Friday, January 21, 2011

let's clear something up...

never did i think, for a second that anyone other than my friends and family, who know me...who really know me... would read my blog post yesterday.  not that i mind who reads it.  i'm a smart cookie.  i know that when you put something online...you have to be okay with EVERYONE seeing it.  and i always ask myself, before i post anything...whether about me, someone else, and especially my kids..."am i ok if this ended up on fox news?"  so...obviously when i asked for prayer on my blog yesterday, i wasn't trying to hide.  however...it is quite interesting that instead of the average 16 people who read my blog on a daily basis...it's been close to 100 over the last 24 hours.  hmmmm.  interesting.  thanks to all those who made my blog a forward.  that's always super.

let's clear something up for those of you that don't really know me...because i am getting a good sense of your concern.

am i happy?  YES

do i love life?  YES

do i love my husband?  YES

do i love being a mom?  YES

do i adore my children?  YES

do I think i'm a good mom?  YES

do i laugh a lot?  YES

do i battle obsessive compulsive disorder?  YES

have i every day for most of my life?  YES

will i always?  I DON'T KNOW

do i believe God will heal me?  HE CAN IF IT IS WHAT HE WANTS

do i feel beaten down sometimes and get tired of being scared of door knobs?  YOU BET YA

do i hope to not be scared of getting sick someday?  ABSOLUTELY

am i ok if OCD never goes away and i have to fight it the rest of my life?  YES

am i struggling with the death of my grandpa?  YES

does missing him make me sad?  YES

did pure exhaustion from the months before he died up until the funeral was over take a toll?  YES

was i already exhausted from having 4 sick kids and the holidays to deal with as well?  YES

did all that stress and being physically down make it harder to battle the OCD every day?  YES

do i sometimes feel like giving up (on fighting OCD...not life)?  YES

will i give up fighting OCD...which would mean forcing the kids to live in a bubble?  NO

did i want my friends and family to pray for me to specifically get stronger physically?  YES

do i want to feel good and not be scared of stuff that is out of my control?  YES

do i trust God has not left me?  YES

is it a battle to go to places where i know the kids and myself could get sick?  A SERIOUS BATTLE

do i win the battle?  MOST OF THE TIME

am i ok?  YES

like i said...it's been a rough month.  not just for me, but for my entire family.  please understand that and have grace for me regarding a blog post where i was asking my friends and family to pray for me.  it's not something i normally do.

3 comments:

meredith said...

wishing i was right there to give you a hug & a cup of tea & whatever else you need!!

boo to the naysayers & questioners. it takes a lot of guts to be real & honest in a forum that is full of people just giving out the "best" of themselves. more often than not, I find the realness posts from the blogs i follow are soooo refreshing & make me feel like i am not alone.

you have an amazing story to tell (that isn't even finished yet). keep telling it w/ all that mindy flare & sense of humor. love you, girl!

Anonymous said...

Amen Sister! To those of you whom had the audacity to copy my friends personal cry for prayer and cover it with the "Christian response of worry!"....I say shame on you! I call that pure and adulterated GOSSIP!!! She is brave and a real warrior in this broken world where we all need help, compassion and prayer.
Heather

Anonymous said...

Over the course of our 14 year friendship, the thing I cherish the most about you is your raw transparency and childlike honesty. Thank you for not compartmentalizing your life to make this blog an exception. I love, respect, and appreciate you more than words can express. You are a true sister to me. I will continue to pray with boldness and confidence for complete healing and victory for you in every area.
Ashley