Wednesday, April 24, 2013

wrong again

sibling love and support and celebration is a happiness that surpasses most anything else.  it never ceases to bring laughter and swelling pride.

in soccer...scoring 3 goals in a game is called a "hat trick."

it is not easily done...and is a right of passage, of sorts, for a soccer player.

my girl did it.

unfortunately...her big brother didn't get to come to the game to see her.  however, his reaction upon hearing the news was the best big brother reaction i think i've ever seen.

this relationship of theirs...

it grows every day.  and it's beautiful...and raw...and real...and kind.

it's love.

her little sister followed suit.

when i stood on the side-lines of the soccer field, watching my girl play and make things happen...i felt a pride and excitement that i didn't think could be matched by any other moments that day.

and then we came home.

and i had been wrong.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

she makes me brave.

i finally lit a candle, turned some music on, and sat down to write.  i miss writing.  i need writing.  it's how i re-charge...see the little things...find the magic.  it's how i learn and grow.  it's how i want my kids to see their mother.  it's how i sort things out.  it's how i see things.  it's how my voice is heard.

it's relaxing...

it's healing...

it's good.

and we begin to slowly wrap this school year in brown paper and tie it up with a piece of we do all good school years...i wish to write more.  and if i'm wishing for things...i'll go ahead and wish to be less tired.  and to maybe add that 5th child to the family.  wait...what?  somewhere out there...chad just gasped and passed slap out.  it was a wish.  you can't sensor a wish.  you can't hold back.  dream big...right??

i know what you're thinking.  

"5th child?  less tired??  the two don't go together."

but that's what's so great about wishes.  they don't have to be logical.


i went to the dermatologist this morning.  and i'll explain in a moment why it was good that i had made this appointment a couple of months if the good Lord knew that something was gonna happen to send me into a tale spin of dermatological obsession.

it's never fun stripping down to your mis-matched undergarments.  i's possible i was wearing a nursing bra from the early 2000's.  you probably didn't need to know that...but i've always appreciated the details of a story.

soooo...after you have had the privilege of stripping down to next to nothin'...someone with perfect skin gets to detail...all of your flaws.  and i have a lot of em.

i was blessed with the light blue eyes/blonde hair curse.

bad skin.

not necessarily wrinkles...

but freckles.

so anyhow...after we had checked and double checked and triple checked...and had the hot, male intern come in to look at some "questionables"...i couldn't get dressed fast enough.

and that's all it takes, apparently, to put you right back in your place.  and to let you know that...without a doubt...whatever self confidence and security in yourself and your body you have grown into over the years had nothin' on a trip to the dermatologist.


on friday, i had the pleasure of going with a dear friend to take her 4 year old daughter to her chemo appointment at texas children's hospital.

this...this is a beautiful child.

this is a child i have prayed for...and had others pray for.

this is a child who is making a difference in this world.

and this is a child who will continue to make a difference with every smile and laugh and wise word spoken.

she makes me happy.

she makes me brave.  just being around her...she changes me.  i dig deep and find the courage that she shows me is there.  she is truthful.  she is wise.  she is full of life.  she is true beauty and goodness.  she is Jesus' strength and power and love.  she is real...and she is extraordinary.  she is what i long to be.

well...her mama was sick this particular day.  she was sick as can be.  she was the kind of sick that i have been afraid of since i was 12.  she was sick to her stomach.  and she was throwing up.  all. day. long.

she would hold herself together long enough to hold her baby down to be poked and prodded and never lose patience with the nurses who were doing it or the child who was demanding her strength that she didn't have.  and then she would calmly walk to the bathroom and wretch.  she had no nutrients or fluid in her body.  she had no fuel to sustain her.  yet she kept going.  she kept comforting.  and she kept singing lullabies.  and she kept whispering how much she loved her sweet girl.  and she kept playing.  and getting snacks for her girl.  and she kept having her sweet baby take sips of water....even though she was the one who was dehydrated and weak and thirsty.  she kept telling the doctors and nurses thank you.  she kept focusing on everyone but herself.  and when it came to pass that her baby was going to need a blood transfusion...keeping us tethered to the hospital well into the evening...she kept worrying about me.  me.

she worried about my home, safety with my friend and neighbor.  she worried i would miss my soccer game.  she worried about me.

i couldn't believe what i was witnessing.  it was a kind of selflessness that i wasn't used to.  it was Jesus.  again.  it was love.  it was an example of how on the cross...when he had every right to be totally focused on his own cup...his own pain...his own circumstances...he shouted out to the Father to forgive me...that i didn't know what i was doing.  he loved me.

i don't think i will ever forget last friday.  it was a gift to be there with these two people.  whatever i did to help them that day doesn't compare to what they did for me.

God...bless them.  bless them both.  i beg.  they are here to serve you.  they are here to show people your love.  they do it well, Lord.  bless them for it.

 you may be wondering what the dermatologist has to do with that story. fate would have it...

while my friend was in the bathroom, throwing up for the bazillion time...a nurse walked up as i held that sweet girl in my lap and simply asked,

"are you her grandma?"

commence skin care regimen.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


i figure this is as good a way as any to put off cleaning the kitchen.  maybe i'll type another tomorrow to put off that laundry that needs to be done.

annslee had her very first trip to the zoo on monday.  it was a preschool field trip of sorts.  i worked it out so that most of my preschool co op class could all go together...and i think everyone really had fun.  i'm gonna be real honest.  i'm not really a "zoo" kinda girl.  don't get me wrong...i like animals and everything.  but...they don't even have horses there.  and this is a fact that really bothered flicka as well.  the day before we went...i asked her,

"so annslee???  are you excited to go to the zoo tomorrow?"

annslee:  "no."

me:  "but there will be animals there!!  that will be so exciting!!"

annslee (a little more excited):  "oh...ok."

me:  "what animal are you most excited about seeing?"

annslee:  "the horses!!!!"

should have thought that one through.  so i told her that the zoo didn't actually haaaaaave horses...but that they did have a koala!  and that's super cool since i call you my little koala sometimes!

"yes!  i'm excited to see the koala!" she giggled.

guess which zoo got rid of their koala?

it's ok.  she took rock star barbie with her and proceeded to sing taylor swift's weEEEEEE are never ever ever getting back together through the entire giraffe, hippo, and primate habitat while holding rock star barbie's microphone to her mouth.

"hey...rock star barbie...look at that thing that they are trying to tell me is a striped horse."

"have you met rock start barbie?"

we did stumble upon some white tailed deer.  i found it interesting that no one else was excited about this.  they just passed right on by...barely even glancing their way.  there were no children who were standing by the railing to their pen.  there were no mom's taking their picture. i heard someone even say,

"oh...that's just a white tailed deer."

like no big thing.

and i wanted to jump up and down and excitedly scream,


i sort of did do that.  but there was no one around to hear me except annslee.

and my girl was excited.

and just as i'm typing this...aiden walked up beside me and asked what these pictures were from.  i said, "the zoo."  and she exclaimed, "YOU SAW A DEER!!!!"

that's my girl.

i can only imagine "WHERE IS ROCK STAR BARBIE????" when i look at this picture.

i've sorta been thinking about why i'm not really a zoo person...and i don't really have an answer.

i do know...that if you took me to a horse ranch...

where white tailed deer come out in the evening...

i would be hard pressed to contain my enchantment.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

tearing up over moments

there have been more teary moments lately than usual.  i'm not sure of the problem.  or even if there is one.  sometimes...letting loose of emotion is a good thing.

tearing up over these moments:

my mom always sets out a bunny village for the easter season.  and i loooooved this thing.  and they do too.

mom gave the girls bunny aprons to help with some easter treats.

so....maybe i still love playing with this thing.

there are bunny tails on these aprons, for cryin out loud!  who wouldn't be happy looking at those things?

as luck would have it...colt pulled that pesky molar out the day before easter.  so...obviously, the easter bunny and the tooth fairy met up that night.

they partied.

beautiful people.  beautiful moments.