Tuesday, October 25, 2011


when i was little...my birthday was like a national holiday, as far as i was concerned.  and my family...well they went right along with me and made me feel like for that day...on october 24th...i was the only thing that mattered in the world to them.  maybe that's not so good...or maybe it's great.  i'm not sure?  but what i do know, is that i vividly remember being awaken to presents and breakfast and decorated school lockers and parties and grandparents and chicken and dumplins and creme de menthe pie and feeling like i was one, special girl.  i thought  october 24th had to be the best day to be born.  fall is in full swing.  halloween excitement is in the air.  and the magic of christmas is just around the corner.  people are happy and they are in the mood to celebrate.  party themes come easy with costumes and pumpkins and festivity in the air.

yesterday was october 24th.  i know it because the calendar said so.  however, i didn't really feel like celebrating for some reason.  i hate that.

it was hot and humid outside.  we have a mosquito infestation that makes stepping outside the house miserable.  i felt crampy and moody and my face was all broken out  (draw your own conclusion with that one.)  the dog threw up.  and peed.  on the carpet.  annslee was sick.  chase was sick.  there was no festivity in the air.  my stomach hurt and my pride was bruised at the steady climb of my age.  i'm considered too old to bare children without concern.  the laundry was piled high and the messes were countless.  all i wanted to do was climb into bed and pull the covers over my head and block out the creeping reality that if i am getting older...than so are the people around me that i love.  my parents.  my grandmother.  my children.  suddenly, the lines that are taking up residence on my face are not my number one concern.  i start thinking of being forced to say goodbye...in a painful, plethora of different ways.

october 24th felt very different than it did before.


my faithful mother pulled through once again.  she created festivity in the air.  she made chicken and dumplins and creme de menthe pie.  she couldn't do anything about the age i was turning or the time that won't stop...but she did make me feel loved...for the 37th year in a row.

chad had just come home from cuba the night before.  even though he had been out of the loop for a while...he saw the sadness in my eyes where there is usually sparkles whenever i am in the midst of a celebration...no matter how big or small.  he knows me...that one.

i had said, "absolutely NO presents" this year.  i only wanted money to go towards the adoption.

when he "gave me" my present...i cried.

he gave me an ING savings account in my name with $500 in it to get us started.  it is specifically for our baby girl.

it was the best present he could have ever given me.

he hugged me and whispered, "what do you think her name will be?"

i will never forget that.

it was exactly what i needed to hear.

my parents and honey gave me the remaining money needed to pay for our home study.

thank you family!!!

another october 24th has come and gone...inching me closer and closer to whatever life has in store...good and bad.  i guess i just have to live with that.  after all...it's no different for anyone else.  and the good that God has awaiting is worth it.

the possibility of our girl out there...waiting for us...one day closer to her family...

i can live with that.


i finally got my new computer charger in the mail.  i am reunited with writing and my pictures and i am already feeling a little bit better.  there may be a small sparkle coming back to these baby blues.

this is what i call...


this is what i call...

"if i can just use all of my body weight...i think i can stop her."

this is what i call...

"are you going to help me or just stand there uselessly taking pictures?????"

(look at aiden's sinister grin.)

and then she realizes she's had her fun and gives in.

one thing's for sure...sister friend knows how to get her way with the siblings.

this is quite possibly one of my favorite pictures of aiden.  i just love it.

she looks good in my hat.  and i think she knows it.

she is never to be out-done.

when i see my man with my baby...something happens.

it's like my heart actually grows a little.  or skips a beat.  or something.  i can't put my finger on it.

fun usually always overcomes fear for me.  i guess that's a plus.

we finally got around to making the acorn dinkleworms from one of her favorite story books.

if i had time...i'd talk about how much i love aprons.  all kinds.

here's a little secret...

chad was in cuba.

uk was over for supper.

and there is rum in that coke.

yeah...i taped trout's ears down...because i have an irrationally fear about them sticking up like a german shepherds.  it really worked too.

don't worry...i didn't come up with that idea myself.  i read about it on-line.  which pretty much makes me an expert.

i think these girls are simply amazing.

uk grilled us up some hawaiian jerk chicken, zucchini, squash, and tomatoes while he enjoyed one of the salvaged pumpkin ales.

i love family.

i also love pumpkin ale.

well...look who's finally making an appearance!  it's not that i like taking pictures of the girls better...it's that they will allow it without a fight.

action shots in between video game breaks is about all i can drum up for these guys these days.


the joy they bring.

you know...the definition of a boy is "constant motion."

i'm pretty sure that's from websters. 

annslee and her "nanna" and "gaga" danced in the kitchen.

on another note...

this old fashioned madam alexander doll makes me extremely happy.

the way annslee is cradling her does as well.

this is my favorite thing in my house right now.  it basically gives me permission to do all the things i'm really good at...and encourages me to do better at the things that i'm not.

i guess that if time has to go on in order for me to experience the little things of every day that make me so, very happy...


i'll just have to be okay with that.

now...the crows feet on my face are another story.

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