this afternoon...my oldest son left for church camp. we have had such a busy week...preparing for 14 gillion valentine's parties this week that it sorta snuck up on me.
around noon...i read over the list of things he needed to pack. soooooo....maybe i'm a procrastinator.
it wasn't until then that i realized i was nervous about this whole deal. and i questioned why? am i nervous about him going alone? not really. am i nervous about the bus ride? that's not quite it either. am i nervous about what is happening at camp? no.
so...then what?
oh yeah...he's old enough to do this without me needing to be nervous. that's what this anxious/excited/a little bit sad feeling is about.
i love the relationship of brothers. don't get me wrong. it's amazing.
but...
there is something...
unspoken...
...that i can't really put into words...
about watching an older brother with his sisters.
that relationship never fails to cause me to do a small gasp...and cause my blink to stay closed a little longer...and a half smile to sweep across my face while i marvel at this gift i've been entrusted with.
****
as we were pulling last minute things together...like flashlights and sleeping bags...i thought about a note. i had to hide a note in his bag...just like i used to hide in his lunch kit when he was little.
and as i was writing...i thought...
"i need to leave a sticky note in his sack lunch too. just so he knows how much we love him while he's on the bus. i mean...he won't get this card until he unzips his bag."
i headed to the kitchen...and that's when i saw his sister...ripping a stick-it-note off it's pad and dropping it into his sack.
sister had my back.
and that was sufficient.
and after he pulled away...there we were.
and i had visions of a teenager and a 9 year old sister...waving bye to their college bound brother.
and then i was thankful.
that i have them.
and that this time...
it's only for a weekend.
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