then, i went to find colton a plain white t-shirt to put on after his shower. i opened the dryer, filled with whites, and began digging around. now. i promise you, that if i was not looking for a plain white t-shirt, everything i pulled out of there would be a plain white t-shirt. but since i was looking for just 1 of the 10 plain shite t-shirts in there...all i kept pulling out were socks and chad's underwear. so...naturally...i got mad at chad and his white underwear that was taking up all the dryer space and causing me to not get my t-shirt that i need. cue the angry behavior of throwing clean whites everywhere until i find one.

that was the moment that chad walked in and asked what i was doing. now cue me flying off the handle because my jeans feel tight. what am i really mad at?

The Nine

so, over the course of the last several months i have been making a few changes that will lead to a healthier lifestyle. we have always been a healthy family, but i generally felt like i was always running on empty. i know that personalities are different, but i would look at my friends are are extremely "high energy" and long to be more like them. i longed to have the energy to run around in the backyard playing football or watergun fight or tag. i longed to have the energy to tackle the cleaning of the house all in one day to have that "job completed" satisfaction. i longed to want to go for walks to the park or even the desire to go on outings with the kids. the fact was that i had...somewhere along the line...adopted a introverted/home body personality. at least i thought that was the situatioin. it finally dawned on me that that wasn't it at all. i still wanted to be the energetic/fun loving me that i had always been before and that there was something preventing it. i don't know how it took me so long to realize that i was......TIRED.

THAT'S IT!!!! i'm tired. i have no energy. i never really feel good. for someone who had perfect attendance in high school and could have had the same in college if i had wanted to... :) ...i was sure complaining of not feeling good a lot. i realized i always had a dull headache, or a queesy stomach, or felt like i could not go on any longer without a catnap. i started to think there was something seriously wrong with me. so...after doing a little research (and by little...i mean very little) i decided to make these changes:

1. my bed time was moving up from 11:30 or sometimes midnight to 9:00 sharp.
(i had to move it up in 30 minute intervals to get used to it...it only took 3 nights and i immediately noticed a huge difference) kids would go to bed at 7 sharp.

2. i would not drink any alcohol anymore. we don't drink a lot, but would have a beer or hard cider after we would put the kids down sometimes. i found that i would instantly relax and loved winding down the day with chad over a drink and tv. however...i didn't think it was really helping me to live my best life. now, i only have a glass of red wine every now and then because i truly believe in the combination of the reservatrol and alcohol in protecting against heart disease and dementia (which ended up taking my grandmother's life.) they say to have a small glass a day, but i just don't like it that much.

3. i also started eating a spinach salad for lunch about 3-4 times a week. i would get organic spinach, celery, avacados, raw almonds, tomatos, and the dressing of my choice and make a salad when i made the kid's lunch. they would have 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day.

4. i would drink more water.

5. i would cut our sugar. i would cut the kids sugar.

6. we already switched to mostly organic...so i stuck with that. took chase off dairy for his eczema.

7. i need to excercise. i know this. so i still need to put this one in place.

8. i take my juice plus, air born, vitamin b complex, and fish oil daily. kids take juice plus daily.

9. i started a precepts bible study with my mom and that was making a big difference spiritually. started reading the Jesus storybook bible with the kids daily.

so those are the nine. here is how it has gone:

1. november-the entire family had a terrible respiratory virus (not chad) that lasted 6 weeks. literally. it was a bad chesty cough and congestion. 6 weeks i tell you.

2. mid december-a stomach virus hit all 3 kids.

3. a week and a half before christmas-aiden got a double ear infection as a result of the respiratory virus. the doctor said to watch out for pneumonia.

4. a week before christmas and the day of colton's class christmas party that i was in charge of and chad's family arrived from iowa-chase rushed to the er. pneumonia.

5. end of january-para-influenza (whatever that is) hit colton and aiden and then i got it a few days later as chad left for cuba. fever and severe body aches. it was lovely. chase never caught it.

6. feburary-colton has wet chesty cough again.

7. a week ago-i begin to feel a sore throat. only on the left side. tell myself it is not really there and only a figment of my imagination. possibly sympathy pains for colton and his cough.

8. a few days after that-the gland in the left side of my neck swells and gets extremely tender to the touch. can see it from the outside. still ignoring it. feeling like death warmed over at this point.

9. 3.5 nighs ago-aiden throws up in her bed.

10. friday-i wake up and realize that something is definitly wrong. go to the doctor and they look in my throat. say there are puss pockets (nice) all over that tonsil and want to test for mono. great. fantastic. ends up being strep and put me on steroids and a z pack.

11. last night-aiden says her neck hurts while pointing at her throat.

i'm thinking that my idea is not quite going according to plan. what about you?

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

houston...we have a problem.

it seems that i have decided, unconscienciously of course...where most of my big decisions are made, to start losing things. i used to be so super organized. everything had its place. i never had to wonder where something was or fumble around looking for it. even chad's stuff was under control. he would sometimes wake me up in the morning to ask me if i knew where his wallet was. or his keys. or is sunglasses. or the checkbook. just the other day, he called me to ask if i knew where his palm pilot was. you get the drift. i always knew where the kids stuff was too. they would come yelling, "mooooommmmm. where is the batman costume? where are my socks? where is the leapster? where's the incredibles dvd? where did i put my shoes?" and i ALWAYS new the answer. you get the drift again. well...it seems that this organized part of my brain that we speak of has left the premises. i have lost my brand new fossil watch. i have lost my one of my favorite t-shirts. i have lost my phone charger. i have lost aiden's little pearl ring that she got for christmas. i have lost her pearl bracelet from granna. i have lost her silver bracelet with her name engraved on it that she got from chad and i for christmas. (technically...she lost the pearl bracelet. but i am responsible for the other 2 things being misplaced.) i have lost my sunglasses. i have lost my real glasses. i have lost my wooden spoons from the kitchen. and now...i have lost my keys. i ask again. what is wrong with me?

well...at least she obeys

the other day, aiden said that she had to go potty. she still really hasn't decided if she wants to go in her big girl potty or continue to use the old faithful diaper. sometimes she thinks she's ready and then at other times, she is positive she's not. well, this particular day...she thought she was ready. she announced...rather determined...that she had to go potty. this may be a good time to say that i think she is more attracted to the lolly pop that she knows she will get if she actually "goes" in the potty than she is the thought of being "dry" and more comfortable in big girl underwear. i don't think she really gives two flips if she is wearing and uncomfortable diaper or her new, cool, super fantastic big girl tinkerbell underwear. anyhow...so when she tells me she wants to sit on her potty, i say, "ok. fabulous!!" she has this little habit of sitting on it for a second, and then getting up and running around the house until i tell her to come sit back down. i sat her on the potty and sat with her for a bit. i told her that i was gonna go check on chase and that she was to stay on her potty. she was not to get up and run around the house. and that she better still be sitting on that potty when i got back. this is where i found her. good grief. at least she obeyed. i think she's going to be the "survivor" of the family. at 2 years old, she's already outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting me.

who invented the word "should" anyway?

i have a somewhat new "beef". and i'm not talking about the kind that comes from cows that i haven't eaten in 16 years. well...except when i was pregnant with colton and had an unfortunate craving for a hotdog. and we are not going to talk about that. i'm still ashamed. anyways...this morning, when i was driving home from taking colton to school, i was thinking about all the things i should do today. it's friday, and chad has fridays off. so, i should probably take advantage of that and do a bunch of housework that doesn't usually get done if i have the kids right up under me all day. i should try to organize the closets or something. i should pack away clothes that the kids have outgrown. i should mop the floors while chad keeps them in the playroom upstairs so that they don't slip and fall on the wet floors. i should go to the school and volunteer in colton's class. i should clean out the car. i should call my friend, whom i haven't talked to in a while and check on her. i should start reading that book...a self-help, non-fiction one (ugh.) that has been on my desk for the last week...instead of having my nose in p.s. i love you every free moment i get. speaking of my desk...i should really clean that off. i should be cooking better meals for dinner. why do i even watch those stupid cooking shows if i'm always going to be too scared to actually try out those recipes. i should not be tired today. i've been going to bed at 9:00. i should be more like the mom down the street and bundle up the kids and take them for a walk to the park. i should be more like the lady next door and get out in the yard and tend to the flowerbeds. i should not get out of sorts when the kids ask me to change the batteries in a toy for the 184th time. i should not be tired of helping them dress in the 18th superhero costume of the day. i should clean out the pantry and find a place for the recycle bin so that we can do a better job recycling. i should be better at sitting down on the floor and playing with the kids...you know...those make believe games that they play that i really don't know how to play...mainly because i am too obbsessed with all the toys laying on the ground instead of being in their spots. i am ashamed to admit how many times i have sat down in the playroom to play with the kids and end up, sneakily picking up toys. i keep pretending to play, but they know the truth. i really just want to clean. i should really be better at that. i should not be letting chase play on the computer as much. i should not be letting colton play playstation as much. i should not be letting aiden watch videos as much. i should be better about having behavior charts for the kids and making them "stick to it". i should have a chore list for each of the kids and spend part of my day teaching them about responsibility. i should be reading my bible more. i should be journaling my prayers...because that way...i won't get so distracted in my thoughts. i should really be better with electronics and figure out how to do all that "stuff" instead of relying on other people to do it for me. i should be able to go to target, and only get groceries instead of the kid's clothing department becoming the bermuda triangle where i have a tendency to get lost in for the whole time i'm supposed to be getting food. this would put an end to chad calling me and asking, "you haven't even started grocery shopping yet???? how can that be????" i should really be more like my friends who have their days scheduled in 30 minute blocks and their kids are never hungry, never bored, always knowing exactly what comes next and what they are supposed to be doing. i should be more like my friend who, without fail, takes her kids to visit her grandmother in the nursing home every week. i can't remember the last time i took the kids to visit my grandad. i should be more like my friend and know more about all the political stuff going on right now. i should know what each of the candidates say they stand for and know who i am behind. i should be able to type this blog with my 2 year old daughter standing behind me in the chair, pulling on my hair and playing with my necklace...half-way strangling me in the process...and not yell at her to "stop it!" i should be over any insecurities from my past by now. i should be a better manager of my time, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister, daughter, niece, and grandaughter. i should be a better christian. a better person. i'm currently reading the Jesus storybook bible to the kids every night...(and don't for 1 second be fooled and think that i have it all together and , WOW, don't i do a great job teaching my kids about Jeses. um. no.)...anyways... in this particular book, every story whispers His name. i'm wondering if all of these thoughts i am having are really being whispered by God, or if i am...in the immortal words of carrie bradshaw..."shoulding" all over myself.

and yes. i love to watch old re-runs of sex and the city. there. i said it.

a momentary lapse in judgement

o.k. so i forgot for a split second why i don't have pets. when i was little, i begged and begged for a puppy. my dad said no, no, and no. finally, when i was 7 and my brother was 4, he caved. we got schotzie. i had her until i was a freshman in college and we had to have her put to sleep because she was in heart failure. i won't go in to those details because it involves me, on the ground in the parking lot of the vet clinic, crying hysterically and seemingly at the end of my rope. after i moved away to college, my brother got a cocker puppy named fozzy bear. he had her for years and she went to college with him and experienced all his little escapades first hand. once, she jumped out of the back of his truck and broke her leg along with sustaining several other serious injuries. she finally had to be put to sleep because of old age. then, i got atticus (a cocker puppy) and my brother got snaggle (a pit bull). atticus moved with me from place to place and was there for my marriage to chad and my graduate school graduation and the birth of my first born and my pregnancy with chase. he died suddenly when i was in texas and my friend called and told chad and he called and told me. this was terribly difficult. i was in shock and didn't get to say goodbye. that was it. i told myself no more pets. ever. i'm still not over losing him. well, my brother's sweet snaggle who has moved to and from austin, san marcos, houston, and finally to alaska died last monday morning. she had tumors that eventually took her lilfe. kevin had her for 11 years and she had been by his side for all of his adult life. it was extremely difficult for him. i think in a past blog, i have mentioned the 2 mommy cats that 2 friends of mine and i rescued from this run down farm. they each had 4 kittens. we kept one of the mommy cats and her 4 kittens for a good while. keri decided to keep the mommy and scout...one of her kittens. we also decided that she should keep boo radley...one of the kittens from the other litter. she may or may not be questioning why she listens to me about now. i loved boo radley. the kids loved boo radley. keri...does not love boo radley. keri loves my children...and could not tell them no. he is black and white and so cute. aiden and i asked if boo radley could come over for a visit about a week and a half ago. he was only supposed to stay the day. but the day turned into 2...turned into 4...and so on. the kids were sharing responsibility for him and we were all trying to convince chad that boo radley should be for keeps. chad was actually thinking about it. until...friday. we took him to his first vet appointment on friday morning for him to get his shots, etc. colton was at school, chase stayed home with chad in case his allergy to dogs acted up at the vet clinic, and aiden came with me and boo radley. the vet informs us that boo radley has worms. o.k. not uncommon for kittens. we just need to have him de-wormed...right? wrong. these worms are on the CDC list. does anyone know what that means? IT MEANS THEY ARE TRANSFERABLE TO HUMANS. alright. no problem. we will treat him and it's not like the kids have been dealing with the litter. i have. and i wash my hands more than a nurse. so we should be o.k. then, the sweet little vet tells me that he also has a parasite. one that he got from his mother through sharing litter, evidently. giardia. contracted by drinking contaminated water. causes extreme diarrhea. also tranferable to humans. um...excuse me? are you telling me that this sweet, harmless, little boo radley kitten may have not only given us a weird worm rash, but giardia as well? that is what he was telling me. well, not exactly. it would be unlikely that we would have picked up anything due to my ocd and obsessive cleanliness. (can we all thank Jesus for obsessive-compulsive disorder?) he was more telling me how to treat and handle the kitten while he is getting his parasite medicine and all healed up. i'll tell you how i'm gonna handle it. in my oppinion, he was really missing keri's apartment and the animal kingdom over there. he actually told me that he wanted to go back to live there. so...he did.

PLAYGROUND PHILOSOPHIES

having a school aged boy has taught me some things. one, of which is that any guy...no matter their age...when asked how their day was, will answer, "fine." i used this tactic all last year while colton attended kindergarten. i always got the same generic answer. "fine". everything was always..."fine". i would ask about what he was learning; how his relationships at school were; who he was eating lunch with; and how he felt about the things that had happened that day. it was like pulling teeth...that weren't even loose. so, this year...i had a lightbulb moment that has changed our painful, generic afterschool conversations into ones that tell me everything i need to know about my oldest son and his school experiences. i started thinking...i already know what he is learning because the work comes home in his folder. i already know that he is a terrific reader because i know that he is in a special reading group for the students who are above grade level. i know what he is learning in math because i see him counting money and telling time and telling chase about subtraction. i see the story problems and the way the teacher is teaching them to make charts to figure them out. science experiments come home and we have so many art projects that we may have to buy a bigger house so that we can have an extra room for art projects alone. i hear him talking about martin luther king and can see that he no longer calls his black friends "brown". i have figured out that i can find out everything i need to know about colton's day at school and most importantly, how he treats his friends, who he is spending his time with, and how he feels about himself with just one question...

..."what happened on the playground today?"

post holiday blues

i think we all have the post holiday blues. it has been hard to get back into the swing of things...including writing on a regular basis. i could not believe that my last post was before christmas and about my big television debut. speaking of, chad gave me an "oscar" for christmas. it was presented in front of our families for best supporting actress in a holiday special. it looks like a real oscar trophy and everything. i was sooooooo excited!! finally...my ship has come in! another favorite gift of the season was the wii that my parents got for the boys. oh my gosh!! everyone loves that thing. i think that i had to kick chad and my brothers in law off several times so the little ones could play. it was on all day for the first few days. colton thought he had a promising future as a professional bowler until we took him and all his cousins bowling for real and tested their newly developed skills. colton and his competetive personality was none too thrilled with actual bowling. he got so mad that we had to pull the "never quit" speech out of the parenting handbook repituar. i have no idea if i spelled repituar right, and to be quite honest...i don't care. then, surprising everyone, chad's family got together and gave us a "theater" room. we turned what used to be the office upstairs into a home theater and we love it. they got us a big flat screen that hangs on the wall and a dvd player with surround sound. davey hooked it all up for us while he was here because, lets face it, if he didn't...it would still be in the box. not that chad's not handy. ummmm...what he lacks in "do it yourself home repairs technique" he makes up for in style. and the ability to do complex math problems in his head. it really comes in handy. it does. really. so...my oscar sits on a shelf in the theater...displayed proudly. and we are really enjoying our theater. we love it. the kids are coming down off of christmas too and are having the occational squabble. well...maybe i down play their sibling rivalry a bit. this week, chase came to me and told me to call santa and tell him to put colton on the naughty list. i'm not recalling exactly what colton's offence was. today, they were playing football in the yard and colton decided that tripping chase was an acceptable form of tackling. aiden screams like she's being tortured if colton even attempts to touch her toys. colton has lost wii and playstation 8 out of the 11 days of the year. chase has lost computer privilages too many times to count. and aiden has sat in time out more than her little mind can comprehend. i think she's beginning to feel at home there. well, that's about all i got for now. hopefully, the next time i write, i can spread a little more cheer.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

alright. i didn't tell this story to many people...due to the fact that i didn't want to look like an idiot. but...it's safe to tell! some of you may not be interested in this at all, but those of you who know me well and know my life-long dream of being "discovered" may appreciate this.


it's kind of a long story...so i'll be brief and leave out the details. (so out of character for me. :)

before leaving for new york, i joked many times about getting discovered while i was there. childhood dreams die hard, right? one night when chad and i were there, we happened upon the reveal of the macy's christmas window display. now, i had no idea what a big deal this was. i had heard of the window display but didn't know how "famous" they were. we went to macy's around 4:00 and the big program thing where they reveal the windows was to start at 5:30. they were having one of the main actresses from dream girls singing and the little girl who plays jane banks in mary poppins on broadway was acting in the little skit. willard scott was reading twas the night before christmas and santa claus himself even showed up. they interviewed the guy who created the window displays, who turns out to be a pretty big deal in new york, i guess. they blocked off broadway and the crowd thickened quickly. chad and i sat in the bleachers that were set up across the street enjoying the cold night air and caramel apple ciders. we thought we had lucked out and had one of the best seats there. they led the whole crowd in christmas carols...which excited me because i was actually getting to sing on broadway!! chad took a picture to prove it. well...skip to the end, where chad and i are trying to make our way through the crowd with snow-like confetti falling all around and lots and lots of twinkly lights. i had seen a lot of cameras and assumed it was the news stations getting shots for the late news, when all of a sudden, a felt someone tap my shoulder. i turned around to see a camera man next to a guy with a big long fuzzy microphone on a long pole. he said, "you've been requested." then...the next minute was a blur. they pushed me into the artist who designed the window displays and said, just talk to him about the displays." so i did. i had to then fill out a waver to give them permission to use the footage if they needed it and said it was for the holiday window display special on HGtv. i figured there was no way that i would get on national tv, but thought it was pretty cool anyway. chad and i tuned in to the special the other night, and with about 3 minutes left in the 1 hour special...there i am. smack dab on the t.v. screen. we couldn't believe it. my mouth dropped open and chad literally jumped off the couch and did a little victory dance. it was quite cute. my parents had it on and my mom was so proud. afterall, it is her favorite t.v. station on earth. it airs again on sunday, the 23rd at 4:00 and on christmas day at 10:00am. who would have thought...

...turns out i actually got discovered. even if it was by HGtv. :) have you ever thought about the little things God makes happen? the things that are just especially to make you smile?

The Pockets of Little Boys

Tonight I learned a very important lesson...

ALWAY CHECK A LITTLE BOY'S POCKETS BEFORE DOING LAUNDRY!

I have seen the cute, old-fashion depiction of a little boy in overalls, with dirt smudges on his face, a slingshot hanging out of one pocket and a frog in the other. However...I thought those times had passed. With Sony Play Stations and Wiis and videos and computer games, it seems we've lost the innocent and magical games of childhood that called upon the use of a boy's imagination as opposed to their parent's money. no longer can an old, tattered football compete with Madden NFL for the play station or a stick be magically transformed into a gun...which saddens me. Fantacy football has taken the place of guys getting together at the local highschool field to play a game of touch. I wonder if these guys still have the same "brother-like" relationships as they used to. I know I'm not a boy and I may not have validity enough to speak about these boyish things. But as I did my own little boy's laundry tonight, my mind wandered to these places. This past weekend, Chad went and purchased rocks to line our flowerbeds and a huge mound of mulch to put in them. The kids had a blast "helping". They dug and hid "treasures" and climbed and rolled in the huge pile of dirt in our driveway. Chase had the smudges on his face that i spoke of earlier and for some reason they made me happy. The boys were taking a break from technology and were playing things that required imagination...and were loving it. Well, as I transfered the washed, wet, dark load into the dryer tonight, I started noticing a lot of...what looked like dirt...falling from the clothes. It just kept coming. I could not figure out where it was coming from, but it had filled the washing machine and was filling the dryer before I realized what had happened. Chase had decided to fill ALL his pockets with mulch. It was all over the laundry room, all in the clothes, and all in the washer and dryer. Now, I know I've been accused of being neurotically clean...but seriously. I just washed dirt.

everybody hurts

7th grade was probably the worst year of my life. i had grown tall in a time where tall was not "in". i was skinny and lanky...waif-like...when skinny, lanky and waif-like was not considered beautiful. my arms were long and my legs were longer before the clothing industry came up with the idea that every girl's body type was, indeed, not the same. the guess jeans with the zipper at the ankle was all i ever wanted...thinking they would make me cool...only to find out that the guess jeans with the zipper at the ankles would be about 3 inches too short for me. i would wear them anyways because i thought they were better (in my mind) than the knock-off palmettos that had the same triangle on the back pocket. i was proud of my jeans...don't get me wrong...but they didn't make me shorter. and they didn't make the cute boys look at me more. and they didn't make the popular girls want to be any more my friend. misguided, i was. my mom had a rule. i could wish for the popular things...the guess overalls, the liz claiborne purse, the jeans with the real guess triangle on the pocket...but she would never buy them for me right away. even though we had the money, i had to wait. i had to wait until christmas, or my birthday, or for another reason that warranted buying them. she knew then, what i know now...that "so i would be accepted" was not a reason she wanted to promote. what she also knew, that i know now, is that it wouldn't work. several moments in time stand out vividly in my mind from 7th grade, as if they were yesterday. one, when the most popular boy in my grade, whom i had had a crush on all year, came up to me in the hallway. my excitement was so off the charts that i'm sure it was seen on my face and heard in my voice. had he finally seen me? he must have noticed my jeans! only to have him ask me to tell my best friend, catherine that he liked her and to find out if she returned his feelings. obviously she would. second, when my stomach would start hurting so bad and i would feel so sick that i would go to the nurse and she would have to call my mom to come get me. i would lay on the couch the rest of the day, wondering what was wrong with me and my mom would have a worried look in her eye and a loving touch in her hand. then my stomach would start hurting upon time to leave for school...to the point of tears...and she took me to the doctor. she knew i wasn't lying. the doctor said it was stress. that something was going on in my life to promote the physical response and that this was the way my little body and mind were handling it. my mom wondered what, on earth, i had to be stressed about. see...this was before "stress" in children became better understood. and third, when i was accused of something that i didn't do by a popular girl and everyone believed her. i was at my locker and kids were saying mean things to me and hurling insult after insult until they felt i had had enough and believed the things they were saying. little did they know...i already believed the things they were saying. i didn't need their help to feel bad about myself. i didn't even stand up for myself. i guess i felt like i wasn't worth it. nor would anyone listen to me anyways. i was never gonna be who i wanted to be...even though, at the time, i didn't even know who that was.

fast forward through high school, college, and grad school where i finally hit my stride and had enough accalades to bury the deep hurt and memories from 7th grade deep down inside. fast forward through tall and skinny becoming what girls want to look like and the clothing industry making clothes geared toward our body type and the short people having to hem them to fit. you'd think that would make up for those bad memories. just so you know...it doesn't. i've learned to be okay with my weight and celebrate my height...but the demons are still there. as an adult, my clothing is not attacked anymore, but my character has been. not often...but it has happened. and those memories and feelings that i had when i was in 7th grade come flooding to the surface. i'm still not good enough. i'm still not accepted. i still need to change who i am to fit the mold that will make me worth it. i still want someone to understand...to know exactly how i feel...to comfort me...to know me.

last night i was sitting in the darkness of my living room, dealing with hurt feelings...where the only light came from the twinkly lights of the christmas tree and garland on the fireplace. i could barely see the nativity scene on my mantle and the baby Jesus being held by his mommy. i thought about him as a baby, and a boy, and a man. i thought about how other kids may have made fun of him and then i started thinking about how he was ridiculed and mocked as a man. i thought about how he had human emotions and how he must have felt. if i felt hurt by being misunderstood, how must have he felt...when the whole world misunderstood him? it wasn't just the kids in the 7th grade...it was most everybody. he knew he was the Christ. a King. the great I AM. God in the flesh. the savior of the mockers. the one who came for us. He knew what He was here to do for us...

and He hurt.

just like i hurt.

He knows me...

and i was comforted.

I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK, NEW YORK...

Probably my favorite picture: Times Square

We celebrated our 8th anniversary on top of the Empire State Building with the Manhatten skyline behind us

It actually snowed for us while we were up there...Chad tried to capture the snowflakes on my hat and scarf. It was quite cold!!

We went skating in Rockefeller Center...this is what I was most excited about doing. I have to say...Chad is no Apollo Anton Ohno. He actually tried to take me down with him! Imagine...

And me...I liked to twirl on the ice like I did when I was a little girl.

If I can't see my name in lights...Chase's will do!! :)

Time's Square