Thursday, January 03, 2013

new happy year

while uploading my pictures...i typed in the date, using 2013 for the first time.  i'm trying to be inspired to embrace the new year and celebrate all of the miraculous moments that it will indeed hold...but it can't really be done by lighting a new candle or hanging a new picture on the wall.  that works for clean the house inspiration.  but, saying goodbye to last year takes pulling out the big guns.  it is somehow harder for me this time.  it's coupled with the kids growing in stature and maturity, certainly.  it's the knowledge that the school year will be coming to a close after just one semester...and that means that i will have a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a 3rd grader, and a little someone going on 4.  it's my grandmother getting another year older in the coming month.  it's time.  gone.
i think that's my favorite part about this journal/picture album in my own little corner of the magical, web world.  at least it's proof.  it's proof that he actually said "that," and that she really did believe "that," and that he thought "that" and she really was that little and wore those old, red sandals.  i don't have to completely let it go.  i don't have to really say goodbye.
the last of the christmas magic is officially over.  we drove all through the night last night and pulled into our driveway early this morning.  we walked into our waiting home.  it had a chill to it.  a chill that suggested that no one had been living here...that it was lonely with just a roaming cat...and that it missed us.  the kids did what they do when we re-enter our lives after a long trip.  they run from room to room, reacquainting themselves with sweet, stuffed bunnies, superheros, and babies that were left behind.  they hit the wii like nobody's business.  they are content.
i usually get right down to business...putting away clothes and toothbrushes and cleaning so that all evidence that we we gone fades away and life resumes seamlessly and painlessly.  but this time, on this particular morning, i layed down on the couch...covered myself with 2 soft blankets until our heat warmed our home...and drifted off to sleep.  i'm pretty sure i said goodbye to the holidays in my dreams, and vividly revisited some of my favorite parts of 2012.  and when i woke up...i was ready.
i'll tuck away this passed year as i tuck away freshly washed vacation clothes.

i'll clean up what's un-kept in my mind as i get the kitchen functioning.

and i'll get us all prepared to start back to school in the last 3 days of our long anticipated vacation.

because i'm a mother.  and that's what mothers do.  i have to be good at helping our kids feel and celebrate and say goodbye and start fresh.  i have to comfort the little one who's lower lip quivers when she says she's not ready for the year to be over. i have to work through the sadness of great being over and the fear of the unexpected and unknown being ahead, because they feel it too.  they may not know how to express it...but it's undoubtedly there.  it's there in the form of tears, and anger, and temperamental attitudes.  and since i have felt it too...and had to make my own inspiration to start the new with a smile and a twinkle in my eye...maybe i can teach them how to as well.
happy 2013.
there.  i just typed it for the second time.
and it was a little easier than the first.

1 comment:

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I enjoyed your blog. I confess that I say goodbye to 2012 with less melancholy because it was not a particularly good one for us. Still, given the changes we've already seen happen in 2013, there's something to be said for having a bit of trepidation for the coming months.