Wednesday, May 23, 2007


so. i hate snakes. i hate them alot. they make me squeemish. i could really do without them. do you get how much i despise snakes?

well, chad has been in colorado for a couple of days. he got home late last night. anyways, tuesdays are trash days...and since he was out of town...i had to take the trash down to the curb. i hate trash duties too. but, that's neither here nor there. i went out to the garage to get the trash can to walk it down. as soon as i opened the man door, i noticed, what looked like a tail of some sort. it was a brick reddish color. i immediately thought snake for some reason. i froze at first, but then decided that it was not the right color for a snake. so, i bent down to get a closer look. i was not sure. it could be a snake, or it could be...well...i really don't know what else it could have been. i was just in denial. so, i stood there for a minute and then decided that the trash looked great just where it was. i went inside and called chad in denver. he was in a meeting and texted me back that he couldn't talk. so, i texted him..."SNAKE IN THE GARAGE." he texted back, "how big?" like that matters. i went back out to look again. i could only see a little of the body, and the tail. colton and i were bent down looking at it...wedged between the garage slab and wood side panels. i asked colton what he thought it was. we were not sure. then...IT MOVED! i freaked at that point. then, i went and got the neighbor, and he came over with a flash light and looked at it for me. he said that he thought it was poisonous. GREAT. then he told me to go get a coat hanger. i did and was none too thrilled about what was going to happen. he tried to get it out, but it was gone. in hiding, if you will. so, i did not set foot outside again yesterday and was prepared to live a life without ever setting foot outside the house again. i had everything i needed within the 4 walls of my house anyways. i liked it in here. so, this morning...chad went outside to start taking everything out of the garage to see if he could find it. i said, you are never gonna find it and i am never going out there again. he was not out there 30 seconds before he came in to tell me he found it. it was outside the garage...down in a crack between the garage and the pavement. so, he told me to take colton to school and that he would get it. THANK YOU SWEET JESUS. my man was there. here he came to save the day. no more snake to worry about. i did not ever have to see it again. i wash my hands of the whole situation. sweet relief. i did not have to see him chop it to bits. i did not have to see it wiggle. bye bye snake. so i told colton to come get in the van. i stepped in the grass between the house and the van and tuned around to make sure colton was coming. (he was not as eager to miss the snake masacre). he reluctantly followed me, and the rest of the story is somewhat of a blur. all i know is that colton yelled..."MOM! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! WATCH OUT!" in what seems like one hurried motion, i looked at where he was pointing; looked down; saw another snake right next to my flip flop wearing foot; and nearly passed out. chad, who over-heard the whole exchange, was at my side in 2 seconds flat; pulling me behind him; and hoed it to death while i watched with mouth opened wide. "my eyes. my eyes." hero.

now, i'm sure that there is a mama who has set up house in our garage...probably in the kid's ball bin...and her millions of babies are crawling all over our yard and making their way into our house.

who thinks i'll sleep well tonight?


Sue said...

Totally agree with your feeling about snakes...but I will have to tell you, your writing is so entertaining. thanks. see you soon. Sue

Anonymous said...

Well that settles it. I'm not freaking coming to a house infested with snakes!! No Way!

mindy clarkson said...

have no fear rick. you're hero, chad, will be here!!

Shannon said... worries. I am sure chad and mindy will give their guests the safest bedroom and portion of the house. I don't snore, Stuart does a little, how 'bout you? (the kids can fend for themselves!)

Anonymous said...

Okay, my theory is get a cat. Cats keep snakes away---or is it cats keep mice away? Anyway, snakes eat mice, and cats keep mice away; therefore, snakes won't like cats and will stay away.
Call the snake control to come check your place out.
Voice of Wisdom????

mindy clarkson said...

o.k. seriously. if you know me at know that i hate cats almost...almost as much as i hate snakes. no cat. no cat, i say.

lindsey said...

just remember-
red and yellow kills a fellow, but red and black venom lack.