Monday, July 02, 2007

from here on out...a tighter ship

i'm aware it's been a while. there's not much i can do about that. it is what it is. i've been tired. worn down. completely apathetic. nonchalant. that's o.k. right? i guess it has to be.

since my last post, chad's grandmother passed away, and we have driven across the country (to iowa) and back, which has proven to have thrown me for more of a loop than usual. it is always hard for me to transition...which has only been exacerbated since having 3 small children. whatever that means...i don't know. but currently i am drowning my sorrows to a particularly dark pearl jam song while attempting to be of some interest to this screen.

we just had to call a family meeting. i think......yes, i think that is a first. colton and chase have been at each others throats; aiden is 2 (self-explanatory); chad and i are both tired, worn down, and generally lacking any drive what so ever. the attentive, energetic, and playful mom that i once was has been replaced by one who desperately needed a break. i always heard of the moms who had breakdowns and ended up shuffling the halls in her bathrobe while muttering softly over and over again, "i forgot to take the dog out. wait a minute...i don't have a dog." all the while her children are throwing pieces of their uneaten grilled cheese at her...seeing who can make one ricochet off her face the farthest. yep. that feels about right. anyhow, at our family meeting we talked about respect, love, kindness, appreciation for what we have, and obedience. all general stuff...yet such life affecters. i sought forgiveness for not being as "present" as they were accustomed to...and explained how i had been long over due for a break...and how from now on, i was going to take one when needed instead of letting it all build up. no grilled cheeses in my face please. chad brought down the hammer and all that jazz. we are developing a summer schedule for everyday in an attempt to curb boardom and lessen squabbling. bedtime is back to 7:30. meals are no longer whenever they start whinning. i've learned that by that's too late. no more toys everywhere. i'm turning this disney cruise that we seem to be on into a tighter ship.

well, i guess i'm done for now. pearl jam has lulled me into a somewhat dreamlike stuper and the natives (whom i still love more than life) could be getting restless. well, at least chad's in there with them...although asleep on the playroom floor. i'm fully expecting him to wake up with a marker mural all over his body. who knows? i've turned up the music to block it all out. could that be part of the problem?


Anonymous said...

Hang in there can do eeeeet! And I for one am a big fan of the Clarkson ship...and glad that I'm in Australia.

I really would have loved to see chad drop the hammer. Was it a tack hammer??

Love you guys,

Jennefer said...

Hey girl! Good to see a new blog from you - and that even in the midst of a tough time you can find the humor in it. :) I love that about you. Hang in there because "this too shall pass" I am just starting to come out of my funk - but it keeps trying to creep back in at times! Let's take a break together soon.

Shannon said...

My kids have been watching the disney channel all summer...non-stop. but i am worn down and tired, myself. i am feeling your pain, Mindy. i want to echo what Z says all the time now - "mine". but i want to say it about my own is MINE. whew. gotta go, i am pretty weary, but i don't think they should watch Hannah Montana all day long!

lindsey said...

sorry to hear about chad's grandma. it always seems to come crashing down at once, doesn't it? and we all lost our minds at times and need a family meeting. i am sure you taught them about giving and receiving and sharing and loving so that they can give and receive and share and love. and in that giving and receiving and sharing and loving, your whole family can give and receive and share and love. :)

call me if you need to vent.

mindy clarkson said...

look at all the support. wow. you all really know how to make a girl feel loved.

amanda said...

I can completely relate! I feel like I am just coming out of that state from earlier this summer. I am learning that even Jesus retreated to be by himself, so I should follow his example and give myself a break to refuel without feeling guilty. Once again, this job of motherhood is the hardest thing (and best) that I have ever experienced. You are a great mom and one that I look up too and respect. Now, go give yourself a break! :) I love ya and miss you!