A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

alright. i didn't tell this story to many people...due to the fact that i didn't want to look like an idiot. but...it's safe to tell! some of you may not be interested in this at all, but those of you who know me well and know my life-long dream of being "discovered" may appreciate this.


it's kind of a long story...so i'll be brief and leave out the details. (so out of character for me. :)

before leaving for new york, i joked many times about getting discovered while i was there. childhood dreams die hard, right? one night when chad and i were there, we happened upon the reveal of the macy's christmas window display. now, i had no idea what a big deal this was. i had heard of the window display but didn't know how "famous" they were. we went to macy's around 4:00 and the big program thing where they reveal the windows was to start at 5:30. they were having one of the main actresses from dream girls singing and the little girl who plays jane banks in mary poppins on broadway was acting in the little skit. willard scott was reading twas the night before christmas and santa claus himself even showed up. they interviewed the guy who created the window displays, who turns out to be a pretty big deal in new york, i guess. they blocked off broadway and the crowd thickened quickly. chad and i sat in the bleachers that were set up across the street enjoying the cold night air and caramel apple ciders. we thought we had lucked out and had one of the best seats there. they led the whole crowd in christmas carols...which excited me because i was actually getting to sing on broadway!! chad took a picture to prove it. well...skip to the end, where chad and i are trying to make our way through the crowd with snow-like confetti falling all around and lots and lots of twinkly lights. i had seen a lot of cameras and assumed it was the news stations getting shots for the late news, when all of a sudden, a felt someone tap my shoulder. i turned around to see a camera man next to a guy with a big long fuzzy microphone on a long pole. he said, "you've been requested." then...the next minute was a blur. they pushed me into the artist who designed the window displays and said, just talk to him about the displays." so i did. i had to then fill out a waver to give them permission to use the footage if they needed it and said it was for the holiday window display special on HGtv. i figured there was no way that i would get on national tv, but thought it was pretty cool anyway. chad and i tuned in to the special the other night, and with about 3 minutes left in the 1 hour special...there i am. smack dab on the t.v. screen. we couldn't believe it. my mouth dropped open and chad literally jumped off the couch and did a little victory dance. it was quite cute. my parents had it on and my mom was so proud. afterall, it is her favorite t.v. station on earth. it airs again on sunday, the 23rd at 4:00 and on christmas day at 10:00am. who would have thought...

...turns out i actually got discovered. even if it was by HGtv. :) have you ever thought about the little things God makes happen? the things that are just especially to make you smile?

The Pockets of Little Boys

Tonight I learned a very important lesson...

ALWAY CHECK A LITTLE BOY'S POCKETS BEFORE DOING LAUNDRY!

I have seen the cute, old-fashion depiction of a little boy in overalls, with dirt smudges on his face, a slingshot hanging out of one pocket and a frog in the other. However...I thought those times had passed. With Sony Play Stations and Wiis and videos and computer games, it seems we've lost the innocent and magical games of childhood that called upon the use of a boy's imagination as opposed to their parent's money. no longer can an old, tattered football compete with Madden NFL for the play station or a stick be magically transformed into a gun...which saddens me. Fantacy football has taken the place of guys getting together at the local highschool field to play a game of touch. I wonder if these guys still have the same "brother-like" relationships as they used to. I know I'm not a boy and I may not have validity enough to speak about these boyish things. But as I did my own little boy's laundry tonight, my mind wandered to these places. This past weekend, Chad went and purchased rocks to line our flowerbeds and a huge mound of mulch to put in them. The kids had a blast "helping". They dug and hid "treasures" and climbed and rolled in the huge pile of dirt in our driveway. Chase had the smudges on his face that i spoke of earlier and for some reason they made me happy. The boys were taking a break from technology and were playing things that required imagination...and were loving it. Well, as I transfered the washed, wet, dark load into the dryer tonight, I started noticing a lot of...what looked like dirt...falling from the clothes. It just kept coming. I could not figure out where it was coming from, but it had filled the washing machine and was filling the dryer before I realized what had happened. Chase had decided to fill ALL his pockets with mulch. It was all over the laundry room, all in the clothes, and all in the washer and dryer. Now, I know I've been accused of being neurotically clean...but seriously. I just washed dirt.

everybody hurts

7th grade was probably the worst year of my life. i had grown tall in a time where tall was not "in". i was skinny and lanky...waif-like...when skinny, lanky and waif-like was not considered beautiful. my arms were long and my legs were longer before the clothing industry came up with the idea that every girl's body type was, indeed, not the same. the guess jeans with the zipper at the ankle was all i ever wanted...thinking they would make me cool...only to find out that the guess jeans with the zipper at the ankles would be about 3 inches too short for me. i would wear them anyways because i thought they were better (in my mind) than the knock-off palmettos that had the same triangle on the back pocket. i was proud of my jeans...don't get me wrong...but they didn't make me shorter. and they didn't make the cute boys look at me more. and they didn't make the popular girls want to be any more my friend. misguided, i was. my mom had a rule. i could wish for the popular things...the guess overalls, the liz claiborne purse, the jeans with the real guess triangle on the pocket...but she would never buy them for me right away. even though we had the money, i had to wait. i had to wait until christmas, or my birthday, or for another reason that warranted buying them. she knew then, what i know now...that "so i would be accepted" was not a reason she wanted to promote. what she also knew, that i know now, is that it wouldn't work. several moments in time stand out vividly in my mind from 7th grade, as if they were yesterday. one, when the most popular boy in my grade, whom i had had a crush on all year, came up to me in the hallway. my excitement was so off the charts that i'm sure it was seen on my face and heard in my voice. had he finally seen me? he must have noticed my jeans! only to have him ask me to tell my best friend, catherine that he liked her and to find out if she returned his feelings. obviously she would. second, when my stomach would start hurting so bad and i would feel so sick that i would go to the nurse and she would have to call my mom to come get me. i would lay on the couch the rest of the day, wondering what was wrong with me and my mom would have a worried look in her eye and a loving touch in her hand. then my stomach would start hurting upon time to leave for school...to the point of tears...and she took me to the doctor. she knew i wasn't lying. the doctor said it was stress. that something was going on in my life to promote the physical response and that this was the way my little body and mind were handling it. my mom wondered what, on earth, i had to be stressed about. see...this was before "stress" in children became better understood. and third, when i was accused of something that i didn't do by a popular girl and everyone believed her. i was at my locker and kids were saying mean things to me and hurling insult after insult until they felt i had had enough and believed the things they were saying. little did they know...i already believed the things they were saying. i didn't need their help to feel bad about myself. i didn't even stand up for myself. i guess i felt like i wasn't worth it. nor would anyone listen to me anyways. i was never gonna be who i wanted to be...even though, at the time, i didn't even know who that was.

fast forward through high school, college, and grad school where i finally hit my stride and had enough accalades to bury the deep hurt and memories from 7th grade deep down inside. fast forward through tall and skinny becoming what girls want to look like and the clothing industry making clothes geared toward our body type and the short people having to hem them to fit. you'd think that would make up for those bad memories. just so you know...it doesn't. i've learned to be okay with my weight and celebrate my height...but the demons are still there. as an adult, my clothing is not attacked anymore, but my character has been. not often...but it has happened. and those memories and feelings that i had when i was in 7th grade come flooding to the surface. i'm still not good enough. i'm still not accepted. i still need to change who i am to fit the mold that will make me worth it. i still want someone to understand...to know exactly how i feel...to comfort me...to know me.

last night i was sitting in the darkness of my living room, dealing with hurt feelings...where the only light came from the twinkly lights of the christmas tree and garland on the fireplace. i could barely see the nativity scene on my mantle and the baby Jesus being held by his mommy. i thought about him as a baby, and a boy, and a man. i thought about how other kids may have made fun of him and then i started thinking about how he was ridiculed and mocked as a man. i thought about how he had human emotions and how he must have felt. if i felt hurt by being misunderstood, how must have he felt...when the whole world misunderstood him? it wasn't just the kids in the 7th grade...it was most everybody. he knew he was the Christ. a King. the great I AM. God in the flesh. the savior of the mockers. the one who came for us. He knew what He was here to do for us...

and He hurt.

just like i hurt.

He knows me...

and i was comforted.

I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK, NEW YORK...

Probably my favorite picture: Times Square

We celebrated our 8th anniversary on top of the Empire State Building with the Manhatten skyline behind us

It actually snowed for us while we were up there...Chad tried to capture the snowflakes on my hat and scarf. It was quite cold!!

We went skating in Rockefeller Center...this is what I was most excited about doing. I have to say...Chad is no Apollo Anton Ohno. He actually tried to take me down with him! Imagine...

And me...I liked to twirl on the ice like I did when I was a little girl.

If I can't see my name in lights...Chase's will do!! :)

Time's Square

oh tannenbaum...

someone please tell me how choosing and decorating a christmas tree as a family can be more stressful than airports with 3 small children, their carseats, strollers, backpacks, blankies, and attitudes. (i just tried to come up with one of the most stressful scenarios i could recall). anyhow, we decided that monday night would be the night of the big venture that led us to our perfect family tree. it was cold outside, so i told the boys to go get their sweatsuits on. i told aiden that we needed to go get her sweatsuit too. she was very excited about getting to wear it, which i thought was pretty cute. she followed me upstairs and i went to her drawer that housed her sweatsuit. i was not paying attention to the drawer she went to...but she had opened up her top drawer of the changing table, pulled out her swimsuit, and yelled excitedly, "HERE IT IS!!!!" she, evidently, was confused. so...i quickly explained the difference between a swimsuit and a sweatsuit and we were on our way. we had some differing opinions about what our prefect tree should look like. i wanted lightly flocked. colton wanted heavy flocked. chase wanted green. aiden wanted big. chad wanted cheap. i exaggerate...(a little). so...we head to the houston garden center that was right by our house. they wanted $89.99 for a green 7-8 foot tree...and you can forget about the flocked ones. they were way out of our league. we decided that the said price was asinine and that we would keep looking. we then went to home depot. i finally started thinking clearly and left chad and the kids in the car while i ran in to see what they had. i found a 7-8 foot tree that was the perfect size. was not too fat but not too skinny either. it was $49.99, which was sounding better. aaaaaand it was some kind of "fir" where there are spaces between the branches and looks like a real tree off the ski slopes in breckenridge and not a "bushy" tree that i don't really like. so, i ran back to the car and told chad about it. he suggested that we could look at houston palm, where we got our perfect family christmas tree last year...that ended up being infested with spiderwebs, complete with eggs and weird, creepy bugs all up and down the trunk. i did not notice this until we were taking it down. it's a good thing, because otherwise the neighbors would have seen a fully decorated tree fly through the back window of our house. why we decided to go back there, i'm still unsure of. we did though...wanting to make sure we had, indeed, found our tree at the best price. we got out...looked at the selection and decided to head back to home depot. by this point, chase would have taken some of the left over branches that had fallen in the parking lot and built his own. he had to have a "talking to" on the way back to home depot, and then was fine. so...we got the tree. however, part of the reason it was cheaper (in my opinion) was that chad and i had to carry it out and tie it to the roof of the suburban ourselves. this only added to the thrill. we finally got home and i went and got the kids bathed and in bed and told chad that i was going to bed too. i had been fighting a nasty chest cold and couldn't last any longer. chad said that he would bring in the tree before he came to bed. when the kids woke up the next morning and saw the blank spot in the living room that i had cleared for our tree...you can only imagine what they must have thought. "our perfect family christmas tree has been stolen!!!!" it's actually kind of fun driving around town all day with a tree strapped to the top of your car. that really didn't happen. we used the van. skip to the decorating. if they had their way, every ornament would be in a 1 1/2 foot by 1 1/2 foot space right in front at their eye level. they each had a pile of "their" ornaments that they could put on the tree themselves. colton thought every one of them was his...even the ones that had the name "chase" or "aiden" engraved on the front. chase's frog ornament from last year was not a red eyed tree frog...producing tears. a fight broke out between colton and chase as to whose ornament was superman and whose was batman. aiden kept ringing the jingle bells really loud making everyone jump at random. and once colton got his superman right in the perfect spot where he wanted it, chase "flew" it to another spot on the tree. chad had a headache and was asleep in the chair and i just tried to stay one step behind their 3 by moving the breakable ones that they put on up high so that they would not get broken. well...it's done. and it looks great. now i just have to keep them out from under it or behind it or from playing in the water. and superman still "flies" to different spots everyday. chase actually brought it to me broken today and i had to send him to the ornament hospital for surgery. there are about 4 ornaments in triage right now. i expect to be buying a few more tubes of superglue before christmas. we'll see. i guess the important thing is...we did it together and it really is our perfect family christmas tree. it makes us all smile. oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree...how lovely are your branches.

where in tarnation do they get this stuff?

every day that passes, i hear more and more from my kids that make me wonder in amazement how on earth they come up with some of the things they think and say. for example, anytime my sweet, 2 year old daughter sees a dog, she says...in a very worried tone..."that doggys gonna eat my knees!!!!" she says this while bending down and covering her knees with her hands. i really have no idea why she would think that a dog would eat her knees. no idea, whatsoever.

then...last night, i was making dinner. i had chopped up some zuccini, squash, and bell peppers and was getting ready to roast them in the oven. i drizzled some olive oil on them and shook them on the pan to make sure they were all covered. colton was standing there silently watching me. he then proceeds to say, "mom...that's not how rachel ray does it." are you kidding me? how does he even know who rachel ray is? i don't even watch her cooking show. i mean, are the kids in 1st grade talking about rachel ray on the playground? does the 1st grade have a cooking unit that i don't know about? why am i always in the dark??

furthermore...chase is, by far, our friendliest child. he goes up to EVERYONE he sees and says, "hi. i'm chase. i like frogs. that's colton. he's my brother. and that's aiden. she's my sister. it's nice to meet you. see you later. have a nice day." sometimes he will add a "rock on" or a "peace out" and usually gives a thumbs up somewhere throughout the conversation...and sometimes a hang ten. it takes a while to get through target. who am i to stop him from loving people?

in other news, chad and i leave on saturday for new york. this is my first time to new york and i hold out hope that i will, indeed get discovered while i'm there. chad has to go for church stuff and he is bringing me along for our anniversary. chase thinks we are going to meet kermit the frog and miss piggy while we are there because the his favorite muppet movie says they are in manhatten. on broadway to be exact. i hate to bust his bubble, so i havn't. :) my parents are keeping the kids for us and we will get home on tuesday. yeah!!

well, that's about it for now. tune in...you just never know...you may see my name in lights!!!! either that, or on the news after being kicked out of the city after rushing the stage at some off, off broadway show...knocking the lead out of the way and taking over the song. you only live once!!

$#@&

here's a little ditty. last night, while i was cooking dinner, chad and colton were bonding over a little game of play station. chad was using the time to talk to colton about what's going on in the 1st grade. colton is a typical "guy" and usually gives 1 word answers when asked anything about how his day was at school. well, last night, he offered up a little more information than the usual "fine" or "good" or "o.k." he began to tell chad that sometimes the kids at school talk bad. when chad probed a little more, he revealed that sometimes they say the "S-H" word. chad...who was sooo on it, being all understanding and open with colton...said, "really? so some of the kids say shit?" very confused, colton looked at chad and said, "no......shut up." nice.

i'll keep a tally of how many angry phone calls i get this week from little first grade boy's parents informing me that my son taught their son a new word. i think i'll have our home phone forwarded to chad's cell for a while.

siblings, halloween, and one fall festival

so, i was carrying aiden downstairs this morning after i had gone to get her out of bed and we were being all snuggly while we were coming down the stairs. i was asking her is she slept well and if she had any good dreams when she caught a glimpse of chase sitting at the table eating his breakfast. she said real excited like, "there's chase." she was pointing at him like she had been waiting for that moment all night. the moment when she would get to come downstairs and see her big brother and talk to him and play with him and know that all is right with the world...because she was reunited with her chase. i said, "yep...there's chase." then, while still looking at him from my arms on the stairs she said, "i like that boy." there is something about sibling relatioinships that i just love. i had that with my little brother as well. he would follow me around all day long and wait for me at the door when i went to kindergarten...waiting for the moment we would be reunited...just like aiden. we have all these memories and stories from our childhood...and we are still making them...which i love. and i love that my kids are making those memories for themselves right now. when i'm in target or at the mall with all three little ones in tow, people always look at me like i had temporarily lost my mind when deciding to have kids so close together and i've had more than one, "you have your hands full." yeah...i do have my hands full. absolutely. but isn't there a song that says something about God having the whole world in his hands? i just feel lucky to get a little taste of the joy that he must feel.

in other news...i'm trying to get my pictures from halloween off my camera and onto the computer and i've had some trouble. surprise. surprise. as soon as i figure out the problem, i will post some pics from our fun night. we went to a concert up at the church that was outside and they had trick or treating for the kids. everyone was in constumes...including the adults...which i was extremely excited about. you just can't get adults to dress up anymore...to my dismay. so, chad was clark kent and i was a cowgirl. (let's face it...any reason to wear my cowgirl boots and hat is a good one.) colton was batman; chase was robin; and aiden was "kitty cat girl". something about calling my 2 year old daughter "catwoman" just didn't sit well with me. my parents showed up at our house as kermit the frog and miss piggy before we went to the concert. my mom had made the costumes to surprise the kids and it was hysterical. they parked several houses away and walked up the middle of the street. we were all out in the front yard and chase and aiden were flabergasted that kermie and piggy were actually coming to our house to trick or treat. colton, on the other hand was trying to reconcile the fact that he knew kermie and piggy were fictional...yet they did, in fact, appear to be walking down our street...and they were much taller than expected. who were these characters? a fun time was had by all.

this morning, i am taking chase and aiden to a birthday party at chuck e. cheese. a place that sends my anxiety and germ phobia into a near panic attack and uses up every ounce of antibacteria hand gel that i may have in my bag. today, i have to go up to the school to help out colton's teacher. tonight, our small group is helping out lighthouse ministries by sorting clothes and stuff in the back storage room. and tomorrow is the fall festival up at the school. i have had to organize our class booth and get volunteers to run the game in hour long shifts. i have 1 hour covered at this point. the parents don't seem to be too thrilled with volunteering at the football fling booth. it's not my idea people. i didn't come up with the idea to have a class booth...or a fall festival for that matter. oh well. what are ya gonna do? i guess i will be spending my saturday at a fall festival in a football fling booth. at least it's not that "throw a baseball and dunk you in the water" booth. i think i would have to put my foot down on that one. then on sunday morning, the thing that i am most excited about happens. the thing i have been waiting for all season. the thing that is bringing me such comfort and joy at this moment. we pick up 1 extra hour of sleep!! whoooo hoooo!! fall back y'all!!

in celebration of...

...ME!!!!!! here is a list of what all i got for my birthday. and a big thank you to the people who are closest to me who took time out of their lives to celebrate with me and make me feel loved and cherished.

the new, blue ipod nano

distressed lucky jeans

james avery ring (sort of) :)

billabong t-shirt

2 starbucks gift cards

fossil gift card

chocolate brown hooded sweater

a cold front...which i had secretly wished for and God delivered :)

the infamous and traditional homemade t-shirt from my brother...which gets funnier every year

dave matthews concert tickets (already used and oh so apprictiated)

kelly clarkson concert tickets (to be used in november and oh so appreciated)

a space shuttle cake (b/c discovery launched oct. 23rd...just 1 day before my big day and i was quite excited about that...and the fact that 2 astronauts from our church went up and we sent the ukrainian flag up with them...which is floating around in space right this very minute!!!!)

new quilt and sheets for mine and chad's bed

a good book

a ride with good friends on the ferris wheel and pharoh's furry on the water, at the boardwalk on a cold, star-filled birthday night

the realization that even though my sweet husband; my love; was in ukraine...things were being done to further God's kindom in ukraine because of him and his ability to listen to and follow God and that life is not all about me on october 24th and that i have the greatest friends and family that will step in to take care of me.

many hugs and sloppy kisses and smiles and happy "birfday" wishes from 3 very sweet children

dinner at bj's with a free birthday pizzookie

and last, but certainly not least...many cards and well wishes from family and friends

WOW!!!! do i feel lucky and loved.

i'm pretty sure i have my hands full with this one.

the other day, i was in the living room picking up the videos and dvd's that the kids like to take out of their appropriate cases and throw all over the floor, when i heard little footsteps coming down the stairs. the kids had been playing upstairs in the playroom for a while. i had been hearing different games going on from downstairs, such as zoo, toy story, superheros, kitchen, and the like. it doesn't take long for me to realize that it is aiden on her way down the stairs. i assumed she was tired of playing with "her boys" and needed some girl time. although that usually doesn't happen. she is dressed in a little sun top, with a matching bow in her hair and pink nail polish on her toes and a purse on her arm. she comes prancing into the living room, swinging her purse, looking just like i had always pictured a daughter of mine looking like. so sweet; so cute, with her little page-boy hair cut...the picture of feminine. there were some of her little dolls scattered on the floor, so i asked her if she wanted to put them in her purse to keep them safe. she did. so she took her purse, that was already full off her arm. she thought for a second, opened it, pulled out a g.i. joe accessory and, very nonchalantly said, "here mommy...hold my gun."

the rescue...

aiden and her new friend

aiden playing the role of mommy

the kittens today ( a few weeks old)

brother and sister: hansel and gretel

just plain sweetness

Here's how the story goes...

a couple of us at church have become involved with helping this family who has a farm ministry. They live in a small, run down trailer with 7 kids. next to their trailer, is their farm. the dad has this farm to help at risk kids. he has pigs, horses, and sheep and the children get to be a part of FFA at school. they come there and take care of their animal. i guess it helps keep them out of trouble. anyway, i got a call from the girl from church who has been helping this man at the farm a couple of weeks ago. she was somewhat stressed out because when she got to the farm, there was a dog that was in bad shape that they didn't want, and a stray cat that was pregnant. the cat was not even being fed. so, we went to assess the situation, to see what we could do to help these animals, and to feed them. the cat was a small tabby cat that was wild and was scared of us. we put a plate of food out and she gobbled the whole thing up...but if we would even look at her, she would run off. ginger said that she could set a trap and take her to the vet to have her spayed, but then, the babies would die. but if she had them out at the farm, they would most likely get eaten by some animal anyways...so we didn't really know what to do with her. we decided to trap her; take her to the vet; have her checked out and bathed; and then keri would keep her until we could find a home for her. the vet said that she was, indeed pregnant and that they heard 3 heart beats. he thought she would have them about a week later. after her trip to the vet, ginger brought her to keri's apartment and got her a litter box, food, and bowls. she warmed up really quick and would just sit next to you and purr while you pet her. so, at about 11:30 that night, i get a call from keri that she was having the kittens. the kids were in bed, so i got to go see them being born. we thought she was done after 3, but a little while later...she had number 4. we were so excited. i think 4 is a good number. the kids were so excited when i told them the next morning that the kittens were born and i took aiden to see them that morning after i dropped the boys off at school. so, now...keri (the foster parent) is out of town and the cats are staying with us. (the foster, foster family) the kids are sooooo excited. we named her tabitha. just think...she was so hopeless that day. there she was...homeless, pregnant and going to have her babies that very night, starving...not knowing what she was going to do. basically...hopeless. and just when she thought that her life was at rock bottom...she was rescued. if God cares that much about a little, stray tabby cat...he must really care about me.

September 30, 2002 & 2007

A look back...

Colton holding Chase for the very first time

September 30, 2007: chase turns 5

we are singing happy birthday to chase

at the end of "happy birthday"...chase says, "thank you. thank you very much!!!!!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET BOY!

don't hate me...

i'm convinced it's not a phase. it's been going on for too long now. this is not good.

a while back, aiden started saying something...well......sketchy, to say the least. she will look at me, with a very worried look in her eyes, and put her hands behind her...as if to cover her sweet little hiney, and say, "don't hit me."

now, this is coming from a child who has probably been spanked twice in her whole sweet little life. (and not recently, either) i have no idea where she got this. but, she says it ALL the time. anytime i tell her to do anything; whether it be "come here", or "go get your shoes on", or "let's get in the car", ...she replies with, "o.k. mamma. don't hit me." we can be at home, in public, at my parent's house. anywhere and everywhere. it's embarrassing, really. and a bit sad. what makes matters worse, is that sometimes, with her sweet little two year old voice, it sounds like, "don't hate me." i haven't had anyone call CPS on me yet...but i am awaiting a knock on the door from the local police department. stay by your phones. if you get a call from me in the pokey...you'll know why!!

2 "pees" in a "potty"

i like to call this one..."good grief aiden! if chase told you to go jump off a bridge, would you do it?"

i like to call this one..."chase...get your sister's head out of the potty!"

i know i wrote in an earlier post that chase and aiden are extremely close and spend everyday playing with each other...all day long...which is really sweet and cute and yada, yada, yada...but seriously?? she will do anything he tells her to. ANYTHING! this is my proof. we took aiden on her "big girl trip" the other day. we got all dressed up, and went to get a little potty and some big girl underwear. she also got to pick out a booster seat because she thinks she is too big for the highchair now. she has to sit in a booster seat like chase. only chase freaks when she gets near it because he thinks she's going to "steal" it. for crying out loud...as if she's going to stick it under her shirt and leave town. anyways...so...the potty training started with a lot of excitement and hoopla, such as aiden "twirling" in the living room in her tinkerbell underwear. however...i realized about 20 minutes later that we were just not ready. and by "we", i mean me. so...this is what we have decided to do with the potty. and by "we", i mean they.

the recovery and journaling

so, as most of you know...chad had jaw surgery tuesday morning. he was in the hospital overnight and now has been home for 5 days. they did not wire his jaw shut, thank the sweet Lord, because i would have "issues" with that. i know you are probably thinking, "you??? how selfish can you be?" but, the thing that kept going through my head was...what if he gets sick? and that thought was enough to completely give me the creeps. i would have had to carry around wire cutters and always be ready to unwire his mouth in case of some sort of emergency. luckily, his doctor trusted him to not chew, so no wire cutters here. he has to drink out of a straw and can not have any solid food. needless to say, i have made more soup in the last week than i have in my entire life. my kids hate soup. and now, chad and i hate soup too. so, we have also been making lots of smoothies. aiden and chase love smoothies and drink all of the left-overs and then go beg chad for his. chase makes up for stealing his smoothies by always wanting to take him his medicine. i only let him take the child-proof bottle to chad to get the pill out...mainly because i'm not too sure i want to see what chase would be like on hydrocodone. the pain medication they gave him when he broke his arm made him...let's just say..."jumpy". i think chad's stay in the hospital stressed aiden out a little. a few days ago, she got a tiny scrape on her knee. she sat down and said, "i need a bandaid. i need to go to the hospital." i told her that i thought she maaaaay be over-reacting just a tad. i have no idea where she gets that. :)

here's a little update on colton lloy; first grade:

his new love is writing. they get to journal quite a bit and do some free writing in most of their subject. he LOVES it. the other day when i picked him up from school, he said, "mom...i need a journal at home for me to write in. that way i could write about what i am doing. i want one with an elephant on it. like my old one with the elephant on it. you know the art spiral with the elephant on it?" (i think he might want one with an elephant on it) i said, "i don't even remember where i got that art spiral." to which he replied, "maybe yoooooou should get a journal." i opened my mouth to defend my failing memory...but how do you argue with that?

i'm ashamed...

...of my lack of discipline and patience. it's sad, really. what is wrong with me? seriously. i completely broke down today. i had just dropped chase off for his first day of preschool and i had a day of fun and errands planned for us girls. aiden and i started it off by going to starbucks and enjoyed frappachinos...her enjoying the strawberries and cream, while i decided to partake of the pumpkin spice one. she sat in a comfy chair...sipping her frap...while coloring on her magnadoodle and looking at her book. i took in a people magazine and my nicholas sparks, dear john, book that i am reading while in the car ride line, waiting to pick up colton. then...we bopped on over to the mall to pick up my brother's birthday present, dropped off my phone to be fixed, and then went to target while we waited for the phone. i had made it all the way through target...getting just what we needed; daipers and some fruit, and stuff for the boy's lunchboxes when the unexpected happened. you see, in target, you have to pass the holiday candy section to get to the checkout. as i did...i noticed that the halloween candy was already out. my basket made this left turn...i swear...on it's own, and i found myself right in front of the pumpkin candy corns. damn it!!!!! it is only september 5th. and i really try hard to not buy these until october 1st. what to do...what to do? without any prompting from my brain...my right hand reaches up to the shelf and puts 2 bags in the cart. we are nowhere near october 1st. i just could not wait. so...all of my other groceries are still sitting on the floor as we speak, but those pumpkins...already in the candy jar...displayed proudly...letting everyone in on my lack of any self control at all. here's to authenticity. and pumpkin candy corns.

just an update really

as most of you know...colton has had his first full week of 1st grade and is working on week 2. he is loving it. he says that 1st grade is the coolest. when i ask him what his favorite part of the day is, he says recess...and then proceeds to tell me about how the girls chase him on the playground, but that it works out fine because he is faster than all of them. is anyone else thinking that this is sure starting early????? seriously, they're 6. it has been really fun to watch the dynamic between the kids in the last week. the two little ones really miss colton during the day, and he misses them too. it has given chase and aiden the opportunity to become really close, so that's been fun. they literally follow each other around the house playing all sorts of things. aiden will basically do ANYTHING chase tells her to...which he loves. he's got halloween all set up. i over-heard them planning it in the playroom the other day. chase says that colton is gonna be batman...he is gonna be robin...and when he asks who is gonna be batgirl (just to make sure aiden remembers the plan) aiden raises her hand straight up in the air; her eyes get really big and excited-like; and she jumps up and down yelling, "ME!!! I'M BATGIRL!!!" i keep trying to tell them that she could be cat woman, because then i could make her a cute kitty cat costume and the theme would still work. but no. chase has it all planned out and has her convinced that she must be batgirl. we will see. chances are...by halloween...they will be on to something else. like the muppets or something. (the muppet movie is their favorite right now.) although it is not a good sign that aiden has named all of her dolls lois lane. anyhow, today it was so sweet because we had been waiting in the car ride line for about 25 minutes when chase finally said, "mommy...i neeeeed colton." then, when we pull up and see colton standing there waiting for us, chase and aiden start yelling his name and waving and colton gets really excited. he climbs in the car and i am so excited to see him that i start talking to him right away. there's not even a "hi mommy." there is only, "hi aiden and chase...i'm so glad you are awake today." (normally they have fallen asleep in the car waiting in the line) then chase reaches over and grabs colton's arm and says, "oh colton...i so missed you." to that, my heart smiled.

in other news, chase starts preschool tomorrow. he is very excited and i am a little worried about how aiden will do here without him. she will have a whole 5 hours with just her and me on mondays and wednesdays. wow. she has never had that before!! i'll have to teach her how to shop!! :) i have a feeling chase may miss her too.

WHY?

my questions for the day...

why do i hate taking out the trash so much?

why can i get the laundry folded...but not put away?

why do i love to watch cooking shows...but hate to cook?

why do i love to buy cereal...but never eat it?

why does aiden copy everything chase does, even thought she and colton are most alike?

why do people who long to have children, can't have them sometimes...while people who don't want them get pregnant?

if God knows that a woman is going to have a miscarriage...often even before she knows she's pregnant, why does he create the life in the first place?

why didn't i think of using paper plates for lunch sooner?

why...no matter how early i go to bed at night...do i still not want to wake up in the morning?

why do i love hannah montana so much?

why does aiden, all of a sudden, not want to go to bed at night?

why can i not seem to get through the entire bible?

why do i sometimes really care what people think...yet sometimes not give a rip?

why do we have nightmares?

why does my cell phone seem possessed at times?

why did we find over 30 scorpians in our house in south carolina...even though the exterminator said that they don't live in clusters, but alone? and...none of our neighbors had them either.

why do i sometimes feel queesy for no reason?

why do i not want to let colton ride the bus home from school...and instead take aiden and chase with me and wait in the car ride line for an hour every afternoon to pick him up?

why do i have such a hard time with electronics?

why do new kids on the block get made fun of...yet the backstreet boys, and n'sync usually don't?

basically...at this point, i'm not out of whys...but out of time.

If You Feel Lost...

o.k. people. this is one of my new favorite worship songs. i heard it at ecclesia in the woodlands for the first time. robbie seay happen to be leading worship the day i was there and they did this song. it is so beautiful and the words so perfect for so many of us in so many day to day situations. a friend sent it to me and i quickly copied it to my mp3 and have been listening to it ever since. I LOVE IT. very simple...and yet says it all. here are the lyrics...

SHINE YOUR LIGHT ON US (robbie seay band)

oh my God, shine your light on us;
that we might live.
oh my God, shine your light on us;
that we might live.

i've been holding on.
and i've been holding on.
all that is inside me;
screams to come back home.

and if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
and if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

and i've been broken down;
and i've been broken down.
but i aint givin up;
love will come back around.

and if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
and if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.
yeah...
if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

oh my God
shine your light on us;
that we might live.
and oh my God
shine your light on us;
that we might live.

if you feel lost;
if you feel lost;
sing along.
and if you feel tired;
if you feel tired;
sing along.
oh...if you feel lost and tired;
this is your song.

shine your light;
shine it down;
like a rescue;
come for us;
we long to love.
shine your light;
shine it down;
like a rescue;
come for us now.

WHO'S EXCITED?

o.k. so who's excited about fall television starting up again? i'll tell you who. ME!!!!!!!! i have seriously been going through withdrawal, i think. i miss grey's anatomy; the bachelor (don't start with me...); LOST; what about brian; and don't even get me started about how excited i am about the grey's anatomy spin-off, private practice, that is going to be starting this fall. i am also looking forward to the start of survivor...but i didn't really watch the last season. so we will see if i am able to get into this one. oh...and chad and i do enjoy watching house together. so...i have barely watched any t.v. this summer and it will be a shock to our dvr come september. i'll have to dust her off and put her back in business. too many shows...too little time. we shall see.

on another note...colton starts 1st grade on monday. we get to go meet his teacher this friday. we won't find out who he has or who is in his class until then. he seems to be excited about his return to school and i am not nearly as big a basket case as i was this time last year...him starting kindergarten and all. we don't need to discuss how close i came to having an emotional breakdown at "meet the teacher" last year. nor do we need to re-hash how many tears were shed prior to dropping him off that first day of school. aaannnnddd...we won't even begin to re-visit the number of pictures that were taken. i can probably chronicle that "right of passage" walk from the parking lot to the class room with one of those, flip the pictures real fast and make a movie thing. not this year. i'm low key. layed-back. doing swell. not having a bit of trouble with my first born already being in 1st grade. not picturing his wedding day when he is going to leave me for some girl and never even call or write and spend all his thanksgivings and christmases with her family because he's forgotten all about me. and i'm definitely not thinking about this being chase's last year at home with me because he is going to make that "right of passage" walk into kindergarten this time next year. no siree. i'm great. not a problem what so ever. who's excited? i know i am.

well (sniffle and wipe a tear)...i think i'm going to go talk to chad about how great i'm doing. later.

my little traveler

i was sitting with someone...i can't remember who now...(that should tell you how my mental status is these days)...and we were talking about where we have been in europe. you know...since i am the world traveler now. :) anyhow, they were talking about all the places they had been, (and at this point i really wish i could remember who this was), and i was talking about where i had been now. colton, chase, and aiden were sitting at the kitchen table with us. i realized that colton was listening when he perked up, raised his eyebrows, and as a matter of factly stated, "well...i've been to iowa multiple times!!!!"

Back on U.S. Soil

I could have actually kissed the ground when we landed at Houson's Intercontinental Airport 2 days ago. I've been home for exactly 42 hours and 20 minutes. I've slept about 28 of those hours. Needless to say...I've had a bit of a time re-acclamating to my life. I thought missions in Ukraine would seem foreign. But what is foreign is life here without a team and a purpose everyday after being used to living everyday on a tangible mission. It's like I don't know what to do. Do I clean? Do I do laundry? Do I go grocery shopping? Do I play with the kids? Do I go to their baseball games? Do I go hang out with friends? Do I sleep? Do I stay awake? Do I drink ice water? Do I eat? I know that probably sounds weird...but it is how I have felt since I got home. I never am sure what I am supposed to be doing. Part of my mind and heart were left in Ukraine with the homeless boy and old lady and new friend and students we taught english and bible to everyday. Not that it is not good to be home. It is. I missed my family more than I can put in to words. BUT...I learned some things. One of which is that my family is going to live on mission together. My children will intimately know beyond their own circumstances. They will know their main purpose in life. They will learn to spread the word and love of our creator...or God...our Father. They will not be obsessed with themselves and their own desires...unless they are the desires of Christ. I'm not all together sure how we are going to achieve all of these lofty goals, but at least they are my goals now. Instead of the latest sport all their friends are playing and making sure they have the cutest clothes to start school. I'm speaking to myself here, because the worst thing I could do is forget the people we taught in Ukraine and more importantly...the mission the people in Ukraine taught me.

More to come...with pictures.

is there such a thing as too much baseball?

summer schedule:

tuesday night: colton's baseball game
wednesday night: chase's t-ball practice
thursday night: colton and chase have games...usually at the same time
friday night: colton's practice
every day...all day long: colton practices in the back yard

yes.

from here on out...a tighter ship

i'm aware it's been a while. there's not much i can do about that. it is what it is. i've been tired. worn down. completely apathetic. nonchalant. that's o.k. right? i guess it has to be.

since my last post, chad's grandmother passed away, and we have driven across the country (to iowa) and back, which has proven to have thrown me for more of a loop than usual. it is always hard for me to transition...which has only been exacerbated since having 3 small children. whatever that means...i don't know. but currently i am drowning my sorrows to a particularly dark pearl jam song while attempting to be of some interest to this screen.

we just had to call a family meeting. i think......yes, i think that is a first. colton and chase have been at each others throats; aiden is 2 (self-explanatory); chad and i are both tired, worn down, and generally lacking any drive what so ever. the attentive, energetic, and playful mom that i once was has been replaced by one who desperately needed a break. i always heard of the moms who had breakdowns and ended up shuffling the halls in her bathrobe while muttering softly over and over again, "i forgot to take the dog out. wait a minute...i don't have a dog." all the while her children are throwing pieces of their uneaten grilled cheese at her...seeing who can make one ricochet off her face the farthest. yep. that feels about right. anyhow, at our family meeting we talked about respect, love, kindness, appreciation for what we have, and obedience. all general stuff...yet such life affecters. i sought forgiveness for not being as "present" as they were accustomed to...and explained how i had been long over due for a break...and how from now on, i was going to take one when needed instead of letting it all build up. no grilled cheeses in my face please. chad brought down the hammer and all that jazz. we are developing a summer schedule for everyday in an attempt to curb boardom and lessen squabbling. bedtime is back to 7:30. meals are no longer whenever they start whinning. i've learned that by that point...it's too late. no more toys everywhere. i'm turning this disney cruise that we seem to be on into a tighter ship.

well, i guess i'm done for now. pearl jam has lulled me into a somewhat dreamlike stuper and the natives (whom i still love more than life) could be getting restless. well, at least chad's in there with them...although asleep on the playroom floor. i'm fully expecting him to wake up with a marker mural all over his body. who knows? i've turned up the music to block it all out. could that be part of the problem?

CRASH

o.k. so i've learned my lesson. maybe. for those of you who know me, you know that my children are some of the most photographed children in america. i take massive amounts of pictures. i had a nikon 75 (i think) and was totally happy with it. love having film that is tangible. love having pictures developed. love that i can't even make it out of the store without looking at them all. love the search for the perfect captured moment. love seeing the photo after i've gotten it. love the brown leather photo albums that are lined up on my book shelf that chronicle the kid's birth through 7 months ago. so, if i love all of that so much...why did i get a digital camera?

well, the answer is 2 fold. i could save money on film and developing, and it's a lot easier in this technical world of ours.

so...for my birthday and anniversary...(that's the way i can talk chad in to bigger purchases :))...he got me my nikon d50. we went in to get a point and shoot sony digital, and came out with the big guns. my lens was enter-changable...so it just made more sense. and...i like a manual zoom. but...i digress once again.

my big issue with going this route was the non-tangibleness of having your photos on the computer and cds instead of in albums. it took some getting used to. and, on more occation than one, i asked the question, "but what if the computer crashes?" the answer was always the same. some version of..."has your computer ever crashed before?" to which i replied..."no." so, there you have it. i made the switch. and it has been great. i don't even know how many pictures i have on the computer. lots and lots is the technical answer that comes to mind. my summer project was to get them all onto cds and organized in photo boxes. no problem.

problem. the other day, i found aiden in chad's chair with her hand on the mouse and something that looked odd on the screen. i still don't know what she did, but what i do know, is that our computer crashed. and yes, this happened before i had all my pictures from the last 7 months backed up on cds. chad talked to all kinds of computer people who all said the same thing. they were gone. i was in denial for a while, but when the reality set in...i'm not gonna lie...i was extemely upset. not angry...just really sad. i kept thinking of all the different memories i had lost, etc. etc. etc. and with each new photo i thought of, i got more and more sad. a friend helped me put it in perspective and i was slowly coming to terms with it. i even prayed that we would find them. there is this computer guy that works with chad who agreed to look at the computer for us. i tried not to get my hopes up. but this guy...this genious of a man (in my opinion)...found my pictures. every last one of them. can you believe it? i still am marveled by the fact that my God...the same God who is having to watch children die of starvation and thirst every day...cares enough about me to concern himself with 7 months worth of my pictures. well, i guess he does. and i'm glad. because if he cares about us that much...with all the other things he has going on...he must really love us. and...not only does he love us, but he really enjoys surprising us with happiness. i love that. even more than pictures.

WHOA...

so. i hate snakes. i hate them alot. they make me squeemish. i could really do without them. do you get how much i despise snakes?

well, chad has been in colorado for a couple of days. he got home late last night. anyways, tuesdays are trash days...and since he was out of town...i had to take the trash down to the curb. i hate trash duties too. but, that's neither here nor there. i went out to the garage to get the trash can to walk it down. as soon as i opened the man door, i noticed, what looked like a tail of some sort. it was a brick reddish color. i immediately thought snake for some reason. i froze at first, but then decided that it was not the right color for a snake. so, i bent down to get a closer look. i was not sure. it could be a snake, or it could be...well...i really don't know what else it could have been. i was just in denial. so, i stood there for a minute and then decided that the trash looked great just where it was. i went inside and called chad in denver. he was in a meeting and texted me back that he couldn't talk. so, i texted him..."SNAKE IN THE GARAGE." he texted back, "how big?" like that matters. i went back out to look again. i could only see a little of the body, and the tail. colton and i were bent down looking at it...wedged between the garage slab and wood side panels. i asked colton what he thought it was. we were not sure. then...IT MOVED! i freaked at that point. then, i went and got the neighbor, and he came over with a flash light and looked at it for me. he said that he thought it was poisonous. GREAT. then he told me to go get a coat hanger. i did and was none too thrilled about what was going to happen. he tried to get it out, but it was gone. in hiding, if you will. so, i did not set foot outside again yesterday and was prepared to live a life without ever setting foot outside the house again. i had everything i needed within the 4 walls of my house anyways. i liked it in here. so, this morning...chad went outside to start taking everything out of the garage to see if he could find it. i said, you are never gonna find it and i am never going out there again. he was not out there 30 seconds before he came in to tell me he found it. it was outside the garage...down in a crack between the garage and the pavement. so, he told me to take colton to school and that he would get it. THANK YOU SWEET JESUS. my man was there. here he came to save the day. no more snake to worry about. i did not ever have to see it again. i wash my hands of the whole situation. sweet relief. i did not have to see him chop it to bits. i did not have to see it wiggle. bye bye snake. so i told colton to come get in the van. i stepped in the grass between the house and the van and tuned around to make sure colton was coming. (he was not as eager to miss the snake masacre). he reluctantly followed me, and the rest of the story is somewhat of a blur. all i know is that colton yelled..."MOM! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! WATCH OUT!" in what seems like one hurried motion, i looked at where he was pointing; looked down; saw another snake right next to my flip flop wearing foot; and nearly passed out. chad, who over-heard the whole exchange, was at my side in 2 seconds flat; pulling me behind him; and hoed it to death while i watched with mouth opened wide. "my eyes. my eyes." and...my hero.

now, i'm sure that there is a mama who has set up house in our garage...probably in the kid's ball bin...and her millions of babies are crawling all over our yard and making their way into our house.

who thinks i'll sleep well tonight?

3 Strikes and You're Funny...

The other day, Chad and Colton were playing baseball in the backyard. Chad was pitching and Colton was batting and running the bases. Each time he would bat, he would be a different Astros player. Once he was Brad Ausmus (yeeee). then, he was Craig Biggio. Then, he was Lance Berkman. Then, he was Brandon Backe (and yeeee again). He was hitting great. Chad was really pitching too. He would hit the ball...usually the first pitch in...and run to first base. Then ghost runner on first. You get the drift. So, the last batter was Morgan Ensberg. He takes a few practice swings; steps into the batter's box; and prepares to hit the ghosts home. And then, the unexpected happened. One. Two. Three. Struck out! What????? Then he shruggs, drops the bat, and says, "Dad. I'm thinkin Morgan Ensberg is not that good."

On The Day You Were Born...

...You were wanted. You were loved.

...You were special. You were beautiful.

Today; you are still all of those things. Forever.

Happy Birthday to our Aiden Annee-Grace, who turned 2 years old this morning at 1:47 am. This last picture was her answering me when I asked her how old she was. "Twoooo."

We love you baby girl. Happy, Happy Day.

JUMPING THROUGH HAPPY

The other night, I was at a friend's house. The kids were playing in the backyard and we were all sharing a meal in the comfort of the patio. There is nothing like your kids having good friends. The kind that they always want to be with. The kind that you love because they love. Kids know how to love. They know how to be friends. They are innocent. They have not been corrupted by rejection, deceit, insecurity, or manipulation. They just love. They play. They can argue one minute and hug the next. They can be crying at the drop of a hat, and all it takes is a glance and an apology from their friend to make it all better. Tenderness. And off they go. Running. Laughing. Playing. Happy. They pray for each other nightly. They don't forget. They are genuine. Dear God, please help my friend to not be sick or sad. I am learning about being a friend from watching my kids and their friends. Colton is planning on having 6 kids with his little Anna Marie. After they get married, of course. (She is not so sure. Her face was priceless when Colton gave her that little piece of information. Marriage fine. 6 kids. What???) Anyhow, innocence. At it's best. We decided that I would bathe my 3 over there because they would, most likely fall asleep on the way home from the sheer exhaustion from happiness. In the bathroom was a plethora of different perfumes on the counter top. Now, me being a detail person, obviously loves smells. I, in an attempt to not get bored while the kids had their little bit of play time with the soap, began smelling all the perfume and carefully examining the different bottles. Funny how the bottle does it for me...more than the smell. It could be a great smell, but if I don't like the bottle...it's a no go. I spotted a bottle off to the side. It was a simple shape. Perfume a simple clear. There was a pink flower on the front that caught my attention first. It was the color of Aiden's walls. I love Aiden's walls. So...naturally, I love the flower. It was a simple daisy. The kind I doodle. I popped the top off and closed my eyes to take the smell in. It was a good smell. I looked at the bottle to see what the name was. I finally found it on the bottom of the bottle. Very small. Very...um...innocent and surprising. Its name was Happy. I sprayed it up into the air and then proceeded to jump through the mist of spray. Then I thought to myself...I just jumped through happy.

Inspired by a friend. A friend who, when I'm with her, always makes me feel like I'm jumping through happy.

Finally. Better Late Than Never.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

they had a ball. actually, they had a "field day"

holloway's class...first place, baby

anna marie is thrilled to be doing this relay. can't you tell?

like father...like son

like mother...like son

sweet kisses from my son

today, chase and i had such a tender mother/son moment. he was eating lunch, and had proceeded to get food all over his face. shocking. anyways, i went over to clean him up and after i wiped his face, i took his face in my hands and looked him right in the eyes and said, "chasers...i love you so much." to which he smiled and showed me those, oh so cute, dimples and said, "give me a kiss." of course i gave him sweet kisses all over his even sweeter face...which was a catalyst for giggles from both of us. then, he reached up and took my face in his hands...which i was sure to cap off the tender moment...and said, sweet as sugar, "let me touch your eyeball." not quite the comment i was expecting, but chaser non the less. and boy, do i love that kid.

DREAMER

You know it's bad when your almost 2 year old says to you, in a somewhat sing-songy voice, "Youuuu Whoooo," to get your attention. That, she's learned from her 4 year old brother. 4 year olds talk ALOT. Sometimes, as much as you don't want to, you begin to tune them out...especially late in the day...when the attention span is just not quite up to par. Several days ago, I started getting snapped back into reality by Chase with a far off "Youuu Whooo" that would get louder until I had returned from wherever I had been. Today, after Aiden began the "Youuu Whooo" form of getting my attention, I began to ask myself; one: why were they having to youu whoo me back and, two: where was I going to need youu whooing back from? It made me realize the place in my head that not too many know of. The dreamer place. In the dreamer place, really fun and amazing things happen. I began to make a list of the things that happen to me in the dreamer place. I needed to write them all down...because although a lot of them I know I will never do...some of them I could...and should...and will.

1. adopt a child
2. sing in a really cool band that plays really good music and has lots of fun
3. play serious guitar
4. win an olympic medal
5. act in a movie
6. snowboard
7. waterski and wakeboard in lake travis (again)
8. drink an apple martini
9. go on a missions trip to africa headed by bono
10. visit my brother in alaska
11. not worry
12. love God more than myself
13. take really great pictures
14. get a nose ring
15. fly a kite at the beach with the kids
16. take aiden to try on wedding dresses
17. hold chad's hand in the waiting room, awaiting the arrival of a grandchild
18. witness the miracle of hunger and poverty come to an end
19. see the Holy Lands
20. go to ireland
21. know my roots
22. go to hawaii with my husband and some really good friends
23. see chase and aiden give their hearts to Jesus
24. be a catalyst for the lost
25. be a voice-over for a big disney film
26. wear a tiara for a legitimant reason
27. be able to build cool things out of wood
28. watch out the window for each kid to come home from their first date, and then sit in the dark, over fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and talk about it for hours
29. own a horse named marble and be able to ride him, fast, whenever i wanted
30. see all of my lost friends found

WHY AM I SO CONFUSED?

it's becoming (shout out KL) my life statement these days. furthermore, why is it that when a mom gets sick, she just has to keep going? there is no option of laying in bed, sleeping, someone making soup, t.v. watching until she's better. i'd like to talk to the person who started that trend. it's beginning to get a bit old. i can't even take the medicine the doctor gave me yesterday becasue it causes drowsiness. i mean, it says on the bottle not to opperate heavy machinery, and i'm pretty sure children classify as such. it's just the same excact way it is when i'm well...only my apperance has a tendency to scare the kids. i find that mine just kind of look at me like....WHOA. cue the whispers..."she doesn't look so good; what's wrong with her; why is she in her bath robe and why does her hair look like that?" followed by, "MOMMY...WE NEED BREAKFAST...WE NEED OUR DRINKS...I NEED MY CLOTHES...I'M TIRED...I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL...I DON'T WANT WAFFLES...WE WANT TO WATCH A VIDEO...NOT THAT VIDEO...I NEED MY LUNCH MONEY." speaking of lunch money, i tried to send colton to school today with ukrainian money. now, i don't think this would have got him very far in the lunch line. i can hear it now..."honey, tell your mom that we don't accept foreign money here." i noticed it when i was putting it in his backpack. thank God. i'm not sure my reputation could have recovered from that one. i had already tried to buy my coffee at starbucks the other day with chuck e cheese game tokens. someone needs to talk to the people from chuck e cheese and tell them not to make their tokens look so much like quarters. it's enough to confuse a girl...which deserves a loud and proud "WHY AM I SO CONFUSED?"

so many words...so little time

updated list with a little help from my friends:

conflicted
imbecile
vagabond
asinine
exacerbate
conglomeration
tarnation
tumbleweed
passionate
serendipity
promenade
tom foolery (technically 2 words...but for this one, i'll make an exception)
imposter
bafoon
catywampus
plethora
superfluous
menagerie
fidgety
mojo
surplus
bubbies
smooch
slacker
superb
crack (as in..."are you on crack?" had to be explained!!)
miracle
meticulosity - extreme attention to detail
pococurante - nonchalant
eudaemonic - producing happiness

and the list goes on. add to at random.

So, here's one...

I sort of told myself that I would never put poetry on this blog. I don't really know why...except because. Sometimes I find that nothing follows my because. I try to come up with a good sentence to follow, but I draw blanks. Because. That's all there is. Anyhow, this weekend, I have been in a very contemplative mood...mainly due to some good music and good conversation...which typically has that effect on me. I have not been able to get this poem/whatever you want to call it...(I'm sure all the timing is not accurate, nor the punctuation)...that I wrote so, so, so long ago, out of my head. I dug through my old journal tonight to find some of my favorites, from what seems like lifetimes ago, in some attempt to connect with myself...who I've been...who I am...who I am no longer...etc. etc. etc. Why was I so confused? Why am I still confused? The funny thing is, Chad asked me what I was doing and I told him. He said to read him one. I reluctantly read him this one...to which he replied, "What's the title?" I said it did not have one. He titled it "Simple Things". Here it is:

Simple Things

She lie alone; just like every other night;

waiting and longing for the time when he has his arms around her. She's not made to be alone and patiently awaits the future.

It's the knowledge that the childhood dreams are not being fulfilled according to plan and the newfound maturity that constantly tells her that they may not be that engulfs her thoughts. That is the hardest to bear. Tears well without warning and the sad music plays over and over, telling a story not unlike her own. The simplest thing is all she wants. It's not too much to desire, but is somehow unatainable. Someone to love her and someone for her to love right back. Someone who fills her heart so much that the simpe sight of him forces a smile and a feeling so warm that only she can feel. The brush of his hand against hers would sustain life. The mental picture is enough to warm her head, but not her heart...which for the time being, beats alone.

(1996)

After I finished, Chad said, "I wish I could express my feelings like that...Roses are red; violets are blue..." It was quite funny. It is kind of beautiful and romantic that the person who ended up having his arms around me completed this for me. I guess...in more ways than one.

Happy National Sibling's Day...

we were 6 1/2 and 3 1/2 and the flowergirl and ringbearer in my aunt's wedding

getting older...

...and still as close.

...a couple of days late. So, technically, National Sibling's Day was 2 days ago but I am just getting around to posting this little tribute to my little brother, Kevin. At about 11:45pm my time, I finally got to talk to him. He had returned my phone call and I excitedly said, "Happy Sibling's Day!" To which he replied, "What?????" He, along with most of the other people in the nation, did not realize that this day was so special. He then tried to play it cool and pull the wool by saying, "Yes...that is exactly why I called...to wish you a Happy National Sibling's Day." Well, anyways, we got to talk about lots of funny memories and antecdotes from our childhood that had us both rolling. Like our favorite burt and ernie clip from sesame street, and the three amigos...we really loved that movie and quoted it for a very long time. AND...he said that he can't stop thinking about all kinds of cool words; (refer to a couple of posts ago); and that it was a good "blopic.". He would think, "Wow...I just wasted 30 minutes of my life thinking of how nicely that word just rolls of my tongue." Then we came up with some really cool words...like, dad gummit, menagerie, and superb. It was a fun conversation and I'm glad that I got to talk to him. I'm glad that there is a National Sibling's Day. I'm more glad that I have a brother. I'm even more glad that he is him.

Innocent Racial Slur

The other night at dinner, Colton made his first and hopefully last racial slur. We had been reading and discussing the Easter story being that Easter was upon us and Colton had some questions reguarding Jesus' ethnicity. Colton asked if Jesus was white or brown. Chad answered that Jesus was not white, not black, but probably more brown...and then compared him to some kids that Colton knows so that he could have a visual. You could tell that Colton's wheels were spinning. He thought for a minute and said, "Too bad I'm not brown." I was thinking, "Ahhh, he wants to be like Jesus. How sweet." then he added, "Because brown football players are better than white ones." Silence........Chad looked at me and I looked at Chad........cue the equality speech; cue the equality speech!

WARNING...LOOK AWAY IF YOU EASILY GET SQEEMISH

Colton's friend Anna Marie...controlling the blood loss

Last night, Anna Marie and her family were over for dinner. The kids were sword fightning in the living room, and Anna Marie's loose tooth decided to become a bother. Her mom gets the willies, so she told me to see if Anna Marie would let me wiggle it. I did more than that! With a couple of twists and tugs, and a whole lot of "The tooth fairy is soooo coming to see you tonight!" I got it! Colton was flaburgasted that I had actually just pulled her tooth. He has two that are loose and freaks at the thought of pulling them. I think being one uped by a girl has him a little more brave!! He's wiggling them ALOT!!

WORDS

I have a running list of words that I really like. Here are some:

sachel
waterlily
sketchy
unfortunate
trite
tinker
pajama
copesetic
yonder
galeleo
agape
incubation
petrol
sacral
satellite
xopenex
clever
perplex

Try using some of these on a regular basis. It's fun. Also, if you have any favorite words...please share! I love using good words.

Soggy Fruit, College, and Strep Throat

Yesterday afternoon, I came home from running an errand for a friend of mine to Chad laying on the couch and children destroying the living room. He immediately said, "I don't feel good. I think I have fever." In my mind I was thinking, "Oh no...you are NOT getting sick again." I felt of him; said he was fine; and told him to look alive. So, I got busy making dinner and when I called everyone to dinner, Chad shows up in a hooded sweatshirt with the hood on and then preceeds to wrap himself up in a blanket. He says his throat hurts and that his body aches. I put my fork down and said, (in a somewhat huffy tone) "Do you want me to take your temperature?" He nods yes. I took it with an ear thermometer and it read 95.5. We both knew that it couldn't be accurate, but assumed he didn't have fever. We continued to eat and talk with the kids. We asked how Colton's day was at school and he said, "Not good." Here is how the conversation went...

Colton: kids at school said mean things to me.

Me: Like what?

Colton: Like I'm yucky.

Chad: Well, God made you...and God doesn't make anything yucky.

Colton: God makes soggy fruit.

Chad: silence...followed by "How do you argue with that?"

Then we were talking about money for some reason. Here's how that conversation went...

Chad: I'm trying to save for your college.

Colton: My college????

Chad: yeah.

Colton: Is that in like 4 years?

Chad: No...you have 12 years until college.

Colton: Will I have to read then?

Chad: It helps.

Chad went to the doctor this afternoon, and he has strep throat. I feel really bad about having him bathe the kids last night. Turns out, he did have fever. Poor guy.

PHEW!!!!

Whoa...! This has been quite the week. I'll try to keep this little update brief...which could be difficult, on account of all the events that transpired. First of all, Chad's mom, sister, and our 2 neices flew into town last Wednesday. We were all very excited to see them and have them spend Spring Break with us. The kids and I had so many fun things planned...and expectations were high. Since Chad was still in Ukraine, I hired a babysitter, and drove to Intercontinental Airport to pick them up. Now, they were coming from Des Moines, Iowa...and had one thing in mind. Sun. So, the fact that the airport trip took 5 hours due to flooding rain and hail seemed like just a minor glitch in the plan. "No problem", I told myself...and them...on the way home. Tomorrow was a new day. We were going to the boardwalk. We decided to wait until after Aiden's nap to go, because that just seemed smart. Always thinking. So, shoes were on; kid's were fed; potties had been used; sunscreen had been applied; and I went to wake Aiden. She had 102.5 fever. WOW. I was not expecting this. NO PROBLEM. I gave her some Tylenol, strapped her in the stroller, and told myself that the fresh air would do her good. Not so. She proceeded to come down with a horrible cold and ear infection that had us both up for the next 5 nights...but I digress. Chad was scheduled to get in from Ukraine in the middle of the night Friday night. An extra set of hands was on the way!! (Not that that's the only reason we wanted him home:).) Due to being up with Aiden, I was awake when he got in. We said our hello's, and he slept in Chase's bed, due to Chase and Aiden ending up in our bed. Since he was all messed up on time, we thought he would sleep better upastairs, while I handled the kids. Not a problem. The next morning, I woke from my 3 hours of what I loosely call sleep, to Chad saying, "I don't feel good." Then...BOOM. What the doctor calls "Traveler's Diarrhea" hit. Now, for those of you who are like the rest of us were, and have no idea what this actually is...it is a food or water born bacterial infection that causes nausea, fever, body aches, diarrhea, and other related problems. He had picked it up in something he ate or drank in Ukraine and was in bed or the bathroom for the next 3 1/2 days. Luckily, there was a gastoenterologist who happened to go to Ukraine as well that came over and gave Chad a shot and some different medications to help him. So, there we were...Chad's mom, sister, and me with our 5 children. The next night, I had Aiden (who was still not up to par) all ready for bed. I was getting her medicine from downstairs and she had already gone upstairs for bed. Katie was preparing the bath water for her girl's bath in the boy's bathroom. The boys were all ready for bed and Sue was at her post in the kitchen doing the dinner dishes. All's well so far. Well, the "Mommy instinct" kicked in and I got the feel that Aiden was somewhere she shouldn't be. I ran upstairs to find her in the boy's filled bathtub. The water was still running and Katie and the girls had left the bathroom for something. She had snuck in and was having a grand time in the girl's bath. She did not bother with taking her pajamas off either...nor her socks. Let's see...what's next? Well, I caught Aiden's cold, and my voice went out...making parenting a bit difficult. AND...the grand finale was waking up this morning with my left eye swollen shut. To quote Colton, "I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GETTING SICK...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYE."

Our family went home yesterday afternoon, and I just talked to Chad's mom on the phone. Somehow we managed to have a fun visit in spite of the...well...interuptions, you might call them. We went to the boardwalk, the beach, the park, space center houston, and played outside ALOT. Katie managed to get a book read, and she and Sue successfully talked me down from several anxiety attacks during the night that Chad was so sick. Like I've said before...I don't do stomach stuff. Thankfully, HIS mommy was here and stepped up to the plate with no hesitation. I'll have to post some pictures in the next couple of days. If I have my days correct, yesterday or today was the first day of Spring. I wecome it with open arms.

Not My Greatest Day

All I want to do right now is take a hot bath; get into my pajamas and watch T.V. Only there's nothing good even on tonight for me to watch because, you know, I refuse to watch dumb-ole American Idol because of how mean they were to those kids. Anyways...today was not my greatest day as a mom. I'm ready for Chad to be home. I guess I'm not handling it as well as I thought...on account of losing it with the boys tonight at bedtime. I feel that my patience has been running thin ever since last night, and I think that the boys would agree. It's hard to not expect too much out of them. Like last night, when I had to count to 10 and let out several huffy breaths after Colton spilled his just poured bowl of cereal and milk on the kitchen floor that I had just finished moopping. And then, when I had to count to 10 again and let out several more huffy breaths after Colton dropped his little medicine cup with purple medicine in it all over the floor upstairs...not knowing how much of it he had drank. (By the looks of the floor, it had not been much.) Then on account of making a "mad face", as Colton calls it, when I was tucking him in tonight because I found evidence on his good pillow case that he had a nose bleed last night and I didn't know it. There were a few little "aggravations" earlier...like finding Colton stretching his bubble gum from his mouth to the carpet, and Chase punching Colton in the stomach for eating his cereal bar...but the kicker was when I found them scrubbing out their sink with their toothbrushes. They were using toothpaste as cleaner. That's when I lost it. That's when I actually told them to, "COME ON...GROW UP!" Can you believe it? I said to grow up. To a 6 and 4 year old!! That's not fair. That's not even what I want. I love their ages and I am terrified of the day that I look back and wonder where the time went. I don't want to be the person saying to the young mom with toddlers, "Enjoy it now honey, because it goes by so fast...and then you'll wish they were little again." I wish they were little now...and they are.