Thursday, September 30, 2010


joshua "chase" clarkson...
when you were born, i felt your quiet and gentle spirit whisper to my soul.  i said, "he is going to be special.  i can feel his gentleness."  people didn't think i could know you this way when you were only a day old.  but i knew.

when you were 20 minutes old, i noticed one of my very favorite things about your face...your dimples.  i said, "ah!!!  he has dimples!!  i love them!"

you were always quick to smile and show them to me.  they always made me happy.  they still do.  i will always seek "permission to kiss the dimples."
with just a look, i know you.  i know just how you feel, and i feel it too.
you make me smile.
you make me feel important...and welcome...and loved.
and you make me want to play...and learn...and see things in a new and different way.
you make me appreciate life...and love.

you are a boy who is pleasing to you somehow know what He has done for a way that kid's don't usually understand.  you serve with a happy heart.  you put other's before yourself.  you love people, and make them feel special.
i can feel your quiet and gentle spirit whisper to my soul.  you are special.  i can feel your gentleness.  people didn't think that i could know you this way when you were only a day old...

but i knew.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

my date with a servant

chase has a servant's heart. he is always the one who quietly serves without expecting anything in return...surely a rare find in grown men these days, much less little ones. the other day, we were at an adult friend's birthday party. everyone had gone through the food line inside and had found various seating on the large, back porch and had started eating. i had annslee in my arms and a plate of food for her in my hand as i walked out to the packed porch. i have to admit that there were grown men sitting comfortably in chairs, already eating dinner and kids scattered around digging into their hotdogs. as i walked through the door to the porch, i quickly surveyed the seating and knew i would have to find another place to sit and feed annslee. and not allowing one more second to pass, chase...with his servant's heart grabbed his plate, stood up and said, "here can sit here." you can imagine the grown men's faces as they saw an example of godliness in this little boy. my heart leaped with pride and gratitude. we made a very big deal of chase and his servant's heart and he got to pick from the treasure box when we got home.

yesterday, when they came in from school, chase was sitting at the table eating his snack. he looked at me and said, "mommy? do you want to lay down on the couch and rest while i rub your back? i replied, "oh chase...that would be wonderful!" he said, "that would fill up your bucket. we all have a bucket and when people do nice fills it up." i'm not sure where he got this...but i pray that there are people in his life, scattered strategically throughout his day who fill his bucket today. i also pray that i can learn from chase's expample and serve with a happy heart.

Monday, September 13, 2010


good grief. i just had to have a "session" with myself. you know when you leave a certain situation and think "why couldn't i have just sat in the background and kept my big, fat mouth shut?" you re-live the whole scenario and go over what you said and how others responded to you over and over again until you are positive that everyone left and went straight home to tell their husbands what a complete lunatic you are and vow to never invite you to another get together for the love of all things peaceful? (i'm not even sure if that was a question or a statement!!) i'm confused about punctuation. i guess that's the moral of the story. i'm confused. i don't do "confused" well. and somehow the conversation made it's way to some of the things i am most confused about and lets just say that "blabble" puts it politely. i felt myself saying, "shut up, shut up, shut up." but it was too late. once the blabble starts, it's very hard to stop.

the truth is, i've never been able to be anything other than myself. i say what i think. i feel what i feel. and i wear my emotions on my sleeve. that translates into the people i am with generally knowing a little (or in this case, alot) of the real me. and that is very scary sometimes. i used to feel pretty secure in my own skin. but lately, i have battled insecurity about myself and what people think of me like i haven't in a long, long time. and i hate insecure. it goes against everything i stand for and want my kids to stand for. so tonight, we have a combination of a battle with insecurity rearing it's ugly head and very genuine and honest blabble about my heart and what is on it and people i have not seen ot talked to in a while, as well as someone I JUST MET, who probably didn't really need to hear anything other than "things have been fine. (smile politely)"

in the hour or so since this experience, i have allowed myself to concoct a menagerie of thoughts that these people must have of me and my matters of the heart as well as tell myself that they want nothing to do with me or my blabble at this point. insecurity and blabble is not such a good combination. i guess there are two morals of the story.

Thursday, September 09, 2010


this morning, chad had to leave early for work. the kids are used to him being around for breakfast. so when he wasn't milling around the kitchen, drinking his orange juice this morning, chase asked:

chase: "where's daddy?"

me: "he has already left."

chase: "oh. he already left to go play poker?"

it was 7:40 in the morning. let's hope not.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

clearly we are a hat family

what do you do when you can't decide which picture you like better? i usually post both. for the top picture, i love being able to see chase's beautiful eyes and colt looks somewhat "happy" in spite of my insisting on getting a "hat" picture on our way to the baordwalk. however, i like the spacing and zoom of the bottom picture better. ahhh...the obsessive tendencies of the perfectionistic photographer.

and chad was meeting us there, so he was unable to appear in the "hat" picture. although, i would like to point out that he was, in fact wearing one.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


"when i grow up, i want to be a frog...and live outside in the backyard. and when you come outside, i'll say, "pssssst. down here. don't step on me.""

~chase (7 yrs.)

"EWWWWW...undies! i'm not gonna fold anything boyish...because they have had BUTT in them. BOY BUTT!!"

~aiden; while helping me fold laundry (5 yrs.)

"i am not going to over serve myself dr. pepper in the late afternoon anymore. it makes it hard to go to sleep."

~me; while typing this blog when i should be in bed asleep (present day)