WELCOME SWEET LOVE

annslee james clarkson

weighing 6 pounds 1 oz.

and 17 1/2 inches long

sweet love

i'm not just resting. i'm dilating.

so, my regular doctor's appointments are on thursdays, and that is also when i change weeks. however, yesterday i had to go in for a nurse visit to get the B12 shot due to being anemic...(which just gives my mom and dad the ability to give me a big "i told you so" on my need to consume red meat...which i haven't done in 16 years.) because of us almost going into the hospital this past saturday night (woke up in the the middle of a hard contraction at 1:19 am and then they were every 5 minutes until around 4:45) they decided to "check" out the situation. i was somewhat in shock when she said, "ummm...you're dilated to 3 and 60% and the baby's head is right here coming through the cervix...you won't have to push at all. i'm not even sure you'll make the appointment on thursday."

excuse me???? did you say 3? did you say it's going to happen so fast that the next time i start contracting, we need to "get there"? did you say something about sitting on towels? did you say that by this time next week, we would have a baby?

i don't feel so bad about resting now. it's called preparation.

jedi training

birthday party down. now it's time to have a baby.

for the faithful readers, prayers, and "good deal" leather bag lovers

i must be up and around more...as the blogs have slowed down. sorry faithful readers, (if i have any.) bed rest officially ended at my doctor's appointment last thursday. she said...and i quote..."you can do whatever you feel like doing." well...alright then. does that mean whatever my brain feels like doing (going shopping and taking a much needed jog to get the muscles in my legs to wake from their 10 week hibernation slumber) or what my body feels like doing (which is more lounging on the couch)? as we approach this week's appointment, i find myself hoping for a "dilated to 3" status. i was a full 1 last week, so i figure with all the work i've done, (and by "work" i mean walking at a snail's pace at target, followed by soaking in a hot tub, followed by getting my swollen feet rubbed by my, oh so patient and understanding hub) that is not too much to ask. let's face it. at this point, i just want to know that almost 1/3 of the work is already done.

on "a boy who loves star wars" note, chase's birthday party is this weekend. he has been saying for months that he wants a darth vadar cake...which normally would be an acceptable challenge for me. however, in my delicate...and increasingly uncomfortable condition...i'm not sure a 3-D version is in the cards. after researching online and realizing that to make this concoction i would be on my feet for like 3 days straight, leaning over the kitchen counter, up to my swollen hair follicles in black icing...i came up with a plan. and it's called the "have chad pick up an inexpensive darth vadar mask to slap on top of a sheet cake" plan. i tell myself that this is okay, due to the "condition" i am currently in and that chase will think it is the coolest that he will get to wear his cake and eat it too. if you are the praying kind...please (at this moment because i know if not now, you will forget) pray for no rain so that i don't end up with his entire 1st grade class in my house and that the jedi training course that chad has planned can actually take place outside where it belongs. somehow, the light saber training and destroy the death star game won't have the same "affect" in my living room.

and an update on the "wish" post from last time...i got a bag for annslee's lovelies that i think is pretty lovely and it was only $16 dollars. which is a good thing, considering we got down the infant carrier to clean up this weekend and the button the you push to adjust the straps to fit the baby is totally broken. the plus? a stylish, new and improved, very girly car seat for the baby sister. graco...how much of my money do you have? and are you a part of some conspiracy that i should be aware of?

wish

is this bag not the most delicious bag you have ever seen? i came across it through a random blog that had a link to another random blog that had them featured. it just so happens that i have been in the market for a new diaper bag for annslee...okay. actually for me. (but it would be holding all of her loveliness.)...over the last several days. i have looked at places such as tj max, ross, and target. i have focused on these places because they happen to be the only places i was in and seemed to follow our budget. however...i found nothing. until now. unfortunately this little piece of perfection, although would make the perfect diaper bag, does not meet the price criteria...at roughly $250. annslee's lovelies will have to find another place to be toted.

33 weeks

as long as everything goes according to plan, (aka: the test that predicts labor comes back negative), the doctor says that bed rest will be officially over in 1 week. to think, 8 weeks back, i thought the day would never come. she is actually letting me get up 1 week earlier than what she originally said, and i'm not sure why...but i'm not questioning her!!

we have all been instructed to get flu immunizations this year. aiden and i got the raw end of that stick because we were the only two that had to get the injection instead of the nasal mist. she couldn't because she had received her 4 year immunizations only weeks prior to getting it and i couldn't because i'm pregnant. oh well...it's over and i'm glad it's done. i went to walgreens today to get mine and there was a plus side to this little excursion...and they are called PUMPKIN CANDY CORNS! that's right. they had just put them out on their seasonal isle and i treated myself to 2 bags. i was chomping on one when the pharmacist came out to give me my shot. she said, "whatever gets you through." 1/2 a bag later, i have a bit of a tummy ache. although to my defense, chad ate 2 and aiden ate 2. so i only ate 1/2 a bag minus 4. and i like to tell myself that they probably ate more than that and i just don't know it. i'm gonna have to slow up on the pumpkin candy corns. although...not today. it's the first bag of season, and i'm supposed to be gaining weight anyway...therefore, it doesn't count.

(disclaimer: this post contains a fair amount of rationalization.)

chairs, lunchboxes and trains

i am sitting in my chair...(and i do think it has become MY chair, with all the sitting i've done in it over the last 6-7 weeks)...and the kids are all chomping on their pretzel snacks while we wait, patiently, for chad to get home. i am passing the time by looking online for creative lunchbox ideas because...let's face it...after 2 weeks of school, they are already tired of the same, boring sandwich, snack, fruit, and juice box filled lunchboxes. i am also listening to them show each other, excitedly what shape or number they just made with their pretzel. nothing too exciting. then aiden gets a confused look on her face and puts her hand on her throat and says, very seriously, with furrowed eyebrows..."my throat feels like i ate a train. only i haven't ate a train."

we all just kind of pause and look at her. nobody says anything...we just kind of look at her while she looks at us...because how do you really respond to a statement like that?

all about colton, chase, aiden and annslee

my new philosophy is to enjoy the tranquil and quite days until this baby is born. today is the first day that i have had totally alone since last year on tuesdays and thursdays when the boys and aiden were all in school. aiden spent the night with granna and grandaddy last night since i had an 8:30 doctor's apt this morning. i came home and chad left shortly after that for work. i have just been enjoying my pumpkin spice frap, no whip and a tall glass of water since then. i have been able to chat with a friend and just enjoy the morning. i started thinking that i should enjoy it while it lasts.

on to the doctor's apt. i was worried at first because i had lost a pound and did not grow any since my last apt, however the ultrasound put me at ease. i may not have grown, but our baby girl has! she is weighing in at close to 4 pounds and her measurements changed her due date to october 24th, which is my birthday. that also moves her from the smallish 17th percentile to the 45th. i like to think of that as just a gentle, little rub on the back and a wink from God...letting me know that i was doing good work at growing this baby and that he is keeping her exactly where she should be. if i have annslee when i had aiden, it would make it october 7th...so anythime after that, i'll be one happy individual!

aiden annee-grace starts preschool on tuesday. she is very excited and ready to be with some friends. she is also ready for her little sister. every day she tells me something else she is going to teach her.

the boy's have been in school since this past tuesday and on thursday night, chase came down to our room at 2:30 and announced that he had thrown up in his bed. i must confess that this was a rough night. i can't thank God enough for giving me chad for a husband. he jumped up, got chase in the tub and started getting all the sanitizing under way. i went upstairs to assess the damage and started making laundry piles. unfortunately, we had some stuffed animal casualties due to him having about 28 of them in his bed with him. i was trying to help although moving kinda slow. chad, very sweetly and gently told me to go lay down and that he would take care of all of it. he did...and i was able to go behind him and spray everything with lysol or bleach and then he did a thorough cleaning after that.

i have been on my knees, (figuratively...i'm sure the Lord understands how hard it is for me to actually get on my knees) begging that whatever it was would not spread to the other kids and to chad and i. i'm really trying hard to not stress about all the potential threats this season to all pregnant women. every time i turn on the tv, i'm hearing about how dangerous this flu situation is this fall for pregnant women and their babies and how i'm supposed to stay away from public places and people who come in contact with it. and, i'm also hearing how bad the flu already is in the schools here. i explained to the school nurse my situation and she said that she would let me know as soon as it is on their halls, but i can't help but be apprehensive. this, evidently, is not the best season to be pregnant. the nurse also told me to get the regular flu vaccines for the kids now...so they are getting them next week. i will just keep praying. we are all in God's hands, right? i need to keep reminding myself that they are very capable ones.

meet the teacher...

...could have been a scene out of meet the parents as far as i'm concerned. at my last appointment, i got special permission from the doctor to be able to go up to the school today for "meet the teacher." i explained that as long as i wasn't putting the baby at risk, there was no way that i could send my other, bigger babies to school without knowing who their teachers were, being able to talk with them in person, finding out where their classrooms were, and making sure that they felt comfortable with the situation. yes...chad could have done this on his own, but there are just some things that a mom wants to be a part of. annnnnnddd...maybe a little of me wanted to make sure that the teachers understood "the situation" and that if the kids talk about their mom being at home on the couch, they didn't picture a woman in a moo moo, watching soaps and eating bon bons with her hair in those old fashioned, pink, foam curler things.

so...off we go.

now, it was no secret to us that there was one teacher that colton did not want to get. this is not a reflection on the teacher, mind you...but the common knowledge that this man was very outgoing and loud and had the kids get up and dance on occasion. for my little shy guy...this was not appealing. i made the choice to let it play out and told him that the chances of him getting in this particular class were slim and not to worry. but all summer long, whenever we would talk about this year...he would say, "i just hope i don't get "mr. so and so." on friday, chad took the kids up to the school to see the class lists. i was on the phone with colton when he walked up and made the discovery that sent him into a tailspin of worry for the next 2 days. he got mr. so and so. and to top that off...he did not know one kid in his class.

we had long conversations over the weekend about how sometimes the things that we are most afraid of end up being the things that are the most meaningful. that was then translated into...sometimes the teachers that we are most afraid of in the beginning, end up being our favorites. this seemed to put him in better spirits until this morning. he was so nervous that he had a stomach ache. i pulled him close as we walked from the parking lot into the building and said, "don't worry. you've got this in the bag." chase...who never meets a stranger...or someone he doesn't like, was not worried at all. he was super excited to meet his teacher...and his allotted time to do so came first. after hugging his new teacher, hugging his friends in his class, and attempting to get the snake out of the display case, we headed to the other side of the tracks...known as the upper elementary side of the school. however, colton's teacher, mr. so and so was walking down the hall. colton said, "there's mr. so and so. he overheard colton say his name and said very friendly and outgoing like, "hey colton! you're in my class this year." colton was so nervous that he didn't say a word. however, chase did. he ran up to mr. so and so and pointed at him and said...very loudly i might add, "yeah...only he really didn't want to get you for a teacher."

you know when things start going in slow motion...and you open your mouth but nothing comes out except for a little squeaky noise...and you realize that there is no way to salvage what just happened...and all you want to do is run? well...that about sums it up. mr. so and so handled it with great dignity, especially since there were a ton of other parents and kids standing around who heard this honest outburst from a concerned sibling. as he walked away, i thought, "welp...our work here is done. let's go." however, we still had to make it to colton's classroom for the "formal" meet the teacher, although i wanted to slink out the door...never to return...making up some excuse about why i needed to home school my oldest instead of send him into the classroom where the teacher knows exactly how he feels about him. meanwhile, chad had a conversation with chase about the need to pretend there was tape on his mouth the whole time we were in mr. so and so's classroom. i'll spare you the rest of the details, but chad and i managed to salvage the situation once we were in there and colton became ok after he found a box of legos in the classroom that all the kids were playing with while their parents were putting there best foot forward for the teacher. i figured i didn't need to do that...seeing as my chaser had already put his in his mouth.

conversations with aiden

i have noticed lately that aiden has become quite the little chatter box. when i was little, my mom used to have to tell me that her ears were tired and needed a break. i now understand what she means. i can't get one of a's questions answered before she asks the next one these days. i don't think that i could have possibly talked as much as she does. (chad would, most likely differ in opinion.)

here is how one of our MANY conversations went tonight:

Aiden: Mommy...take my feet off and turn them around backwards and put them back on.

Me: Why?

Aiden: So that I can walk backwards.

Me: How would I take them off?

Aiden: You could cut them off...then turn them around and put them back on.

Me: How would I get them back on though?

*pause*

Aiden: tape.

who knew?

welp...who knew you could outgrow sweatpants?

i like to tell myself that people are wearing things tighter these days and that all my sweatpants are the "tighter style" and that is why i have suddenly outgrown them and that it is actually a good thing and that it is "all baby" and that these 1 or 3 pair of sweatpants that i can no longer get over my hips are made of a fabric that is way less stretchy than other sweatpants.

however...i am still somewhat annoyed at my sweatpants and have been since i tried to get them on this morning.

and furthermore, all my maternity shirts are feeling uncomfortably snug and the maternity tanks are tight and short and nothing feels comfortable except pajama pants and my sleep shirts. i know i have nowhere to go, but sometimes a girl wants to put on a cute, stylish outfit and it does nothing for my declining mood to have nothing cute and stylish to wear...even if it is to just sit in the chair.

and let me just give a piece of advice to any other pregnant women out there...or anyone who is hormonal for another reason...or just plain annoyed..........refrain from getting long hair cut off. it only makes you cry. and obsessively look at all girls on tv that have the long waves that you used to have.

an update of the serious and not-so-serious kind

the not so serious:

the other day, chase came and sat next to me on the couch and touched my belly. i could tell he was thinking about something. he said, "mommy...i want the next baby you have to be a boy so we can name him obi wan kenobi."

i believe it was that very night that chase came over to the couch and told me he had a secret. i said, "whisper it in my ear." he leaned in close and whispered, "at granna's house, i put a lego head in my mouth. and then i swallowed it. BY ACCIDENT. you can't tell ANYONE."

this morning, aiden was drawing and coloring a picture. i asked her what she was drawing and she said, "a picture of you mommy." i said, "thank you aiden. i want to see it when you are done." a couple of minutes later she said, "mommy...i'm not able to draw a flower in your hair. but i can draw a cookie in it!" i said, "a cookie will be perfect!"

an update of the serious kind:

i had the ultrasound yesterday afternoon and the baby looks good. she was moving around a lot, which the technician said was great. her exact words were, "sick babies don't move." she is measuring 2.5 pounds and that is on the small side. she said that was the 17th percentile and that she is just petite. my fluid level looks good and she said that if there was a problem, my fluid level would, most likely be down. basically, she said that i just have small babies. however, colton was 8 pounds 2.5 oz...so he was no small thing. chase was 5 pounds 11 oz at 38 weeks, so he was small. but he had stopped growing and i had very little fluid when they broke my water with him. aiden was 6 pounds 11 oz at 36 weeks and 5 days, so she was on her way to an average weight. so...all this to say, i'm not sure about all that. i will feel better when i see the doctor and she tells me that she has grown since the last time. at least then i'll know she is thriving in there. needless to say, my mother is now stuffing my face with fat and calories to "grow" annslee. i now have an un-natural relationship with cinnamon powdered sugar donuts.

bed rest quote of the day

-"mom...i want you to get up and just try to run around."

aiden

28 weeks

apparently i've reached some sort of milestone. 28 weeks is a good place to be. at least that's what my doctor said when she greeted me today at my appointment. after waiting forever, and getting quite uncomfortable sitting on what is becoming a tinier and tinier table with nothing but a sheet separating me from the rest God's creation, she decided to grace me with her presence. something about rushing from a delivery, blah blah blah...okay...i guess that was a good enough reason to keep me waiting. it doesn't mean that i wasn't getting super uncomfortable though.

everything "down there" still looks good, however she set up an ultrasound on tuesday because i didn't gain any weight (and i was expecting to have packed on quite a bit due to the ice cream, cookies, brownies, candybars, and sedentary lifestyle) and i'm starting to measure small. they will do measurements on the baby then to make sure she is still growing like she should be. let's just hope she is.

i also got special permission to go lay on my mom's couch. we are going to try and go over there a couple time a week. that'll be like a vacation. maybe i'll have lemonade to drink that day instead of just plain water. with an umbrella. (thanks for the suggestion kara. ;)

my entertainment thus far

there's really not much i can say to add to the above...

after a long time of insisting that he never wanted to ride a bike...the other day, colton announced, "ok...i'm gonna ride a bike today." and he did.

changes...

...they are a good thing.

i was tired of cute-sy bloggery.

now...onto the living room.

this is what happens when you spend a lot of time sitting...and looking...and thinking...and planning.

blog...check.

now...onto the rest of the house.

sorry cute husband...who wears his hat backwards...that i love.

nine...but we are gonna call it 6

the first full week on bed rest wasn't too terrible. i am actually a lot more comfortable than i was. i knew i was hurting...but i didn't know that it was totally caused by activity. when i'm standing up and especially if i'm walking around, the baby falls down into my pelvis and rests on my cervix causing lots of pain and swelling. well...that was getting old, but i thought that i just had to suffer through it and that it was not causing anything dangerous. evidently i was wrong. because since i'v been off my feet, the pressure and pain is gone. i had a dr. appointment yesterday and she said that we were doing everything right. she checked me and said that nothing had changed since she checked me a week ago in the hospital. i will go every week and she will do a fetal fibronectin test every 2 weeks until 32 weeks. if at 32 weeks, it still comes back negative, she said i could maybe get a little more brave because that would take me to 34 weeks. so, instead of looking at it as 10 very long weeks, i am taking this a week at a time. 6 weeks just sounds better than 10 anyway.

we have, what seems to be a very workable schedule going. chad feeds the kids breakfast before he leaves for the office mondays through thursdays. my mom comes at 10 am on mondays and tuesdays and stays until he can get home in the afternoon. on mondays, she does the laundry...even washing and changing the sheets!! i can sit on the couch and help fold...which i actually like doing because i feel like i'm helping a little. on every other tuesday, we have...GET THIS...a sweet lady that is coming to clean the house. this will happen until i get to 36 weeks and can safely do it again!! thanks to miss ann for her name and number and for "loaning" her to us. my sweet mother in law offered to help us in this way and it makes me giddy just thinking about it!! i do love a clean house and i do love the idea of someone else doing it and i do love the idea of it being done on a regular basis!!!! thanks sue! then, on wednesday morning, honey (my sweet grandmother) comes, spends wed night with us and is here on thursdays too. all of my doctor's appointments are on thursday mornings while she is here, so that makes that easier. then, chad is off on fridays, saturdays, and takes the kids to church with him on sundays. i made a breakfast and lunch plan that will remain the same each week, so whoever is here can just look at the fridge and know exactly what the kids are supposed to have to eat without any questions. this also helps chad with the grocery shopping each week. it's basically the same list every week. (not that he doesn't come home with the occasional box of lucky charms that was NOT on the list) then...the other huge help are the dinners that are coming every other night from friends!!!! they don't know how forward i look to the hot meal and especially the visit with them! let's face it...at this point...one of my consistant excitements is "what am i gonna eat next?" :)

so...1 week down and i feel like a pro at sitting.

ten

well...technically 9 and 5 days. i was tempted to tell the whole story...my need to relay details and all...but decided to just go from here. because that's really my little mantra right now. "just go from here."

i have been put on bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. technically, until 36 weeks...(same as with aiden)...when they will take me off and let things happen. the hospital stay was not entirely bad. the bad part...chad being out of town and me really wanting him there with me. the bright side...a little sleep aid known as ambien. anyhow...the facts are:

1. dilated to 1 cm (not super uncommon for a fourth pregnancy at this stage in the game)
2. short cervix (also not uncommon with 4th and how low she is and all the pressure i'v felt since about 12 weeks)
3. 0 station (still unsure about this one...but i'm doing everything i can to keep her up high in my uterus and not on my cervix-short of standing on my head)

hence the bed rest and drinking more water than i thought humanly possible. i think i got up to pee 6 times in the night last night. and that is conservative compared to what it is during the day. i'm allowed to get up to go to the bathroom; take a shower or bath; get my water and a small snack that doesn't have to be prepared. no cleaning, laundry, cooking, carrying kids, going upstairs, etc.etc.etc. this isn't my first rodeo with this arrangement. it happened with aiden at 30 weeks. i was somewhat expecting it this time, but really hoping my body would last. the doctor didn't think i would have trouble when we started talking about having a 4th because we thought it was caused by a virus, fever and dehydration with aiden...so we thought the chances of it happening again were slim. however, i had a feeling a little while back that we may be in the same situation toward the end because of how similar aiden's little sister's pregnancy is to her's. anyway...here we are.

when i first got home from the hospital, i was struggling with being really down and wondering how i was going to lay here for 10 weeks...not because my body felt like getting up and running around the block a few times but because of how lonely you get. that's what i remember from last time. i'm feeling better now. a new week has started and we have a plan in place. a good friend has already put a meal plan in place and my mom and grandmother are on duty mondays through thursday. annslee and i both owe you all.

i intend to keep this updated on a regular basis. after all...i've got some time on my hands!!

9 weeks 5 days and counting...

the new latchkey kids

when i was younger, i remember over hearing adults talk about latchkey kids and even as a child...i knew it was considered a negative or sad thing. i knew that these where the kids that i went to school with who didn't get picked up by a carpool mom friend or walk in to a home filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies and a glass of cold milk waiting for them on the table. these school friends walked home to an empty house, let themselves in, and then were responsible for entertaining themselves until someone arrived home from work that night. i have been thinking about these kids lately and wondering what the people who felt sorry for those kids would think about kids these days. i think we have new latchkey kids. they are the cell phone kids. about a year ago, i started realizing how much time a text here and a phone call there would take away from my kids. i felt like if my cell phone went off...i needed to answer it. what if it was super important or an emergency of some sort. someone was calling. someone was texting. obviously they needed me. i don't want to miss anything. you know what i realized? it was never any of those things. i realized how i could be right with my 3 precious little ones...in the same room with them...but be missing them. when that phone was in my hand...i was disengaged. and i don't even have one of the fancy phones with internet and e-mail and games, etc. etc. etc. that is when i decided that i did not want to miss what my kids were saying to me. i did not want them to see me staring at my phone screen or typing a text or listen to me chit chatting away. i wanted them to see my eyes. i wanted them to see and feel me focusing on them and what they wee showing me or telling me about their day or their circumstances. i wanted to be engaged with them. i decided to put the phone away. it was no longer going to be stored on the table or in my back pocket to ensure that i didn't miss something. it was in my purse. i realized that we do not have to be accessible 24 hours a day. a while back, the staff at our church all got iphones. i can not believe how excited everyone was about this. it was as if it was christmas morning for a bunch of little kids. i heard how much more convenient this will make things. e-mail...enternet...maps...facebook...online poker at your fingertips. whoa!! how did we ever manage before? chad did not get one. we had just re-signed our contract with sprint and it was going to cost as much as the phone to get out of it, so we decided it was not a necessary use of our money or the church's. however, as everyone used their cool, new gadget, chad began to feel like he was missing out. he really wanted this thing. so, we waited until our contract was up and the iphone was much cheaper and he got it. i will admit that there are small ways that having this phone makes certain things like finding a restaurant easier, but i find myself hating it. i have heard it called by other friends of mine "the other woman." i can relate. we had a conversation the other night where chad said that he felt like he was checking out all the time...he wasn't engaged...it was too easy to be distracted by this little piece of technology and all of it's aps (that's iphone talk). i was super proud of him and really excited at the thought of not competing with a phone anymore. he was feeling the same thing i was feeling about my phone a while back. during this conversation, we talked about how if we thought the latchkey kids had it rough from when we were little...how must the cell phone kids feel now. it got me thinking about what the consequences are going to be for the kids who grow up with parents who were always on their phones...whether talking, e-mailing, messing around on facebook, or playing games. i just know that sometimes it feels lonelier to have someone in your presence who is totally disengaged from you than to not have anyone there at all. we don't want our kids to be the latchkey kids of today...that's for sure. at the risk of sounding like some sort of 6 shooter...join us and put your cell phones away.

everyone's just livin' life around here

it's been a little while, hasn't it? this summer has flown by in some ways and has decided to be quite pokey in others. it seems to take a couple of weeks to get used to it being summer. we definitely sleep in...which i loooooovvvve! i also love not having to follow the traditional schedule. for example, we have brunch at 10 am instead of breakfast and lunch. i usually make a big meal...like with eggs, muffins, smoothies, toast, biscuits, cereal, yogurt, and fruit. obviously it is just some combination of all of those things and not all of it every day. anyways, the kids are usually hungry enough to eat it all and then they have a healthy snack at 2 and dinner at 5. it works a lot better than breakfast, lunch and dinner. they eat way better and i don't have to be in the kitchen as much...which i also loooooovvvve!

chad and i went to austin for a couple of days and my parents kept the kids for us. that was fun. we were only back 2 days before we drove the 17 hours to iowa. we were there for 10 days and then we were only back 2 days before chad had to leave for a church planter's training at mark driscoll's church in seattle and his master's work at fuller in california. it would sure be nice to have some sort of relaxing vacation...like in hawaii...for a couple of weeks to end the summer. however, traveling is the opposite of relaxing for me, so even if i was relaxing while i was there (as much as you could relax being in the 3rd trimester of a 4th pregnancy while watching 3 young kids on the beach) i would most likely be stressed and tired again by the time we got home.

i'm trying to muster up the energy each day to do something fun with the kids. i don't want them to be bored. i am taking them to space center houston next week to see all the star wars exhibits, but i'm actually dreading being on my feet the whole time. do you think anyone would notice if i took a lawn chair or something? maybe i can talk my mommy into going with me! :)

kevin is leaving for a european excursion tomorrow. it is weird to think that by the time everyone gets back and settled again, it will be almost time to start school. the plus...closer to baby time! he was telling me of all his plans yesterday...vienna; germany; prague; the beaches of croatia; etc...and i told him of my new and exciting brunch/dinner schedule. i started feeling sorry for myself for a second...thinking that he was really living and i was so hum drum...but then the funniest thing happened: i felt my little, baby girl kick inside me and at that i smiled and thought...now, that's life!

F.S.M.

Colton came up with this title for me and I thought it pretty clever. Last night I found my thrill...and it's called my Favorite Summer Meal. I thought about taking a picture, because it seems that is the big bloggy thing to do when you blog about a meal, however I thought about it a little late...being as my plate was empty. :) It is always a good sign when you sit down to eat dinner with all 5 of us and it is quiet. This is what happened last night. Total silence!! I noticed it right away and looked around to see what the problem was and why I wasn't hearing all the complaints about the meal as usual. I was pleasantly surprised to find everyone chewing and shoveling and focused on their plates. I looked at chad, smiled, and dug in. Here was the menu and a meal that we will be enjoying on a weekly basis this summer:

Turkey Bacon and Light Mayo Sandwiches (I enjoyed 2 fat slices of tomato on mine!! no lettuce please.)

Peaches & Cream Corn on the Cobb

Tomato Slices w/ salt and pepper

Pink Lemonade

It hit the spot and everyone (including the kids) raved that it was the best meal ever and even said that I was the best "cooker" in the world. And everyone knows that's not true!!

Oh yeah...honorable mention goes to Aiden Annee-Grace, who ate 3 ears (is that how you spell that in the context of corn?) of corn. She was covered in butter from head to toe!! It was even in her hair. That... I should have taken a picture of.

we love our sons and daughter.......S!!

the much anticipated ultrasound was today and it's official. we are having another girl!! colton, chase and aiden are quite excited that another sister is on the way. aiden was sure it was a girl from the beginning. when i told her...she smiled and whispered, "i was right."

so...here is where you come in. we know what her name is and each have our favorite spelling...but thought it would be fun to take a vote. what is your favorite spelling of this little girl's name?

1. Ansley

2. Anslee

3. Anslie

4. Ansleigh

5. Anslye

6. Annsley

7. Annslee

8. Annslie

barrettes are for girls

we had a nice, little memorial day weekend. complete with a home improvement project (BOO!)
and swimming (YEAH!).

chad started things off on saturday with a little painting. i'm happy to say that i helped him by dusting the woodwork so that the tape would stick when he went to tape the room off. i used to think that i was good at such projects...the detail of the taping, the edging, the color picking outing...however i find myself getting edged right out of the situation. which is really fine by me because i H-A-T-E painting. being pregnant, i find, is a great excuse to not have to feel guilty about not being around to help. my job was to...like i said...dust the molding and clear everything out of the bathroom before chad got to it. (he had already prepared aiden's new, big girl room.) and i did just that. then...i took the kids to my parents to hang out there for the day in order to leave chad to his masterful work in peace. the smell is not good for me or the kids and the windows needed to be open upstairs. my rules...no windows open upstairs with kids in the house. and...no kids around paint.

he finished it in 1 day and i loved coming home to the finished product. well...almost finished. my jobs also include getting the rooms put back together.

today, we (i) made a picnic lunch and then we took the kids to the pool. they were loving this little outing. we (they) swam a while and then we ate lunch. after getting in the pool to cool off a little, chad and i were able to lounge and watch the kids play. during adult swim, all the kids get in the baby pool. this is where we could have potentially had a problem. chase, true to form was making friends with everyone there and we overheard him chatting with an older boy. i'd say he was about 10 or 11. i heard chase ask him what his name was. i did not hear the boy answer, but did hear chase respond with, "that's a girl name." now, i knew he was not meaning this to be rude...he was legitimately confused. the boy must have said, "what?" because chase repeated himself and i immediately called chad's attention to the potential issue. luckily, the kid just sorta shrugged and went on and luckily they called all swim...so he left the baby pool. i called chase over to us and he was very confused as to why he was being called down. we asked him what he said to the boy. he said..."i said that he had a girl name." chad said, "what was his name?" chase said, "bret." chad said, "that's a boy's name." chase said, "no it's not. it's what aiden wears in her hair. you know. barrette."

i was rolling. seriously stifling the laughter. chad said, "no chase...it's bret. and it's a boy's name." i said, "even if his name was kristen, don't tell an older and bigger kid that he has a girl's name." chase shrugged and said ok and trotted back to the pool. chad and i just looked at each other with big eyes and laughed some more. you really can't argue with his logic.

you spin me right round...

well...the minute i started thinking that i had not had a blog-worthy story in a while, chase comes to my rescue.

we have small group at our house every sunday night, starting at 5:30. my brother, kevin has been having 2-a-days ever since he was put on the fight card for a june fight and decided to take colton to train with him last night. colton had been wanting to go and last night was perfect for him to go watch because it was just kevin, one of his training partners and his coach. colton got to punch around on the bags, learn some techniques and watch kevin in action. however, that left chase and aiden to take care of themselves upstairs during group. normally, we set them up in the movie room and let colton "watch" them and it works out fine. why spend $25 every sunday night on a babysitter when colton can do it? well...chad and i wondered how it would go without colton (the responsible one) to keep an eye on the decision making of the younger ones, but figured we would give it a go. how much trouble could they really get into? this, i have now learned is never really the question...but only a matter of options. they could not be in the movie room because we had been cleaning out the guest bedroom, turning it into aiden's big girl room all day and it was full of holiday bins and gift wrap stuff. so, we put them in pj's, tucked them into the boy's beds and put a special movie on. i told them that they would get to get up after group was over, but to stay there for the movie. "okay," they said. at least i thought they said okay.

about 1/2 the way into group, i started having that mommy instinct that i should go check on them. i hadn't really heard anything...but just had that feeling. i made a mental note to do that at the next lull in the conversation only i heard both of them on the stairs before i had the chance. i met them half way up the stairs and aiden was holding a part of the ceiling fan chain in her hand. she informed me that chase had "broken the fan in his room". chase began explaining the "accident". he said, "i just wanted to hold onto the fan and spin around, but it broke and it was an accident." all the while, he was doing the full body motion of hanging from a ceiling fan while letting it spin him around in the air. i was somewhat in shock that he would actually try this, while also thinking, "why have i not addressed this as a no go before?" i should have known one of them would try it. luckily, when he jumped from his bed, he only grabbed the chains, and not the fan blades...which were spinning at the time. only the chains broke and not the entire fan. i guess the group had heard some of the commotion because when i walked back into the living room, they were just kind of looking at me. i calmly said, "yeah...we need colton to watch them. chase just tried to hang from his fan and spin around." most of the other moms looked at me with their mouths hanging open while the dad's said, "that's awesome!!"

i tossed the fan part to chad and said, "could you please go explain to your son why he can't spin from fans."

not my best afternoon

so, everything was fine until about 2:00. i had left this morning with an agenda. i had to get the boy's to school, get aiden to school, find a nail salon near the south shore area to purchase chase's teacher's b-day gift, get to my (much needed) hair appointment, swing through a drive-through to get lunch, and get back to aiden's school to pick her up in time to get to the boy's school to deliver the b-day gift. no problem.

everything went great until the getting to aiden's school to pick her up part. the freeway was closed and it was stand still along the feeder. glancing at the clock, i figured i would only be about 5 minutes late. no big deal. 5 minutes ended up being 10 and when i got to the school, she was 1 of 2 kids left. i already felt like a criminal at that point. however, it was about to get worse. i rounded the doorway and saw her teacher...ready to go home (if it weren't for the delinquent mom's who don't pick up their kids on time) and she said, "is everything okay?" i said, "yeah...it's just that getting here from the north is impossible with the freeway shut down." she just looked at me and said, "you do realize you missed the mother's day party today." this was more of a statement than a question. i, in complete horror and shock said, "WHAT????" she proceeded to tell me that it had been written in the news letter AND that she had sent an e-mail on tuesday. how could i have possibly missed it? i felt terrible. aiden was playing on the other side of the room and had missed the whole exchange and all i wanted to do was run to her and profusely apologize and tell her that i would buy her a pony to make up for my thoughtless mistake. that's when the teacher said, "yeah...she was 1 of only 3 kids whose mom's didn't come. she was pretty upset." ok. not only was i buying her a pony...but we were now taking a trip to disney world. i called for her and she skipped over to me and said, "mooooommmmmmyyyyyy" in her most loving and happy tone. had she forgiven me? she was talking to me. that was a good sign. i apologized and told her how sorry i was. i started crying like a baby and she said that it was okay. she gave me my presents that she had made which turned the knife in my heart a little more. in the car, on the way to the boy's school, we went over all the details of the party so that we can re-create it at home tomorrow. we are going to the grocery store in the morning to get all the same snacks and paper plates, etc.

fast forward to the boy's school. i delivered the pedicure gift card without a hitch, and checked both the boys out of their classes with only 5 minutes left in the school day. it was at this point that i realized i didn't have my keys. i combed chase's teacher's class...listened to the kids come up with all kinds of stories about who "took" them...and retraced my steps to the office where i thought i may have layed them down. keep in mind that all this traipsing about was happening with 3 kids following me around, just wanting to go home. we got out to the car and i saw them in my purse. through the windows. of the locked car. now...i didn't really feel bad about this because it was my first time to lock the keys in the car and i have driven all over creation rescuing chad from the very same dilemma on multiple occasion. i went and used chase's teacher's phone to call my knight in shining armour to come to our rescue. the conversation went like this:

mindy: "chad...i'm at the school and i locked the keys in the car."

chad: "how did you do that?"

mindy: "oh, i don't know. similar to the way you've done it a bazillion times."

chad: "silence."

we decided that i would start walking home with the kids instead of standing on the curb waiting. he would meet us at home to unlock the house. about 1/8th of the way into the trip, i said, "come on kids! this is like an adventure!!" that's when aiden started screaming that her foot hurt. her new flips had rubbed a blister and it was then that i had to go barefoot in order to convince her that it was ok to go barefoot. about 1/2 way into the trip, we ran into an unfortunate dead rat in the middle of the sidewalk. it was all furry and looked like it was sleeping. only with bugs on it. the kids...just seeing the tale of desperoux, didn't like that. and neither did i for that matter. i told them to walk in the grass to get around it and aiden freaked out about walking in the grass without her shoes. i ended up having to carry her. i couldn't look at that rat another minute. it was then that i decided that this had not been one of my finer afternoons.

confusion at its best

after colton's ballgame the other night, we decided to take advantage of baskin robbin's 31 cent scoop night. never mind that the line was about 30 people deep and wrapped around the store outside...daiquiri ice was back and i was getting some.

the real entertainment came on the drive home from the ice cream parlor...and i do love calling it that. it makes me feel like i live in the early 60's or on the brady bunch or something. we have 2 family shows that we all watch together weekly. the first is dancing with the stars and the second is american idol. in the car...on this particular night, the conversation turned to dwts. aiden was informing us that melissa was out of the competition this week due to "dropping her ribbons." in actuality, she had overheard the announcer speaking of a rib injury and mistaked it for dropping her hair ribbons. when i asked her to clarify, she said, "you know...she lost her bows!" bruised ribs...hair ribbons...same difference. she can't compete.

chase, who is totally and completely fascinated with gilles (all due to the superman dance that he did at the beginning of the season) informed us all for the bazillionth time that he was, in fact going to be like gilles when he grew up and do a dance on dwts and rip open his shirt to reveal a big super S on his chest.

when one is listening intently and is somewhat befuddled by the actual conversation happening between her 3 very unique and entertaining kids in the backseat, you can understand how one may or may not completely tune out what is playing on the radio. it would not be unheard of to not realize that a "questionable" song was playing, rather loudly, throughout the vehicle. it was when it got quiet and i heard...and i quote..."she moves her body like a cyclone. she makes me want to do it all night long," that i turned it off with haste. i then said, "wow...that was a song about the iowa state cyclones," attempting to do damage control. there was a short silence followed by colton saying, "that didn't sound like no fight song to me."

my big little man

so, colton is in the middle of his first season of official little league. you may be thinking...is there really a difference between little league and the parks and rec leagues? let me answer you by saying........"ummm...yeah." i was not initially aware of these difference until shortly after we started. the uniforms are more official; they practice more; they have more games; they have longer games; they had an opening day with a parade; oh...one of my favorites...they have a concession stand; and it is waaaaayyyyy more competitive to name a few. colton is in the dixie league. this is, from what i can tell, when it gets serious. he had to go to try outs where the "scouts" watched him bat, run and field and then "drafted" him to a team.when we got to these tryouts, we saw the pitching machine set up on the pitcher's mound and i thought colt's eyes were gonna bug right out of his head. he said, "i can't hit a pitching machine!!!!" chad was out of town so i had to pretend i knew what i was talking about and walk him through it. well...there was no time for warm up and he got up there and swung at 5, missed 4 and fouled off 1. he's pretty fast...so he had that going for him. and he has a pretty good arm...so his tryout ended with him obsessing about being the worst batter in the world. in the beginning, i complained about how much they were having to practice...it being on a school night...etc. etc. etc. however...the other night made it all worth it. here is how the story goes.

colton has been steadily improving all season and is somewhere in the middle of the batting order. he rarely missed, but he always grounded it mid field somewhere. he had a late game a couple of weeks ago where during both his at bats, he struck out. he was visibly frustrated and developed a less than desirable attitude at home as a result of his "1 game slump". so...here we are at his next game. "get back on the horse." "shake it off." "quick bat." he was feeling in pretty good spirits when i dropped him at the field, annnnd i "accidentaly" left his "unlucky" bat at home. i told the team mom who stays in the dugout with the boys that we wanted him to use another kid's 17 oz bat. (his is 19 oz.) his first at bat, he struck out. uh oh. this is not going to be good. he came up again and tension was high. he was a bundle of nerves and i was yelling from the stands that it was his turn. "you have this, baby." 1 pitch...strike 1. 2nd pitch...strike 2. "come on colton...you can do this!" 3rd pitch...SMACK!! a beautiful line drive down the 3rd base line to the fence!! i could barely contain myself. i was not even embarrassed by my pregnant belly flopping around as i jumped up and down in the stands. everyone went nuts because he knocked in our leading run. as he stopped on second base, he gave the ole' fist pump to the sky and adjusted his batting helmet as if he was biggio, berkman, or bagwell. that won him the game ball that they give out after each game. what a complete thrill!! at his game on friday night, he hit a sailer into the outfield that landed perfectly between the outfielders and then went on to catch a pop fly at 2nd. i think his confidence is back and the "1 game slump" is behind him. i'm so proud of my little ball player. i can still see him, at 4 and 5 years old, practicing for hours in the backyard...glove in hand...pretending it was bottom of the 9th; tie game; he makes the winning play. i remember thinking...i bet that never comes to fruition. who would have known!!

take me out to the ball game. as long as it's colton's.

modesty at 3

the story is about aiden and her modesty at old navy the other day. lately, i have been finding cuter tops in the little girl's department than in the toddler's department. the problem here is that aiden is just turning 4...so she is technically wearing a 4T or a 5T. however...sometimes i get lucky and an xs from the girl's fits her. i wanted to try an extremely cute, 4th of julyish top on her to see if this would be one of the times where we got lucky. we were all the way in the back of the store; there was no one around; and the dressing rooms were all the way on the other side of the store. so, being that she is only 3, i said..."come here and let me slip this on you really fast to see if it fits." i took her top off of her, exposing her torso to no one but the clothes racks and she covered herself up and said, "moooooom...no one wants to see this."

today

today, colton stayed home from school. no...he's not sick. he had a field trip downtown to see a play and he begged and begged to not go. he said that he had never been on a field trip without me and i am not the room mom this year for his class, so i could not go. this was sort of disappointing to me, but then again i was relieved because i have been feeling so crumby. the last place i would want to be is on a hot bus with screaming 2nd graders when the nauseousness hits. and far from home, at that. so...we let him skip it. i know...i know...probably the wrong parental decision, but i really don't care. the boy makes all a's with his eyes shut and one hand behind his back; has all E's in conduct and never misses...so i figure that missing one field trip is not going to tarnish his record. annnnnd...that gives us a good excuse to take the kids to the theater in houston to see broadway's the wizard of oz. i don't know if we will actually get to...because tickets for a family of 5 (and 1/2) are probably ridiculous and not an option...but maybe!!

in other news...aiden has chosen her room. we have 4 bedrooms upstairs. 1...what has always been the nursery and where aiden still is now; 2...a guest room; 3...the boy's room, now that they share; and 4...another guest room that was chase's before they moved in together. so...she got to pick whether or not she wanted to be on the same side with "her boys" or next to the baby. she said that she needed to be with her baby, so indeed...that is where she will be. so...we are in the market for the cutest white day bed and trundle that a girl ever saw. i found one online at jcpenney.com that i l....o....v....e, so i am going there today to see if we can order it. oh...the most important part of this story is that we were not going to be able to get it for her, except for a very sweet, and generous granna and grandaddy offered to get her a bed for her birthday!! so they are getting the bed and we are getting the trundle and i could not be more excited about it.

and chase...he's chase!! i think he is the happiest kid on the planet (unless he is tired or hungry...and then you would think he was possessed). he is at school right now...charming his way out of doing his "cutting with scissors". he hates cutting...and his teacher loves him so that she just lets him skip it. that's chase. and he won that battle without even knowing he was fighting it. he has baseball practice tonight where he will work on his crowd pleasing skills. like running out of the dugout to bat and waving at everyone in the crowd and then after he hits it...waving to the crowd again before he starts running. i mean, getting to first on time is over rated. colton, however believes that every one of his games is a tryout for the majors. every time chase bats...everyone turns around and tells me the same thing..."he's gonna be an entertainer for sure!!" he's entertaining all right. let it be said that those dimples had me at first sight when he was about 15 minutes old. i was his first fan.

lately

lately i have been feeling so yucky that i have not even logged onto the computer...much less posted anything. i haven't checked e-mail in weeks. hopefully, in a couple of weeks i will be feeling lots better. hopefully.

chad has pretty much been having to pick up the slack around here. seeing as i can't enter the kitchen without feeling as though i will either throw up or pass out...meals have been a bit of a challenge. he has to get the kid's breakfast in the morning, and feed them dinner. i try to stay out of there. as chase would say..."it's not my favorite."

secondly, the house has pretty much taken on a mind of it's own. if i had the energy, i would take pictures. it is quite the sight. dishes everywhere (because i can't look at them without gagging); clothes covering the floors (they may or may not be clean. if they don't smell...they wear them); the playroom probably has things growing under the layers of toys (i don't even want to think about that); at least 1 bathroom seems to be clogged all the time; the main one seems to always smell like urine (i hold my breath). you get the drift. i would pay a large sum of money for someone to come clean my house for me right now.

colton and chase are in full baseball mode. they have 2 games a week and sometimes they don't start until 7:45...putting us getting home around 9:45 on a school night. that's fun. the plus...2 words........concession and stand. i survive on snow cones. grape please.

aiden has become used to our "special playtime" really being "come crawl in bed with mommy and watch playhouse disney until noon" time. i tell myself they are educational programs and she won't remember this later.

i just choked down milk of magnesia for dinner. that speaks for itself.

everyday chase asks, "are you still sick mommy?" poor guy. it's becoming his norm. aiden takes it all in stride. and last night, colton wanted to know how much longer til the first trimester is over. i knew what he meant though. how much longer til i won't bark orders from the couch and stop flying off the handle at the drop of a hat. that's when i said..."not much longer baby...and i'll feel a lot better. just a couple of weeks." then i realized he has the timing compared to how much school he has left until summer...which is what he was more concerned with...which made me feel a little better. i am watching my "angry voice" though. when aiden thinks she's in trouble, she just starts saying, "i'm cold." not sure what that's about. and if chase gets in trouble and i call for him...he says from the other room, "are you going to talk rude to me?" geeeeez. that makes one feel fantastic.

i know, i know...stop complaining. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 11 weeks down. mommy will be back soon.

the "four" the merrier!

chad is...

-currently cleaning the bathrooms.

-going to sweep and mop the floor.

...my hero.

cuteness is...

so, chase had his first scrimmage of the season today and i think it went quite well. it took some coaxing to get him there, but once he was there...it was all business. well...more like pleasure, which is exactly as it should be. i'm a "mean" mom and make the siblings sit and support the one playing instead of going to the park, etc. it was chase's turn to be cheered on today and colton and aiden did a great job. i'm thinking that chase may take after me and love the attention!!

happiness is...

...my new skin care product!!

i am the girl who will wash her face with whatever is by the sink when the hankering arises to wash the face. i have been known to use baby soap, hand soap, and even shampoo when i find myself in the shower with nothing else to use! yet, lately i have noticed, less than exciting images in the mirror when looking closely. okay...even when not looking so closely. dryness...flakyness...lines...bumps...and even crows feet...are taking up residence on my 30 something face. yikes! thanks to a dear friend, who has beautiful 50 something skin, i have been turned on to a new face product. i love it for several reasons. a.) it is pre-soaped. the individual pads have enough soap on them to create a generous lather...which is the problem that i have found with other pre-soaped products. b.) one side is smooth for removing make-up while the other side has little bumps to remove dead skin...sort of a microderm abrasion thing. and c.) they have alpha-hydroxy in them, which is known to make the skin healthier. and d.) they are fairly inexpensive when compared to other face products out there. i find myself excited to wash my face at night. next purchase...the aveeno moisturizing lotion.

redemption is...

sometimes i am haunted by something that i wish i could go back in time and change...or at least make right. there are things that seemed unjust, unfair, or just downright wrong. i know that i have to live by the "audience of one" rule book, but sometimes i just want redemption. the kind that doesn't come from Jesus and the cross...but the kind that rights the wrong. even though the redemption the cross brings is enough, and the reward that the truth will always prevail once in Heaven is a promise...stories like these still make me whisper a satisfied................"YES!!!!!!" take a minute to enjoy this story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=295TRv7EXaM

entertainment is...colton at baseball practice & change

indeed, i am a creature of change. i am not happy unless i can re-arrange the furniture in the living room every couple of months. it has now been the same since christmas and it is driving me crazy. there are only so many ways to arrange it and i have exhausted them all. i guess that means we need to get new furniture!! (just kidding honey. just seeing if you were paying attention)

well...the real point here is that i am already tired of my new blog page. all those pink flowers staring me in the face every time i log on. enough already!! so...that is going to have to change pretty soon. but not now, as i am already running a bit late to pick up the little girl sweetness from preschool. but you can imagine my "giddy-ness" when i noticed (yes. it took me 2 years) that i could change font size, color, boldness, and use italics. i am actually feeling joyful over it!! expect a lot of this in the future...probably to the point of irritation.

so...to provide the humor in this post...because it is very unlike me to not have anything that will at least, hopefully, produce a grin...if not a soft chuckle (and i really just wanted to use the word "chuckle"): my main man took my little man to baseball practice the other night and texted me about something he had just watched him do in disbelief. here is what the text said...

"colton just made a play and then proceeded to look up and point to the sky. as if thanking God. seriously."

entertainment at it's finest.

entertainment is...conversations with chase

so today was one of those days when you ask yourself repeatedly, "why am i doing this?"

all 3 kids are having valentine's parties at school. yesterday, i shopped for all of the valentines, and the party supplies that i was assigned for each class, as well as their valentine's gifts. chase also has to make a valentine mailbox out of a box for all of his valentines to be stored in. so, today i went out and got some cute valentine wrapping paper, ribbon, some little metal words to glue on it, and a candy frog that says "kiss me." i thought he would LOVE that...his obsession with frogs and all. so, after i picked them up from school, we drove to my parent's house to pick up aiden. the traffic was bad enough that i didn't want to head straight back home and we decided to hang out there a while. i got all the stuff out to make chase's box and asked him if he wanted to help. he said, "sure" but then got a bit distracted with the other kids playing in the yard. now, i kid you not when i say that i spent a solid hour or more working on this box. taping it up...cutting a hole in the top...wrapping it...decorating it with ribbon...gluing...taping...making bows...figuring out how to get the frog to look like it was sitting on it...hot glue...you can see that i was doing my best work for my best chase. my mom sat with me and helped and talked until i finished it. i finished it off by writing "chase...you've got mail!" then i called him in to see this mailbox creation that i had made in an attempt to make him feel special and loved. he walked in...looked at the box...and said, "i don't love it."

a little later, while ignoring a melt down in the car on the way to grab dinner with my parents, he proceeded to say some "ugly" things. i told him that he needed to stop being ugly, and to only let the kind words come out of his mouth. i told him that he was hurting my feelings with his words. i explained to him that what we say can really hurt people and that i had worked really hard on his box and that he owed me an apology and a thank you. i told him that i would take the box to his class and give it to a kid who didn't get to make a box. he then gave the most sincere...sweet...heartfelt apology. here is how it went...

"mommy...i am sooooo sorry. i am so soooorrrry mommy...mommy i am sor HEY, MOMMY...LOOK...AN ASTRONAUT...LOOK AT THAT SIGN MOMMY!"

then my mom began a little bible lesson about the crowns we get in heaven...saying that while we are on earth, we have to say good and nice things...not mean things. and that we had to treat people with kindness and tell people about Jesus in order to get our crowns when we get to heaven. chase's response was..."i don't really want to go there."

then, colton and mom and i started talking about salvation and i asked chase why Jesus died on the cross. colton, wanting to help a brother out whispered, "for our sins." chase then proudly said, "for our cents." then i said, do you know what sin is?" colton, again to not be out done whispers, "bad stuff." chase said loudly, "bad stuff." i said, "yeah...like talking ugly to your mommy." at that, he said, "mommy...i'm just so tired...i think i need to go to sleep now."

Broken Dreams

There are times in life that I feel like a spoiled brat. I wonder, does God look at me and listen to me and wonder, "Do you have any idea of the REAL things that I am dealing with child?" All I have to do is remember the vivid memories of Ukraine, read a little on the need for clean water all over the world, sit in a casual meeting while discussing sex trafficking in Houston, or just watch the world news to gain a little perspective on my life and the gratitude that I SHOULD have. I say "should" because that's when the whole "I am such a spoiled little brat" thought creeps in. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about dissatisfaction and have come to some conclusions. It is not a bad thing to feel a since of dissatisfaction. If we never felt those feelings, then we would not be pushed to change. Sometimes, as a Christian in America, I am confused as to how to handle my dissatisfaction...which I am referring to from now on as...broken dreams. We are not talking about the "I wish I had a better car" broken dreams, but the things that my heart longs for that I can't FORCE to come to fruition. The things I want to control but must let go of. The things like adoption, and where to best raise our 3 very unique and wonderfully made children are plaguing my thoughts and contentment. One minute I think, "This is nothing like starvation...so pull yourself up by your bootstraps and quit complaining"...while on the other hand, I cry out to God for answers. I came across one of my very favorite poems from my childhood at my parent's house last night and it brought a peace to me that has been lacking. I'm convinced that it was the whispering voice of my Father telling me that it's OK...to tell Him all about it...stroking my hair and looking at me tenderly...kissing my forehead while saying, "I'm here and I've got you." Here it is...

BROKEN DREAMS

As children bring their broken toys

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow--"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go."

who did it and he said what?

yesterday, chase stayed home from school due to the common cold. at lunch, i fed he and aiden a peanut butter fold over, with apples. we have decided to position our new bunny, clarabelle right in the kitchen so that she will truly feel a part of the family. i tell you that, because it actually has something to do with my story and is not just some side tangent that i have decided to ramble upon...as i have been known to do in the past. so...as they are eating, i am chatting with a friend on the phone and loading the dishwasher. i look over at the bunny's cage and see that clarabelle has climbed to the middle rungs and appears to be chewing her way through the metal. i walk over and tell her to ease up on the cage chewing and tap her nose to get down. the kids are just watching at this point. that's when i noticed the peanut butter smeared all over the cage where she was chewing. i said, "who gave their peanut better sandwich to clarabelle?" to which chase and aiden, pointed at each other and said in unison, "he/she did it." they both thought that clarabelle needed lunch.

later in the day, after i had picked colton up from school, he and aiden wanted to go see the 3 cats in the garage. (that's another story...but they are the 3 cats that have stayed with us before and the kids have known them since they were kittens) so, i said that i would go out there with them, but that they were hiding and probably would not come out. one of the cats was growling and hissing at the other one and i told the kids to go back inside because i was afraid they were going to start fighting and i didn't want them to be out there if they did. i told colton to take aiden inside and that i would be in in a minute. a few minutes went by and chase came to the garage door and knocked. i told him to come in and he opened the door and said, "mommy...colton said you were dead." i walked chase back in the house and he went to the base of the stairs and yelled, "COLTON...MOM IS NOT DEAD IN THE GARAGE!"

i'm not sure if i am more disturbed that...
a.) colton actually thought i had been killed in a cat fight, or b.) that he told the little ones that i was dead in the garage, or c.) that he and aiden went right along with their playroom activities while chase nonchalantly came out to make sure. actually it's...
d.) all of the above.