where i've been

as some of you know, and some of you don't...depending on who is still reading this little blog...my dear, sweet grandpa died december 26th at 9:36 pm.  he was surrounded by my dad, my aunt debbie, my mom, my uncle steve, myself, my brother kevin, and my cousins christin and michael as he took his last breath.  we had been with him all day and i am confident that he knew we were there...although he had not opened his eyes or spoken to us since our own, private christmas eve/communion service in his room on christmas eve night.  yes, we knew it was coming.  yes, it was expected.  (those are the first questions people tend to ask.)  however...no one was prepared for those last moments with him.  nor were we prepared for the hole that we feel now.  it is in the shape of grandpa, and certainly no one, but Jesus... the one, true comforter can fill it. i now know that you can "expect" something, but still not be "ready" for it. when you watch death come upon someone, you get a sense of how wrong it is.  it wasn't supposed to be that way.  it wasn't what God originally intended.  it just feels........all wrong.  however, as grandpa drew his last breath, with dad whispering assurance and adoration to him, a tear dropped from his closed left eye.  i have no doubt that he was seeing Jesus, my grandmother, and his other son who were already there...waiting for him.  i guess, eventually, that will offer some comfort.

this last week was spent planning the funeral and it could not have been more special.  chad did the service.  i had the honor of writing his obituary and speaking at the funeral (i will post that later.)  we had a tape of him playing the guitar and singing "back home again" transferred to a cd and played it during the service. his prized guitar was displayed with his hand written music of the song framed next to it, and the service ended with "i'll fly away"...which was one of my most requested songs for him to play and sing for me.  at the graveside, we were met by two military officers who saluted him, played taps, and folded the flag and presented it to my dad on behalf of the president of the united states of america.

i have cried a lot over the last week.

tonight will be one week since grandpa left us...and i'm hoping the sadness will loosen it's grip a bit.

thanks so much to those of you who have offered thoughts and messages of comfort.  i didn't really reply to texts, but it was good to know that you guys were there...especially chad's sweet family.