Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Broken Dreams

There are times in life that I feel like a spoiled brat. I wonder, does God look at me and listen to me and wonder, "Do you have any idea of the REAL things that I am dealing with child?" All I have to do is remember the vivid memories of Ukraine, read a little on the need for clean water all over the world, sit in a casual meeting while discussing sex trafficking in Houston, or just watch the world news to gain a little perspective on my life and the gratitude that I SHOULD have. I say "should" because that's when the whole "I am such a spoiled little brat" thought creeps in. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about dissatisfaction and have come to some conclusions. It is not a bad thing to feel a since of dissatisfaction. If we never felt those feelings, then we would not be pushed to change. Sometimes, as a Christian in America, I am confused as to how to handle my dissatisfaction...which I am referring to from now on as...broken dreams. We are not talking about the "I wish I had a better car" broken dreams, but the things that my heart longs for that I can't FORCE to come to fruition. The things I want to control but must let go of. The things like adoption, and where to best raise our 3 very unique and wonderfully made children are plaguing my thoughts and contentment. One minute I think, "This is nothing like starvation...so pull yourself up by your bootstraps and quit complaining"...while on the other hand, I cry out to God for answers. I came across one of my very favorite poems from my childhood at my parent's house last night and it brought a peace to me that has been lacking. I'm convinced that it was the whispering voice of my Father telling me that it's OK...to tell Him all about it...stroking my hair and looking at me tenderly...kissing my forehead while saying, "I'm here and I've got you." Here it is...

BROKEN DREAMS
As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow--"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."

3 comments:

Crystal said...

Mindy,
Thank you for this post and sharing that beautiful poem. It was something that I really needed to hear today (as I am feeling rather bratty). I may print out the poem and clip it to my Bible. Did you write it?
Crystal

m.c. said...

thanks crystal! no...i didn't write it. actually it is framed and hanging in my mom and dad's kitchen. the author is unknown. it is one of the first presents that i remember buying my mom myself. i don't remember how old i was...but i was young. i remember how much i loved it back then and when i read it last night, i almost started crying. i just had not read it in a while! it made me remember that though i am not homeless or starving, God does care about my dreams. that was comforting.

Kara said...

Ditto to what Crystal said. :) I was really needing to read that too. I am quickly reminded how hard it is for me to really let go on certain things in my life.
I need that on my bathroom mirror each morning as I get ready and be reminded he does care about my biggest and smallest dreams, feelings, hurts, etc.
Thanks Mindy! :) Love ya girl.