Due to the graphic nature of this post, there will be no pictures.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Okay, so that might be a taaaaad over dramatic...but if I did take pictures to accompany this story...you would all have permission to call the Department of Social Services on me.
This story is about Colton. The kid didn't start talking until he was turning 2. I was starting to get a little worried. Him being my first...I didn't know anything about anything. All I knew is what the "norm" was and all I knew how to do was compare him to the very few other toddlers we knew. So, when he was not busting out 25 words by 18 months or stringing 2-3 words together by 22 months...I did that silent-mommy-panic thing where you start worrying that your child is going to be kicked out of pre-school for not being able to do simple multiplication. And then you turn your house into Silvan Learning Center for language.
Well...let's just say, I didn't need to worry about Colt. And I have since stopped worrying about all of those "norms" and comparisons associated with when my kid did this and when your kid did that. We moms can be so paranoid, competitive, and ridiculous...as if our own worth as a human being is wrapped up in when our kid puts two words together. Let's face it...I all but glued Annslee's knees to the floor to keep her from crawling and becoming mobile. Number 4 needed to just stay put on her nice, little palate...where she couldn't get her sweet self into trouble. But...I digress.
Colton has been a witty one from the beginning. He always picks up on sarcasm and can throw out a zinger faster than lightning. We started calling his one-liners "Coltonisms" when he was about 3. It's been a while since I have posted a Coltonism.
My boys have no problem walking through the house buck necked...as we like to call it in the South. I don't really know what this is about...other than being a boy. This is certainly not a learned behavior. So, I was not entirely surprised when Colt came out into the living room in his birthday suit, after his shower the other night, to see what was happening with the game on TV. He had heard Chad cheer...so clearly he reasoned that he didn't have time to get dressed when an important play had just taken place. But then he just kept watching. I was like, "Colt!!! Go get your pajamas on!!!" He hem-hawed around...not wanting to miss any part of the game and talking to Chad like nothing was inappropriate about the given situation. I kept quietly saying..."Go get dressed" in between plays and sports talk while wondering if this was what a locker room was like. Finally I piped up, "Colton!!!!!! Go get dressed!!!!"
He didn't miss a beat and flatly replied...
"In some cultures...I am dressed."
And really........How does one reply to that?