the older i get...the faster things sneak up on me.
easter is tomorrow. and as i ran around yesterday...knowing it was good friday...the day in history that Jesus gave up his life...i realized my tension.
chad calls this my "yearly tutorial on egg dying." look at how intently colt is listening to my instructions on how not to slosh the egg dye.
yesterday was the day that i had time. chad was home. i could run around looking for swimsuits and goggles and chocolate eggs and those disgusting duck marshmallows to fill the kid's baskets without my sweet, little tag alongs. i mean...i realize that it's not about the bunny...but i'm not ready to take that part of childhood magic away from my littles. i still got a basket when i was in high school...God bless my mother...and it didn't mean that i loved Jesus any less.
but...and here's my big BUT...i realized that i am a person who needs...NEEDS...to be able to slow down my mind and truly focus all of my emotion on the things that are important. for example...i can't just breeze through a kid's birthday. i have to emotionally engage with the day...and feel everything it means...and create all kinds of details that will commemorate the experience. so...spending good friday shopping for basket fillers felt...frustrating.
i, for one, am glad to see that he is taking this seriously.
i kept thinking...what could we do? what could we do to feel the day...the weight of it...the importance...the gratitude? in order to feel those things...i would have to let myself slow down and experience the grief of what He did. i would have to go there. and i can't really go there in a target aisle. and i find it hard to go there with a cluttered house...because my cluttered house is in direct correlation to my cluttered mind.
so...instead of going to the next store on my list...i headed home, in the hopes of an evening with my family. maybe we could watch the Jesus film together. maybe we could locate the bible episodes on demand. maybe we could read the story together. maybe we could go there together.
colt was distracted all day by a big, ole' molar that would not come out.
where we ended up going was a grand opening party of a friend's business and taco cabana.
i'm not beating myself up about it. but i am learning to recognize my distractions. i am learning that each of our distractions come in disguise. they are disguised in the most perfect and individual way. it may be work for one. it may be sports for another. it may be a pesky tooth ache for that one. and maybe...just maybe...it's trying to make all their easter outfits coordinate perfectly for someone else. i'm distracted by perfection. the perfect easter activities for my preschoolers...the perfect dyed eggs...the perfect candy for the baskets...the perfect side dish and dessert to bring for easter dinner...the perfect bunnied, jammies to wear. and yes...the perfect emotional reaction to the cross on good friday. well played, satan. well played.
so...today...i'm doing my best to say NO to all of my distractions. today, i will read the story to my children. today, i will go and get the food that i need to take to my parents...and view it as a way of serving them...and not making everything perfect in order to impress them. today...i will love my kids and spend time with them and not for them. after all...they won't remember how much time i spent looking for the perfect pair of flip flops to go with their perfect pair of cargo shorts.
she talks to her eggs...
"hi little egg."
have a lovely Easter weekend, friends...with as few distractions as possible.
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