Sunday, February 03, 2013

pocahontas and confessions about hair.

well...the USWNT started training camp this morning.  and i'm eating donuts.

why this bothers me remains to be figured.


this weekend feels like it started friday morning, for some reason.  that was when little aiden was transformed into little pocahontas.  and since this is my form of a photo're gonna just have to bear with me.  is that the right "bear?"  i don't even know.  i's not like i'm a grammar teacher.  oh...wait... :/

like i said before...colt was jimmy carter for the living history museum in second grade.  he wasn't super thrilled to do it...but didn't really act like it bothered him.  and then chase was harry houdini...and i don't know if i told the story here or not...but that child was in acting heaven that morning.  he absolutely loved transforming himself and showing the world the "magic" of harry houdini.  he even brought a budapest coffee mug for people to throw their spare change into after he gave his performance.  i didn't realize he was doing this, of course...until some, poor, unsuspecting parent had to empty their wallets of dollar bills because they didn't have change.  it ranks up there with one of my finer parenting moments.

well...sister had a different opinion on this whole thing.

she told her teacher that she had come up with an acceptable plan to remedy her not-wanting-to-give-the-speech ordeal.  "i'm going to make an "out of order" sign and put it on myself"...she reasoned.

then when that didn't fly...we reasoned together that if i kept taking pictures of her and she kept saying her speech to me and annslee that no one would else would come along and press her button.  i rolled with this because i'm always a good accomplice in getting out of stuff you don't want to do.  i could have a degree in that subject.

except when one of our favorite teachers rolls in.

then you just have to suck it up and give the speech.

and grandparents.  you have to do it for them.  but they're a very forgiving audience.  they're your biggest fan before you even do anything.

after this big event...we went straight to the next one.  cuz that's the way we do things 'round here.

little miss flicka got her very first hair cut.

look at me...suggesting that there is actually enough hair to cut chin length.

she insisted on sitting on my lap...which was fine with me...since we had mr. rooter, himself, offer to take pictures for me.  i'm not gonna lie.  i wanted to clean my camera after he touched it.  hopefully he was there for a hair cut and not to fix the plumbing.

here she sits...with all her rewards.

they tell me that if i keep trimming will thicken up and grow faster.  who knows if this is true.  all i know is that my heart breaks for her every time she tells me that she wants hair like "a-a's" (aiden's).  she knows that all of the other 3 years olds in her pre-school class have long, thick hair.  she has heard me correct total strangers when they tell me stupid things like...

" unique that you cut her hair in a little pixie cut!"

looking back...i should have just owned it...and taught her to own saying...

"yeah...thanks!  we're cool like that."

i'm gonna be real here...cuz i think it's important.  over the last several months...her lack of hair has started bothering me.  i've found myself noticing all the other 3 year old girl's hair and comparing it to her thin, wispy baby hair...that won't hold big bows or barrettes of any kind.  i've done one of the worst things i could do as a mom...

i've wished that her hair was different.

i've wished that it was something it wasn't.

and i've felt guilty.

it's bothered me whenever she isn't in a dress or something pink and people automatically think she's a boy.

i pull her into my bathroom every morning and comb the little bits of hair that i can muster together and tie them with the world's smallest rubber band so that a bow will stay in it.

and i've felt guilty.

and then...the other day...when i was wondering if she was ever going to have hair that doesn't break off into thin wisps once it grows past her heart broke because i saw how vain i was being.  and how ungrateful i was being.

and i felt guilty.

see...i have a mama friend who's 3 year old daughter lost every bit of her long, thick, brown hair when cancer and chemo took over her tiny body.  as i type my story here...tears are flooding my eyes because of how stupid i've been.  i glance over at my tiny girl...with her thin, wispy, baby hair barely tickling her neck...and i feel...


and i realize how unfair life really is.

not because MY girl doesn't have more hair...

but because of why HER girl has none.

i will turn every second of thoughts about MY girl's lack of hair into minutes of prayer for HER girl to be rid of the reason that she lost hers.

please forgive me, Lord...for my vanity and selfishness...and please...i beg make HER girl well...and give her a long and healthy life...and some really slammin' hair.

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