Friday, August 31, 2012

week one and a baby

so, i found a website...
...and it had me rolling.
mainly because i have experienced some major pinterest fails that are just as humerus.
i just love it when i am staring at the computer screen and laughing so loud that the kids ask what i'm laughing at.
that doesn't happen that often.
the first week of school has gone ok.  i'm not going to use the word "great" because i really don't trust people who say everything is "great" all the time.
i use "great" sparingly.
aiden and chase have done well.  however, when i woke chase up on 2 out of the 4 days...he said he wasn't going.  this morning, i picked him out a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt to wear...which he has worn a bazillion times...and he said,
and i quote...
"why do i have to wear those stupid clothes?"
i think we are all just really tired.
home school has gone better than i expected...which leads me to ask myself,
"what am i doing wrong?"
it's really easy.  colton is responding well.  and we have plenty of time during the day.
so i must be doing something wrong.
i am still waiting for the logic curriculum to arrive, and we haven't formally started writing...
but still.
we even took a break from 6th grade on our first real school day at home to help out raggedy ann find her clothes. 

this is quite possibly my very favorite doll dress that we own.  there is something about a pinafore that calls to me.  and one made of white eyelet...well...forget about it.  it's pretty much the bee's knees.

she's dancing with a rag doll, people.  just when i thought the experience couldn't get any better...
she started dancing.

and he started playing too.

the scene really couldn't get any better.

it's these moments that make motherhood feel like a breath of fresh air.

my kid is learning.

and he is enjoying it.

and isn't that the point?
i'll take it.
what is my relationship to my 1st cousin's baby?  is she my 2nd cousin?? she my kid's 2nd cousin?  i don't even know...
but...none-the-less, here she is.
i went to the hospital to see her last night and was intantly taken back to when i had annslee there almost 3 years ago.
i all but grabbed her out of her father's hands and held her almost the whole time.  my mother nearly had to pry her away from me in order to get to hold her.  she's a real dumplin.

i got to practice my bounce-sway thing that i have perfected over the years...
and swaddle like i hadn't missed a beat.
once you know how to never forget.
it's like riding a bike.

congratulatioins you two.  here's a piece of advice:

don't blink.

you blink...
and they're in pre-school, or 2nd grade, or 4th grade, or jr. high...
and you have no idea how it happened.

Monday, August 27, 2012

growing up fast

this morning, i set my alarm for a little bit earlier than usual...braided hair a little bit tighter...poured a little more cereal in their bowls...pressed her skirt so that it would lay just right...and lingered a little longer over their lunches.
this morning was a little different.  i only had 2 to get ready for elementary school instead of 3.  aiden would no longer have both of her brothers looking out for her.  chase was taking over sole, big brother duties at bauerschag elementary school.

and he was ready.  the first thing he said to me this morning was,
"i'm really growing, mom."
yes you are, baby.

while i was braiding aiden's hair...there was a minute where neither of us were talking.  i was braiding with a little more care and she was standing a little more still than usual.
she broke the silence with a quiet,
"i love you, mom."
i love you more, baby.

when i dreamed of having a daughter...i dreamed of long braids tied with ribbons, gathered skirts with knee socks, and red buckle shoes.
these children have full filled so many of my dreams.  some that i knew long braids tied with ribbons...and some that were silently nestled deep down in my soul...

like black, rimmed glasses...dressing them in their first sports uniforms...homeschooling in 6th grade...watching them learn how to ride a horse...or fish...or read...listening to them play together when they don't know you are listening...reading their writing...and listening to their thoughts at bedtime.

and most of all...
watching and feeling their bond;
with each other...
and with us.

motherhood is an emotional way of life.
it's more than a job.  it's more than a hobby.

and it might not be politically correct to say...
and i'm probably setting back the feminist movement 20 years...
but it has become who i am.

it has changed me.
and i'm ok with that.

i didn't know selfless love before.
i didn't know sacrifice.

i couldn't say that i would lay my life down for someone else.

but these kids of mine?  i would die for them.

i would stop everything i'm doing and instead of using my freedom that sending them to school brings...i would keep one of them at home and spend my days teaching him myself...
because i know that it is what is best for him...individually.
and i know this about him because of how much i love him.

in 27 minutes...he and i will walk 5 yards to our home school room together...
and we will start a journey.
it may last 1 year...or it may last 7.
but i can't wait to spend our days together again...just like we did when he was a toddler.  only i will be replacing bubbles and blocks with reading and conversation.
he and i have great conversations.  and i am so happy to get to have them with him all day long about so many different things.
and this one???  well...she's along for the ride...
and doing growing of her own.

firsts are happening all over the place these days.
like his first football game.

i better not blink anymore...
because...he was right when he said it:
"i am really growing, mom."

Saturday, August 25, 2012

friendship at it's best

relationships are an art form.  i've decided.
somehow...over the last 8 years in texas...the majority of my close friends have lived out of state...which is weird, since i grew up here.  that kinda puts a kink in the party, if you ask me. the years apart from each other go on...we grow closer.
there is nothing that shows you who your real friends are more than being slapped on bed rest during a pregnancy.  when it comes to social interaction with the outside are at the mercy of who will come and see you all reclined back in your lazy boy, laying on your left side (or right?  it's crazy that i can't remember!) to try and keep the contractions at bay.  i could only get up to go to the bathroom.  so...that pretty much took "meeting a friend for lunch" out of the equation.
the first time this happened to parents, my grandmother, and my aunt stepped in to the rescue without batting an eye...coming to take care of my little boys and clean my house and make our food.  chad's mom and my sister-in-laws came into town from iowa and went school shopping for the boys.  and my best friend ami, from iowa (and that is how i always refer to her), called me up and said, "hold tight.  i'm coming."
you know you have a keeper when she will leave her own family, hop on a plane, and fly to your side for a week without even being asked. she sat by me on the couch and we laughed and talked until chase woke up from his nap...and then she would walk upstairs and get him because i couldn't. she stepped in to be mama for the boys. she cooked food. she was my girl.
i remember care packages arriving from south carolina, filled with twizzlers and a friends dvd box set to help me pass the time. you know me so well, lindsey robertson mart.
and dea...well she brought her pregnant self from the bring me my favorite schlotzkie's sandwich and took up residence in the second recliner for the day.  i like to think that our unborn daughters started their friendship that day.
i do long distance friendships well.
but when you spend all day, every day with your pint sized besties...

...doing things like lodge room, fort building facilitating...

...and bubble referee...

...a girl just needs a tangible friend.
so...needless to say that my aspiring friendships of the last year have been a life-line of sorts.
i can walk across the street with an empty mason jar; knock on the door; and when she opens it...i silently hold up the cup...knowing she will know just how to fill it.

and she did.  without me having to say a word.

and last night, after my soccer game...i went out to eat with my team, like always...and surber (there you go christina!!) ordered for me:
"she wants an order of flour tortillas, a small order of charro beans, an order of rice, and an order of guacamole.  only make sure that the guacamole doesn't come on shredded lettuce."
i looked across the table at my teammate that i had met only last spring and smiled.  because it was a beautiful picture of friendship.  she knew me.  like...she really knew me.  these people have become my friends.  if i needed one of them...i think they would be there.  i really think that they would.
and if someone talked trash about me or tried to hurt me...
they will have my back.
and not just on the soccer field.
my girls???  well...they know how to fill my cup, alright.
and that is an amazing feeling.
the last official week of summer was spent getting prepared...
prepared for a change of the tide...
the change of the season.
our home school room is pretty much ready for us.


let's go fall.
bring me a tide i can surf.