gratitude

i have not really thought about the new year, resolutions...changes i want to make...etc. etc. etc.  but i have decided that this blog is going to be a tangible way that i can be grateful.  i'm hoping that being diligent in recording my simple gratitudes will transform my heart...that has been battling an ever present and somewhat debilitating negativity that has silently taken root and exponentially flourished over the course of my adult life.  i am nothing like i was as a child, or young adult.  i used to be carefree, happy-go-lucky, happy, filled with life, celebratory, smiling, laughing, "bull in a china closet" (as termed by my dad), non-regretting, positive girl.  i will not go into great detailed length about how my heart feels now, but i will say that i am a far cry from that girl.  at least it feels like i am a far cry from her.  although, i'm holding out hope that she is not too far buried in there and that a little disciplined graciousness will cause the clouds to part in my heart.  so here goes...

I'M GRATEFUL FOR...

#1  a close family

#2  unconditional love (even when i doubt it)

#3  long-distance friendships that remain strong

#4  aiden softly singing "you are my sunshine" to grandpa at his viewing

#5  grandpa's hat

#6  the cabin feel

#7  warm socks

#8  grace

#9  bass pro shop

#10  deer

#11  cold

#12  getting christmas put away

#13  monogrammed sleeping bags for girls

#14  the baby napping

#15  breaking down while reading my tribute to grandpa in front of a crowd

#16  knowing my husband had my back

#17  chase's non-concern about what people would think if he got up and came and hugged me for comfort

#18  aiden's tear drops rolling down her cheeks at her great-grandpa's funeral

#19  answering her desperate question about where grandpa is going as they closed the lid over his body

#20  her offering me her snot covered kleenex and telling me of the "big booger she just got out" through her tears

#21  taps at a graveside

#22  jimmy stewart

#23  grandpa's martin guitar in the hands of my dad

#24  grandpa's hand-written music binders

#25  an antique chifferobe

#26  re-arranged funiture

#27  atticus finch

#28  i'll fly away

#29  sunday fedoras

#30  lanerns

#31  military salutes

#32  brothers

#33  kids sensing when you need space and when you need a hug

#34  good timing

#35  hope

#36  offering and accepting forgiveness

#37  grandpa's tapes of him playing and singing

#38  southern gospel

#39  abandoning facebook

#40  fearing not

#41  family showing of the nativity story

#42  aiden's questions about becomming a Jesus follower

#43  overcoming fear

#44  my oldest son's support when chad couldn't be there

#45  breathing treatments

#46  medicine

#47  hallmark movies

#48  Honey not worrying about catching bronchiolitis from her grandbaby

#49  God's protection of the elderly

#50  gratitude through a storm

50 is a good start, don't you think?  i think my heart feels sorta glad.  i'm not sure.  i just had to stop and try to feel it.  it's kind of a foreign feeling.  i probably shouldn't admit that.