Thursday, October 25, 2012

october 24th...come and gone

when i think over the last 38 birthdays...a flood gate of emotion opens up and pours memories all over me.
i remember things like getting my first pair of guess jeans; honey and paw-paw giving me my kermie and piggie sleeping bag; walking into school to find my locker decorated by friends; opening my first real ring from a boyfriend; being taken on a hike through the mountains in north carolina for a picnic; picking out a swatch watch; my parents throwing me a surprise party at mr. gatties; renting out the roller rink for my 18th; driving to get my driver's licence on my 16th; and reading the scratchy writing on homemade cards from my children.
i think that this birthday was one of my favorites.
i sit tonight...thinking back to the messages and gifts that i received over the coarse of the day.  and all of them...every single one...said,
"hey you......i know you....and i care about you....and i really want you to feel celebrated."
i write from my desk tonight...with a spiced pumpkin candle flickering, tulips slowly blooming, and chewy sweet tarts whispering my name...all gifts from the day.
the rest of my house may be screaming for my homemaker attention...but this place???  well...this place is a sanctuary...reminding me of my children walking into my room this morning, flowers in hand and a friend's surprise visit with my favorite fall candle and candy.

when i glanced down at my 36 "followers" of the i often do as an encouragement to keep writing...i saw the number 107 in place of the 36.  i figured there must be some mistake.  and then chad told me what he had done.  that sweet man wants me to feel valued and like i really have a voice that matters in this big world. 
he hears me wonder if i can ever really make a difference.  he hears me wonder, sometimes, if i matter.
although i'm a little embarrassed...i love that number 107.  and i love that you 107 people took the time to do that for me.  i feel heard.  it's a good feeling to feel heard, you know.  the reason that i started blogging was to record pictures and stories of our family so that some day...our children can look through them and read them and know their story.  they can look back and see how much they were cherished.  every day.  i often imagine my daughters reading some of these posts and realizing...
"ok...she didn't always have it all together...and she failed...and she got frustrated...just like i feel today with my kids....but she sure did love us well."
and it's been an unexpected bonus to share that with all of you.  you will never know how the kind words and support that has come from sharing our story has encouraged me over the last 5 years.  so...all of that to say...i'm really glad you are here.
this morning, i woke to the most precious of breakfasts.

i actually cried yesterday when my 6 little preschool students sang me happy birthday.  there is something about the voices of children, i tell you.
aiden actually made me 2 reindeer puppets that attached to my card.  there's not much better than reindeer puppets.
unless it's the running horse charm that the kids picked out at james avery to go on my bracelet.
colton took the day off school and he, annslee, and i met mom and honey at the new outlets that just opened by our house.

this is an exciting situation.  annslee knows how to entertain herself in a dressing room.

and this is one of my favorite pictures of the day.  i love these people more than life itself.

at mom and dad's tonight...UK gave me my birthday t-shirt.
it's just about perfect.  we often find ourselves asking each other,
"what would JR EWING do?"
it's become a thing.

mom made chicken and dumplings and creme de menthe pie, of course.
it has been my birthday dinner since i was 3 years old.  i will tell everyone that every year too.  it just makes me happy.

there was one nagging thought that kept plaguing me all day.  my dad had won a golf tournament a while back that took him to north carolina this week.  i kept thinking,
"dad hasn't called yet."
tonight at dinner, his seat sat empty...and i missed him.
i missed the way he hugged me.  i missed the way he laughs at what i say.  i missed the way he says happy birthday.
at the table...i said, "daddy hasn't called yet."
mom assured me that he was probably in the mountains and didn't get reception.
i said, "i know.  i'm sure that's it."
after we got phone rang.  i glanced down at it...and saw
i smiled and answered it.
he said, "happy birthday!!!"
we talked about what i did today and about dinner and about how he was doing.  he told me he was sorry he wasn't here.  he told me how much he loved me and how proud he was.
after we said goodbye, chad asked,
"he called???"
i smiled softly and answered,
"he called."
it's 11:13 pm now.  it's almost over.  the day that i look forward to for the entire month of october is here and is coming to a close.
and i loved it.
i loved today.
so far...38 has been great.
thank you for being a part of it.

No comments: