Thursday, October 06, 2011


The last time I wrote from this desk...I was so content and happy.  I felt like I had the world on a string.  I don't know why my brain remembers things like that.  I remember that the pumpkin candle was flickering, the lamp was shining a soft glow on my screen, and my coffee was sending little smoke tendrils into the air and providing warmth and awakening with every sip.

Tonight, the candle is burned down to nothing and no longer flickers...and has left an unsightly, black coat of soot all over the jar.  It sits...un-lit...un-smelling...and un-inviting.  The lamp light sparked and burned out as soon as I turned the switch...leaving my desk dark, depressing, and sort-of lonely feeling.  I do have a nice glass of cabernet next to me...doing what little it can to warm my emotions. 

The last time I was here...I thought we were getting Maeve.

I did sit here earlier this morning...doing my best to navigate the Texas Department of Public Safety website.  I had to sign us up and make an appointment for us to have our fingerprints and criminal background check completed before we can have our homestudy done.

That's news, I suppose.  After Chad's physically exhausting and emotional trip to Ukraine...he came home and slept.  On the plane to New ds games and magazine articles about important things like the Kardashian wedding...we had "the talk."  I will always remember this talk, I should think.  It was when Chad told me that we could go ahead and formally start the adoption process.  He said that he knew it was a passion and dream of mine and that he would do what he needed to in order to help me fulfill that.  Now...that man?  Well...he's is a good and Godly man, that one.

So this week, we mailed off the first official documents to Austin and made appointments to get our background check.  It's a start.  I find myself crossing my fingers and thinking exactly like I did each time I was newly pregnant.  "Please let this result in a healthy baby in 9 months or so."

In case you were thinking that we were having super, exciting days...let this be a little insight to our not-so-exciting-leaving-something-to-be-desired-in-the-crafting-baking-playing house-i'm-the-freaking-best-mom-in-the-world routine:

This would be during the 9:00-10:00 morning hour where AJ actually sits still long enough to watch something on TV.  Thank the Lord that she has figured out how attractive and personable Elmo is.  Sesame Street was my favorite show when I was little...and has become my favorite show again.  For different reasons, of course.  I no longer dream of being best friends with Big Bird.  On some this one...I just dream.

This morning...during the hour of power...I dealt with adoption stuff first and then used the last 15 minutes as a chance to sit on the couch and read The Hunger Games.  I'm addicted.  I just finished The Help and was concerned I wouldn't find something that I liked as much.  Not a problem.  This book is so good, I tuck it in my purse and sneak it out every time I have even the tiniest of a spare minute.

My friend, G, did pop over toward the end of Sesame and she caught me in my pj's...reading on the couch.  Literally.  She poked her head in the already cracked front door and said my name.  I was ashamed at the state she had found us in for a split second.  What......with my poor darlin squatting in front of the TV while her pj wearin' mother had her nose in a book on the couch at 10 am.  And then I remembered how she wouldn't ever care and would never even think to judge.  We all just need friends like that.  She has kids.  She knows the importance of the hour of power.

Then we lunched with my mom, dad and grandmother.  (It's a rough life.)  We went to the most wonderful find of a restaurant called Magnolias.  It is in clear lake.  Whoa.  One avocado sandwich and key lime bar later...I'm hooked. 

I'll leave you with a little thing I'm calling...

Things I never thought I'd say Thursdays
(these are actual sentences that came out of my mouth)

"Chase.  Stop licking the bowl of mustard."

"Aiden!  Stop!!  You are spilling the hair."




The puddin cup turns the big 2 on Saturday. 

Here's to a weekend and a little girl worth celebrating!!

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