I Knew You Before You Were Born

dear annslee james,

the promise of you started long before you were born.  i remember, clearly, writing your name when your brothers were just a toddler and a baby.  we were all at the beach in charleston with friends.  one night, we were playing with the magnadoodle.  randomly, i wrote...

colton

chase

aiden

annslee

that was when the hope of two girls...sisters...was born. 

i quietly began hoping and praying that God would give us daughters for your daddy and i, and sisters for the boys.  after aiden was born, i rejoiced in a dream coming true and half of my hope was made real.  when aiden was 1...4 and a half years before you were born, i came home from target with 4 children's plates.  there was a blue one for colton.  there was a green one for chase.  there was a pink one for aiden.  daddy asked me who the purple one was for...and i replied, "we can't forget about annslee."

these plates were stacked neatly in the cabinet, and every time i used the blue, green, and pink one, i saw your purple one;  a promise of you...quietly waiting for you...just like me.

i knew you were coming.  God whispered your name to me, just like he had that night at the beach.  He knew you before you were born.

In those years before you were born, i hoped, and longed, and dreamed and prayed for you.

and i waited.



and when i thought that i couldn't wait any longer, God formed you and knitted you together perfectly, and he gave you to me.  quietly and carefully, he tucked you in.  i knew.  i knew you were coming.

we all rejoiced and prepared and awaited you.  God made my hope complete.  you made my hope and my dream real.

colton

chase

aiden

annslee

sweet annslee james...

i knew you before you were born.

happy 1st birthday, my doll.

*

Father God, I will never tire of thanking you for giving me my dream.

CHASE IS (gr)EIGHT

joshua "chase" clarkson...

when you were born, i felt your quiet and gentle spirit whisper to my soul.  i said, "he is going to be special.  i can feel his gentleness."  people didn't think i could know you this way when you were only a day old.  but i knew.

when you were 20 minutes old, i noticed one of my very favorite things about your face...your dimples.  i said, "ah!!!  he has dimples!!  i love them!"

you were always quick to smile and show them to me.  they always made me happy.  they still do.  i will always seek "permission to kiss the dimples."

with just a look, i know you.  i know just how you feel, and i feel it too.

you make me smile.

you make me feel important...and welcome...and loved.

and you make me want to play...and learn...and see things in a new and different way.

you make me appreciate life...and love.

you are a boy who is pleasing to God...like you somehow know what He has done for you...in a way that kid's don't usually understand.  you serve with a happy heart.  you put other's before yourself.  you love people, and make them feel special.

*

i can feel your quiet and gentle spirit whisper to my soul.  you are special.  i can feel your gentleness.  people didn't think that i could know you this way when you were only a day old...

but i knew.

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY, MY FROG PRINCE

my date with a servant

chase has a servant's heart. he is always the one who quietly serves without expecting anything in return...surely a rare find in grown men these days, much less little ones. the other day, we were at an adult friend's birthday party. everyone had gone through the food line inside and had found various seating on the large, back porch and had started eating. i had annslee in my arms and a plate of food for her in my hand as i walked out to the packed porch. i have to admit that there were grown men sitting comfortably in chairs, already eating dinner and kids scattered around digging into their hotdogs. as i walked through the door to the porch, i quickly surveyed the seating and knew i would have to find another place to sit and feed annslee. and not allowing one more second to pass, chase...with his servant's heart grabbed his plate, stood up and said, "here mommy...you can sit here." you can imagine the grown men's faces as they saw an example of godliness in this little boy. my heart leaped with pride and gratitude. we made a very big deal of chase and his servant's heart and he got to pick from the treasure box when we got home.

yesterday, when they came in from school, chase was sitting at the table eating his snack. he looked at me and said, "mommy? do you want to lay down on the couch and rest while i rub your back? i replied, "oh chase...that would be wonderful!" he said, "that would fill up your bucket. we all have a bucket and when people do nice things...it fills it up." i'm not sure where he got this...but i pray that there are people in his life, scattered strategically throughout his day who fill his bucket today. i also pray that i can learn from chase's expample and serve with a happy heart.

blabble

good grief. i just had to have a "session" with myself. you know when you leave a certain situation and think "why couldn't i have just sat in the background and kept my big, fat mouth shut?" you re-live the whole scenario and go over what you said and how others responded to you over and over again until you are positive that everyone left and went straight home to tell their husbands what a complete lunatic you are and vow to never invite you to another get together for the love of all things peaceful? (i'm not even sure if that was a question or a statement!!) look...now i'm confused about punctuation. i guess that's the moral of the story. i'm confused. i don't do "confused" well. and somehow the conversation made it's way to some of the things i am most confused about and lets just say that "blabble" puts it politely. i felt myself saying, "shut up, shut up, shut up." but it was too late. once the blabble starts, it's very hard to stop.

the truth is, i've never been able to be anything other than myself. i say what i think. i feel what i feel. and i wear my emotions on my sleeve. that translates into the people i am with generally knowing a little (or in this case, alot) of the real me. and that is very scary sometimes. i used to feel pretty secure in my own skin. but lately, i have battled insecurity about myself and what people think of me like i haven't in a long, long time. and i hate insecure. it goes against everything i stand for and want my kids to stand for. so tonight, we have a combination of a battle with insecurity rearing it's ugly head and very genuine and honest blabble about my heart and what is on it and people i have not seen ot talked to in a while, as well as someone I JUST MET, who probably didn't really need to hear anything other than "things have been fine. (smile politely)"

in the hour or so since this experience, i have allowed myself to concoct a menagerie of thoughts that these people must have of me and my matters of the heart as well as tell myself that they want nothing to do with me or my blabble at this point. insecurity and blabble is not such a good combination. i guess there are two morals of the story.

pokerface

this morning, chad had to leave early for work. the kids are used to him being around for breakfast. so when he wasn't milling around the kitchen, drinking his orange juice this morning, chase asked:

chase: "where's daddy?"

me: "he has already left."

chase: "oh. he already left to go play poker?"

it was 7:40 in the morning. let's hope not.

clearly we are a hat family

what do you do when you can't decide which picture you like better? i usually post both. for instance...in the top picture, i love being able to see chase's beautiful eyes and colt looks somewhat "happy" in spite of my insisting on getting a "hat" picture on our way to the baordwalk. however, i like the spacing and zoom of the bottom picture better. ahhh...the obsessive tendencies of the perfectionistic photographer.

and chad was meeting us there, so he was unable to appear in the "hat" picture. although, i would like to point out that he was, in fact wearing one.

qUoTeS

"when i grow up, i want to be a frog...and live outside in the backyard. and when you come outside, i'll say, "pssssst. down here. don't step on me.""

~chase (7 yrs.)

"EWWWWW...undies! i'm not gonna fold anything boyish...because they have had BUTT in them. BOY BUTT!!"

~aiden; while helping me fold laundry (5 yrs.)


"i am not going to over serve myself dr. pepper in the late afternoon anymore. it makes it hard to go to sleep."

~me; while typing this blog when i should be in bed asleep (present day)

In honor of mastitis...

25...give or take

i have mastitis.....AGAIN. on the off chance that any of you reading this are male...i would encourage you to just let this one go by. this is nothing you really care to know about. trust me.

i had never heard of mastitis until shortly after my oldest little man was born. these are the things people don't tell you. i got it for the first time when i was nursing colt. he was, like, 3 weeks old. then i got it approximately 4 more times. then the same thing happened with chase, and aiden. so, by the time i weaned aiden, i had gone through this dangerous, staff infection of the clogged milk duct more times then i could count. i think i had it 7 or 8 times with aiden. one would think that after nursing 3 babies, my body would know what to do the fourth time around. no such luck. i am now dealing with my 8th case of mastitis with puddin pie, and this one is a whopper. i found out during aiden's reign that i had an overactive letdown reflex. this should not be surprising...what, with my flair for overacting in general. but for real??? even my milk ducts are hyper? evidently so. which would explain the fact that i could probably feed 4 children simultaneously and still have milk left over. when the kids were itty bitties, we would have milk everywhere! soaking through clothes, leaking down my shirt, spraying all over the place, gagging the baby, and jamming the freezer door. all this is great at all...except it leads to the dreaded clog, that inevitably gets infected. i usually wake up in the night or in the morning and feel like someone is stabbing me in the............well..............."duct" and a high fever shortly follows. then you feel like you have the flu. it's pretty great.

if my calculations are correct, this is around my 25th case of mastitis...give or take. now, my doctor doesn't even make me come in. they are on a first name basis with me and my................"ducts".

today...it was her turn

colton (9), chase (7) and aiden (5)

first day of school

the sweet pea on her first day of kindergarten

*

everything about her exhibits a calm spirit and quiet patience. she has become accustomed to waiting her turn. she has always had two others who have gone before her...as she quietly stands in the background, or sits on the bleachers watching. it's not that she doesn't talk. she always has something to say...an idea that must be shared, a question to ask, something she wants to do or talk about, or an encouraging word to give. but her spirit is sweet and calm and sure...and she doesn't mind waiting. today it was her turn. and she was ready. this day snuck up on me in a way...but not her. she was born ready. we both knew it was coming, and i was busy expending my energy trying to make things perfect for her, while she quietly waited. she had an appropriate mix of emotion. she expressed a little excitement...a few questions...and the "i will miss you too's"...that were mainly for my benefit. but what struck me most, was her peaceful calm that was going against everything that i was used to feeling myself. there were no tears. there were no fears. there was no anxiety. and this...i had to respect about my daughter.

when i walked in her room this morning and woke her with a whisper, it took her a minute to remember. i said, "it's time to wake up, my little kindergartner." she smiled and whispered back, "i'm so excited." she was sure what she wanted to wear. she was sure how she wanted her hair. she was sure as she walked out of our house...the only place she has truly known...and into a whole new experience. and she was sure that she was ready and that she would be ok. this was someone i could learn something from. she was slowly becoming my example. quietly...patiently...i let her.

*

she did take my hand as we walked toward her classroom...and for that, i was grateful. i needed that little hand to remain in mine for as long as it possibly could. i started feeling them creep up inside.....the missing her; the sadness; the not wanting to let go; and the tears. i let her lead me. she calmed my heart, and my tears didn't surface. and she lead my way down the hall. she said, "it's the second door." i said, "ok." we were there...too quickly. five years too quickly. but we were there, none the less. and it was time to let go. we let go of each other's hands.

*
she has been right by my side for 5 years now, and it feels like my right arm is missing when she is not there. after we got home, i sat with annslee. i think she wondered where they were. she didn't see her sister bouncing and playing. she wasn't there to sit in the floor and play with her like every other morning. there were no cartoons on the t.v. she didn't hear her ask for another bowl of cereal, or another cup of juice. she didn't hear her questions or ideas or requests to play. it was silent. we both looked around, and the only sound she heard were my deep breaths as the tears started to make their way out from where they had been hiding. when i put her down for her nap, i passed aiden's room. the light was still on, so i went in. i looked around at all the places she would normally be, sat down on her bed, and let them come. i had done my job. she was ready. and i had held it together for her even though i wasn't. i was alone. and i cried.

i know that she will be home soon, and that she will quietly wait her turn to tell me all about her day. and i will hug her and tell her how much i missed her. and right now...as i eye the puzzles and books, the little pretend kitchen where she has served me countless pretend meals, and the tiny tea set...just waiting for a little girl's imagination and a party...i smile through my tears and think about my sleeping baby girl in the next room. there is more to come.

the maiden and "her boys"
she doesn't have to watch them go this time.

do you have time for a story?

i pose the question, because if you don't have time, i'd rather you not start. i need you to appreciate the details of my story, because only then can you appreciate the circumstances leading up to the telling of the story. and there is nothing that hurts my feelings more, than for someone to not appreciate a story...especially if it is my story.

i deserve a medal for this day, and as luck would have it...we got two. aiden and chase had their last gymnastics class where we got to video and take pictures of their "routines" and see how far they had come since the beginning of the summer...complete with a medal ceremony. then we went straight to get the older three haircuts, where chase explained to our hair dresser that he wanted his hair to look like "elvis". we had discussed this prior to arriving at the salon, and despite all the "negotiations"...he did, in fact, go in with an elvis hair plan. thankfully...after colt went with the short and spiky look...chase followed close behind. we dodged a "lot of weird looks on the first day of school" bullet with that spontaneous change of plan.

after we got home, aiden asked about 84 times when we were leaving for our "date". i have taken each kid to do something of their choice, by themselves...and it was her turn. we were going to see ramona and beezus and she was beyond excited. we had been talking about this for weeks.

a while back, i was told at the kindergarten registration that she was missing two immunizations. i made a mental note at that time. "ok...two immunizations...got it." so, of course, i waited until several weeks ago to make the appointment. (who wants to take their kid to get shots at the beginning of the summer when she doesn't neeeeeed them until the first day of school?) so, the first appointment they had was for today. not a problem...and in plenty of time for the first day of school on monday. i ended up calling them on tuesday to see if i could push the appointment back 30 minutes or so, by chance, because of a scheduling conflict. (i mean...we always have to wait about an hour anyways, right?) they informed me that we could, however they were now out of immunizations anyway, and that we could reschedule for next thursday, when they would have them in. they said that it shouldn't be a problem and that they could give me a note for the school, stating the shortage and that she did, indeed, have an appointment scheduled. i tried all that afternoon the get a hold of the school to make sure that this was ok and couldn't get anyone. so, today, i tried again and got the secretary. she said that i needed to talk to the nurse and transferred me. so, i left a message for her to call me back. when she did, i was upstairs and didn't get the call. when i called her back, i got her and explained the situation. she started telling me that she totally understood and that she was a mom too and that........silence. my stupid phone dropped the call. i had been trying to get in touch with this woman for 2 days and then my phone drops the call. while i am trying to get her back, she gets sent straight to my voicemail and leaves the message that she will give us a grace period and that i can just bring aiden's shot records to her on friday after she gets them. ok. great.

at this point, aiden had picked out this fancy dress, pink leggings, pink lacy socks and black mary janes to wear to the movie. she was waiting for me to put her hair in braids before we walked out the door. as i start to do her hair, my phone rings. it is the school number. weird. why would they be calling back? i answer and the nurse tells me that she had "changed her mind" and that "i should have made her appointment for the beginning of the summer and that i had had three months to do it." ok...so while all that is technically true...i had, in fact, made the appointment in time and furthermore...it is my right to make the appointment when i want...as long as it is before the first day of school. she gave me phone numbers for clinics that i could try.

i get aiden's hair braided and on the way to the movie, i call the clinics. no answer. i call my doctor's office and they tell me to try the HEB rediclinic. so, i call chad and ask him to look up the number and to keep trying to find a place while i am in the movie with aiden. i take a deep breath...convincing myself that i will not let the possibility of aiden having her first day of kindergarten a week late affect my enjoyment of our special date. aiden takes my hand and skips as i walk to the ticket counter. "hi...one adult and one child for ramona and beezus please. (smile)" and then the weird, speaker sounding voice says, "yeah...we stopped showing that movie here. yesterday was the last day." i said, "what??? it just came out. why did you stop showing it?" the speaker girl replies, "don't know."

at this point, i had no other option but to call chad and completely over react by telling him that this is the worst day of my life. i also tell him that maybe God was helping us and that instead of sitting in the movie, we should go track down a place to get these immunizations. chad calls the rediclinic and i try the other clinics as i make my way toward home. chad calls back and tells me that HEB has them but that the wait is an hour and a half. and why, exactly would i expect anything less at this point? so, we hurry in and get in line. it is around this point that aiden realizes that what started out as her special movie date with mommy somehow ended up in no movie, no popcorn or coke, and her getting two shots.

she was the best dressed kid in the clinic though. poor darlin.

aiden's antics

she's witty. i'll give her that.

it's really interesting to see how the kids differ in their comedic stylings. colt...smart humor. chase...innocent humor. aiden...witty. she's coming into her own these days. she used to sit back and graciously let "her boys" get the attention and the laughs, all the while learning and tweaking and forming her own style. she is one of those that doesn't waste a line. she doesn't use them lightly.

just the other night, at dinner...(where i'm convinced is where you will find some of the most entertainment from them)...chad was reading knock knock jokes out of a joke book. after going through a few too many as far as i was concerned, the kids started in with them too. i said, "ok...that's enough." aiden started to tell another one and chad looked at her and, not asking the question, but more ordering her, "why don't you eat." aiden...not missing a beat...replies, "why don't you eat who?" and then giggled her i-just-said-something-that-you-have-no-other-option-but-to-laugh-at-it giggle. soooo...we did.

tonight, she looked up to the sky, put her hand in the air as if worshiping, and prayed in her most serious tone, "please God...please let me be able to use the force." i said, "did you just pray to God to be able to use the force? like from star wars?" yep. that was pretty much what she was asking.

this was more funny, like, you will laugh later and not funny, haha. she came out of the bathroom, sat down at dinner, started eating and said..."mom...i have to tell you something that i don't want to tell you. my bracelet fell off in the toilet and i reached my hand in and got it. but i washed my hand and my bracelet." i just looked at her and crossed my fingers and said, "was there pee pee in the toilet?" she gave me a silent stare. yep. there pretty much was. i did re-wash her hands, and it's a good thing. when i went into the bathroom to clean the sink knobs, and...well...pretty much everything else that she could have touched...i realized there was no soap. sweet pete.

a love (short)story

i never will blog about chad being out of town when he is actually out of town. he was in cuba the week before last for a little over a week. i was a little worried about this trip because of a menagerie of reasons, one of them being that i knew we would have no communication. i would have been hard-pressed to get in touch with him if my life depended on it...which is just a bit un-nerving being at home with 4 kids by myself. we made it though! and there was only 1 night out of all of them that i thought i could possibly "lose it" and that was due to an unfortunate lock-the-keys-in-the-car-stranding-us-away-from-home-for-several-hours incident.

*

i realized about half way into the trip that it wasn't just hard on me anymore. colton is not a naive kid and he finally voiced his concern about chad's safety in a place like cuba. he knew that he could get in trouble for training church planters over there and worried about things like him "being captured" and persecution and even him being killed for what he was doing. that was a very adult conversation that i wished had been had before chad left and made me realize that the knot in my stomach was also in colton's.

*

colton missed his dad. he said, "he's my best friend, mom. and i miss him a lot." there were several nights that i tucked him in and had to wipe his tears and whisper reassurances. i wanted to say, "he's my best friend too, and i miss him and need him more than you could ever imagine." but i didn't feel like he was capable of taking on my burden, concerns, and loneliness too. my weakness would have to be saved for another time. chase wanted dad too. he wanted him when he couldn't get the lego ship just right or when he knew he would normally be scratching his back during tuck in time. aiden wanted her prince. she wanted him around 5:00 when he normally comes in and rescues his maiden from whatever it is she needs rescuing from. she missed his bedtime prayers and scruffy beard cheeks. annslee knew he was gone. she knew that the manly smelling, dark bearded, tender faced calmness was not holding her when she woke in the night anymore. she knew that he wasn't the one who was gently dressing her after her bath each night. i believe a few of her cries where due to wanting him and not knowing where he was and if he was coming back for her. and me? i missed him for all of their reasons, as well as my own. i missed knowing he was coming home. i missed his voice. i missed his calming influence on my racing thoughts. i missed him when i had to feed the frogs live crickets. i missed his smell. i missed him when it was dinner and bath time. i missed his opinion. i missed his help. i couldn't wait to see him.

*

i thought i was getting used to his long trips away, but i suppose i'm not. you would have thought he had been gone for months. i don't know if it is the 4 kids...one being a baby thing, a hormone due to nursing thing, or what? but none-the-less, that's how it felt. we knew he was supposed to get in tuesday night and i woke up that day in preparation mode. i was going to get the house picked up so that he would come home to comfort. i was going to get myself ready for him...as if he was picking me up for a date like he did 11 years ago. i headed to the store to get what i wanted to make for him for dinner and desert around 10 am. while i was there, i got the first text since he flew out from him that said he was getting ready to board his connecting flight in cancun and that he would call as soon as he landed in houston. i was super excited to be able to text him back and told him to save his appetite because i was at the store as we spoke getting stuff for a big meal. he replied with, "at target...folding in clothes purchases again? :)" we bantered back and forth and i told him that i was at kroger...being very sensible and only buying what was necessary...thank you very much. we were texting the whole time i was at the check out and i made a special point of telling the checker that i was sorry that i was texting while she was serving me, but that my husband had been in cuba for over a week and that i had not been able to communicate with him until just then. he said that he was signing off and that he would see me that night. i loaded my cart with my groceries and walked out of the store, stopped and was in the middle of texting him back to be careful and that i loved him when i heard a "hey." i looked up and there he was!!! he had caught an early flight, and had pulled up to the store and rolled down the window and was watching me text him back. i dropped my jaw and pushed my basket out of the way and ran to him. i even felt some of those butterflies that had been sleeping, wake up and start fluttering around in my stomach.

*

he followed me home and i walked in the backdoor and told the kids that i had brought them home a surprise from the grocery store. they closed their eyes...expecting popsicles, and when they opened them..........daddy was home.

upgrade

my skin care regimen has been upgraded from washing my face with whatever is available...commonly, these:

to this:

to hopefully avoid any more of these:

actually, this picture was taken after i had been using my new "stuff" for about a month. i really wish i had a before picture. one of the selling points for the product is a picture of cindy (we are on a first name basis now) at 28, when she started using the product and then a picture of her now (at 43). both are untouched and little to no makeup. her skin looks better now and there is really no aging signs. i do realize that this could be good genes, but i do believe that if you take care of something...it stays in better shape. the skin is an organ...just like the heart. and there were a lot of other example people that were not super models.

let me back up. i was truckin along just fine...focused on having babies and taking care of everyone, except myself, and then i turned 35 and all of a sudden the laugh lines, and crows feet decide to settle in for a nice long stay. i had been thinking for a while now that i should really take better care of my skin and that the baby soap and dial were probably not really going to cut it for the long hall. and low and behold...i saw an infomercial. it said that i could look like cindy crawford!! now...it could be my hormones, my insecurity about the new crow's feet, or just plain stupidity...but i fell for it hook, line, and sinker. i recorded it, made chad watch it with me, and then promised that if i didn't look like cindy crawford in 1 month...i would cancel and get my money back. *wink* i checked my porch every day waiting for the miracle to arrive and when it finally did, i wasted no time in starting the program. (it even has a cream for the decollete. i had never even heard the word decollete before!! but let me tell you...i need help in the decollete area!!) i can honestly say that i hoped my new skin care regimen didn't make one bit of difference because then i could go back to my whateverisclosetothesinkwhenistarttowashmyface plan. BUT, it has honestly made a huge difference in my skin. not that i don't have ANY crow's feet, but my skin is clearer, tighter, and brighter...and i feel good about it. and i'm working on feeling good about 35.

cont...

buzz is hangin' on. literally.

buzz and woody

i have never liked reptiles or amphibians. ever. i remember as a little girl, i was riding my bike home from swim team practice one morning with my friend, and two boys (one of which i had an innocent crush on) chased us down and threw a lizard at us. and wouldn't you know that the thing attached itself to my sleeve and i screamed and hollered and started flailing all over the place trying to get it off. it's a wonder i didn't fall off my bike and seriously hurt myself because of that dumb lizard and even dumber boys. all that is beside the point.

my sweet chase loves frogs. they have been his very favorite since he could talk. favorite color green...favorite animal frog. it's just always been that way. he specifically likes the red eyed tree frog. a few years back, santa did the best he could and brought chase 2 Australian tree frogs for christmas. santa didn't fully understand that the frogs would need a diet of live crickets, weekly tank cleaning, water spritzing twice daily to simulate the rain forest and serious temperature control. all of this is worth it for sweet chase of course. santa left a note that chad was going to have to be in charge of the cleaning of the tank and anything involving live crickets. chase and i could handle the spritzing. of course...it can't be tap water. we wouldn't want the frogs drinking plain tap water. even though it is good enough for us humans!! isn't that just like pet stores and their pamphlets?? uh...i mean santa?? making you feel like you need to treat the animal better than your own flesh and blood?? anyhow...the whole point is, one of the frogs is in trouble. they started out close to the same size...but now, one of them (buzz) is still tiny and one of them (woody) is obese. the tiny one (buzz) is obviously sick. he is brown and not moving hardly at all, won't eat...even when the cricket is right in front of it, and is generally not acting like a frog should act. this all happened about 7 months ago as well, and we rushed the tank into the warm laundry room and all gathered in the tiny room for a chase lead prayer service. and wouldn't you know...God performed a miracle and that little frog bounced back from near death just like chase prayed! well...this time it happened while chad was in cuba this past week and i am seriously worried. everyone has gone into high alert mode and i even called my brother over to assess the situation. yesterday, i went and got buzz a new tank, and his own water dish. they said to separate the two frogs because the obese one is probably stressing out the little one and eating all the crickets. so we have done that and moved buzz downstairs to keep a closer eye on him. i called chase in to pray for him. this time he nonchalantly prayed for buzz to "have a good day." i didn't have the heart to tell him that that ship had already sailed. i have found myself praying for another miraculous healing for this little frog many times throughout the day. i've never liked frogs. but i love chase. and chase loves frogs. so i think that me feeling so much for this little frog can be blamed on some sort of algebra equation. you know? if a + b = c, then................well...i end up loving frogs too.

a collection of kid quotes

a couple of weeks ago, chad was using the hose outside. when the hose is on outside...it sounds like a cow is dying inside. the kids and i were in the kitchen and after a while, even they were getting annoyed by the noise. all of a sudden aiden blurted out, "i wish daddy would turn that thing off...it's getting on my nerds!" i replied with, "it's getting on your what?" and she said very loud and very plainly, "MY NERDS!" then chase said, "i'll tell you something that is putting on my nerds......" at times like this...i should probably correct them, however...i didn't.

when i was cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes, i walked away from the sink to grab a dirty dish off the cabinet. i left the water running. it was somewhat of a surprise when chase calmly told me to "please not waste the water." i was too tired to argue or defend myself...so i just said, "ok." he stood there a little longer watching me rinse the dishes and finally said, "mom...after you bathe your dishes, i want to show you something." i chuckled. to him...if there is water and soap involved...it's a bath.

a couple of days ago...i had to get out of the house. we had been couped up for days and with no end in sight...i made the call to go do something different...something we had never done before. my mom and grandmother were visiting and i thought going to a fresh fruit and vegetable farm would be fun. and the kids would see the crops and get to pick out the fresh fruits and veggies for dinner that night. surely this would sound fun to them. i stood up, and excitedly declared, "who wants to go to a farm today?" annslee looked at me with wide eyes...but my 9, 7 and 5 year old didn't even turn their heads from their ds games. i stood there a couple of seconds longer, thinking that maybe they hadn't heard what i said. that thought was interrupted by colton...head still buried in his game, saying, "yeah.....i'm not really in the "farm" mood."

we went anyway. then we cooked up a storm. then we ate, and ate, and ate to the sound of good music and lots of laughter around the table, where a.j. decided that she liked fresh sweet potatos and fresh pinto beans....and that she loved her grandaddy.

my favorite baby in her favorite pj's

who doesn't love a freshly bathed baby with a scrunchy nosed smile in cute, cuddly pajamas?

and the tiny flowers...well those are a bonus.

story random

i'm not really a big "fashion" poster. however...i have to take a moment to welcome back the best piggy tail holder ever. i have a "thing" about hair. i can't stand to not do aiden't hair. i probably come by it naturally, as my mother would NEVER let me out of the house without my hair done. i even had to sleep on those foam pink rollers. i don't make aiden do that...lucky for her, strait hair is in these days. i just have this standard for myself that, as a mom, it is my responsibility to do her hair until she can do it herself. plus...i like doing it. why send her out with stringy, tangly, unbrushed hair when it only takes a few extra minutes to fix it. and let me say here...before i get a z snap from someone...that if she had a really sensitive head or was one of those kids that wanted to fix her own hair, i would let her. but she likes for me to do it, she chooses what style she wants, and it makes her feel special and cared for. so that's what we do. a lot of our do's involve piggy tail holders and i typically use the tiniest clear ones. however, if it's holding more than the end of a braid, they generally end up loosening by the end of the day, which drives me nuts. i've often wished that they would bring back the one's my mom used in my hair because they hold tight and don't slip. AND...BONUS...they hold a ribbon in place and keep it from slipping too. so, without further ado........WELCOME BACK, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS!

if you don't want the knobs to show, just attach them under the piggy. i did that with the one straggler i had left all the way through high school dance team.

i'm not into crafts. i'm crafty...well, a little...but the end result doesn't usually make up for the mess. we did make summer bracelets though. it was pretty fun and the threatening about dropping the beads on the floor worked. sorta. chase did pick up the necklace aiden made for me before i got it tied off and about 100 beads bounced all over my kitchen...but that was after the craft was technically over. i loved how it showed their individual tastes in color. mine has a bead for each kid. black for colt (he chose); green for chase (of course); pink-ish for aiden; and purple for a.j. i don't know what's up with my hand in this picture. i look like the crazy, hulk man. note to self.....lay off the p90x. :)


this picture was to capture a favorite summer game. they love, love, love to dress up and act out a story. especially chase and aiden. i will be shocked if chase does not end up in some form of entertainment. and he can put a costume together out of just about anything. it's a real talent. and source of entertainment. here they are playing "james bond vs. the villain, punkin brewster. (the other day, my mother happen to tell chase of my deep love, and somewhat obsession over punky brewster as a child. don't ask.) so, when creating his villain...he created punkin brewster. creative........right?? colton just needed to be in the picture to show off his new glasses. boy do they make him look older.

well...that was a whole lot of story random. it's the kind i do best.

basketball, movies and the pool

i love when ordinary days turn into memories. this morning, we all went to colt's basketball game at the y. chad was asked by someone who works there if he would coach a boy's team that was without a coach. it happened to be a team of 9 year olds with 1 slot left. so...even though it's not his "turn" to play a sport...he is. i love, love, love watching chad coach. it's not just because he is my husband that i say this...everyone says it. he really is good. i always tell him that i wish he could be a coach professionally because he loves it too. this morning, one of the other moms from our team said, "you must be the coaches wife" as i carried in annslee on my hip with aiden and chase by my side. i said, "yep! how did you know?" she said, "we knew he had four kids...and no one else around here has that many kids!!" i ended up knowing her from high school, which was nifty...but that's beside the point. colton is a pretty good ball handler, and he decided to show that off today with a fancy between the legs dribbling maneuver at the top of the key. my favorite part of the game was watching chad "handle" that situation. colt sat the bench for a little bit after that. he had told me before they left for the game that he had a special surprise for me during the game...and that's what it was. after the game i whispered, "that was great...but maybe we should reserve those types of skills for when you're in high school. or on the playground."

then, colt and i decided last minute to go see the karate kid. it was a good flick...but my favorite part was when colton held my hand when we were walking into the theater. he wasn't even embarrassed...which helped me to see the little boy that is still there. and boy do i love that little boy.

then, we went swimming at the club this evening and ate dinner at the cabana there. i was trying to convince the boys to let me fly them off my shoulders...but they were too scared. so i told chad to come fly me. he did...and lets just say that my sailing through the air didn't quite have the same "flare" that it used to. my form wasn't quite what it used to be...and my swim suit placement was questionable...and i ended up with water in my nose and hair in my face...which didn't really scream "fun and games" to the kids. in fact, colt's exact words were..."that doesn't really seem safe mom." i sputtered out..."oh no...it's super fun" in between coughs and wheezes. i don't think they believed me. we didn't do that anymore. and i tried to avoid eye contact with the life guard after that.

i love it when days that start out with no plans end up being one of the most fun.

it's pouring rain...and other stuff

this afternoon, it was raining. shocker. i assumed the swim lessons would be cancelled, but it was just sort of sprinkling and passing then sprinkling again. so...none of this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants stuff like usual; i was calling the y to get the scoop before we traipsed up there like a carnival act. (that's what i assume my brother calls me behind my back. he thinks having 4 kids is nuts and that my house is a circus.) anyway...they said that as long as it wasn't thundering that they would still have them. i called again...15 minutes before the lesson started because it was sprinkling and they said that they were. so, i went and woke up annslee from a very sound sleep and there we went. i got a chair, wiped it down, folded the towels for me to sit on, hung my purse and the diaper bag on the iron fence, got the kid's flip flops under my chair, and folder their shirts neatly in the chair next to me, got puddie's pappy out for her, and breathed a sigh of relief as the kids started towards the pool and annslee sat happily on my lap. now, when i say that all of a sudden, the sky parted and a massive down poor began in a matter of 30 seconds...i'm not exaggerating one bit. the life guard blew the whistle before the kids even got in the pool and chairs began blowing in and people started scampering everywhere. we grabbed everything is a very unorganized manor and made it inside and watched it blow over. the lesson only started 15 minutes late. at one point i think puddie asked why i woke her up for that.

we got home...(in the rain)...and colt showered while i bathed chase and aiden and then annslee. i got annslee ready for bed and fed her. then i began making dinner for the kids. they begged for pancakes, which was fine with me because chad was not coming home until late. so, i was busy making pancakes and decided to make fruit smoothies to go with them. i filled the blender with frozen fruit, vanilla yogurt and milk. aiden likes to stand on a little stool by the cabinet and watch me work. so, she was freshly bathed and in her pj's...standing there watching. i picked up the blender to go put ice in it, and i swear to you that what happened next actually happened and is not out of a hannah montanna episode. right as the blender was passing over aiden, the bottom fell off and every bit of it's contents fell out right on top of her head. sticky yogurt milk was covering her, covering the floor, covering the island, dripping all in the silverware drawer...the cabinet...into the mixing bowls and measuring cups stacked in the cabinet...the rug...etc. etc. etc. we both froze. aiden has never been in so much shock. this is where i had nothing left to do but close my eyes, look to the sky, and begin clicking my heels together. "there's no place like home...there's no place like home..." well...in my case..."there's no place like anywhere else other than my kitchen." i stopped the flooding and took aiden and bathed her again. then it took me 30 minutes or more to clean up the mess. by the time the kids sat down to eat...you can imagine my response when colton said that the smoothie didn't taste very good. as soon as i put the first bite of pancake in my mouth, chase spilled some of his smoothie. he felt really bad and kept apologizing. that's ok chase. mommy spilled a little smoothie too. i cleaned up chase's little mess and sat down to eat again. several minutes later, colton spilled his entire smoothie. i cleaned that up and then sent them all to bed. now i feel guilty. and tired.

so tell me. what do you do when you have "those kind" of days?

4th of july with uk and kansas

we have a boy scout that lives next door...so our street is lined with american flags

the perfect backdrop for our first 4th of july picture

uk and kansas brought pop pops, black cats, and sparklers

my young man is ready to play

i love when i get "that's so them" pictures
that's so chase!

sweet pea and her magic wand

due to a common spit up incident...puddie is out of her red, white, and blue...although still goes with our family color palate.

the sweetnesses with uk and kansas

sweet pea and puddin pie

annslee's 6 month picture

(actually taken closer to 7 months)

aiden's 5 year picture

sisters
(i had reservations about having their picture taken without the boys. however...i have one of the boys around the same ages that is similar that i love so much...so i decided that they could hang together and that it would be ok. and i think they will be glad they have it.)

i thought this shot was so sweet. they captured how annslee looks at her big sister with such aw and admiration...and how sweetly aiden looks at her little sister. i just love it.

*i do realize that taking pictures of pictures is kind of sketchy...but since we don't have the monetary funds to buy pictures for everyone...this is the best i can do. plus...who wouldn't want to see these sweet shots of our precious kittens?

*summer goal: get individuals of the boys and also brother shot and all four of them together. this my be more of a fall goal...shen chase turns 8 and annlsee is turning 1.

(that was more of a note to self.)

this week

it's been raining here for days. this hurricane alex fella is really making quite the impression. it directly hit mexico, and colton is quite confused on how we are getting so much rain from it. it's putting a kink in our summer schedule. we were supposed to be at the pool on tuesday...but it was cloudy and thundery. then we were supposed to be at the pool on wednesday...but it was rainy. then we were supposed to be at the pool this afternoon...but it was hurricane alexy from afar. so, i could tell the kids were getting bored when i saw colton and aiden this afternoon. i was sitting in the living room, talking to my brother on the phone when colton sneaks through...(unaware that i am even there)...in a white t-shirt, gray track pants, a black leather cowboy vest that he wore when he was 2, a blue indiana jonesish sun hat (gap; circa 1991), and a mickey mouse cell phone. i watched as he tip toed by and then did a double take when aiden shortly tip toed through after him with a kitty cat mask, black fluffy tail, while waving a sword.

i don't know.

i really wish i had it on video because it was one of those moments where i needed chad in the room so that i could ask him if i just saw that right. but...as it is, you will have to take my word for it.

speaking of video...if i could figure out how to get them to upload onto blogger (i tried multiple times earlier and i don't know why it's not working) you would see colton looking super cute in his new glasses! he just got them today and he keeps telling us what time it is. apparently, he couldn't see the clock before...something we obviously didn't know.

and lastly...but not leastly, chase learned how to ride his bike without training wheels!!!! that little love bug is pretty proud of himself. i'm not ready to turn him loose to the streets just yet. we still have to remind him to look where he's going instead of at our proud faces. :) and he really only likes to go in a straight line...so he's a one-way ride for now.

and that is this week, at a glance.