I'm enjoying the quiet that seldom is, waiting for the kids to meander down the stairs...blankies and stuffed bears in hand, with ragged hair and sleepy eyes. Turns out, Trout likes to get up rather early to go outside and then spends the next hour bounding around and biting my ankles. Even the continual, calming drip of the coffee pot doesn't lull him like I think it should. Nope...the dog can't get enough of my jammy pants, it seems. The whole way down the driveway...he is chasing and biting my pants. Half the time, it looks like he is walking me. But that's just in the mornings. I guess shorts don't carry the same appeal. Well...there also the fact that he can't reach them. I'm getting to be friends with the early part of Good Morning America these days. Every morning I think the same thing. "This sure would be a great time to dust off my Bible and read a few chapters. This would be the quiet time that you say you never have." Yet, every morning I sit, coffee in hand, blankly staring at the seemingly important stories told by New York and things like concert in the park...which really do nothing for my mood, my heart, or my attitude for the day. Maybe tomorrow...
Trout has finally calmed himself and is back asleep...but my coffee has perked me up, just enough, to not be able to go back to bed. Everyone in the house is asleep but me. And I must admit...it's kind of a nice feeling to start the day like the way I end it. I should try it more often. Although, today is meet the teacher and Monday marks the start of a new school year. Let me be honest...I'm not ready. I am finding myself moping around and in a general bad mood at the thought of it. I wonder, is it the early mornings, the lunches, the homework, or the lack of laziness that I am dreading? Each one of those things has something to do with it, I'm sure. But just a little something. I can't really put my finger on it. Is it that we traveled so much this Summer that it doesn't really feel like we had one? Is it that I'm so damn old that time is flying by at warped speed...unlike it does for a child, when Summer feels like an eternity of splashing, playing, and adventure? This morning, in my solitude, the light bulb finally lit up that part of my brain that I have been successfully ignoring. I don't want the kids to be gone for the majority of every day. I don't want to miss lunch with them. I don't want to see them for only 4 hours every day. I don't want to start Colton's last year in elementary school. I don't want Chase to be on the "big kid" side of the school. I don't want Aiden to not be in Kindergarten anymore. What the hedoublehockeysticks happened to last school year...that we seemingly started just a few months ago? And what does that mean for this year and how fast it will go? That means, I'm just a few blinks away from Colton being in Jr. High!! Um...no. I'm good with littles. I'm great with babies. I'm happy with having all my ducks in a sweet, little row...holding their hands and carrying them on my hip. I savor the slow to wake, sleepy, cuddly, and lazy mornings...complete with jammies and lingering milks and coffee...everyone waking on their own time and joining us only when they are perfectly ready.
And then there is the reality of turning them over to adults that I know absolutely NOTHING about every day. It takes just about the whole year to really get to know all of their teachers and friends that they are spending all of their time with. Later this morning, we all meet each other for the first time. I am faking excitement. After all...I wouldn't want the kids to feel my trepidation. I better pull it together fast. Our Summer consists of only 3 more days.
I never promised "nothing but cheer" here. Hopefully you don't hold my "debbie downerness" against me. For too long, anyways...
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